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My explanation...




I haven't been very active here on frihost for oh-so-long in my "offical" capacity. When I am here its mainly just to quickly check that FriHost is still here, and if something quick needs doing I'll usually do it.
There was a time when I was constantly on FriHost, and by constantly I mean about 10hrs a day, 7 days a week. And around the same time I even had FriHost as my Active Desktop!
But then things changed.
I'm one of these people that tries too hard to make everything perfect, and this comes into place with everything in my life, from the minor to major issues. But I also delve into issues that are unimportant and can wait to escape other things in my life. Before Frihost I did this through reading, to escape into another world.
And this is what has changed.
I've realised that if I carry on doing what I was doing then there was no hope for me.
For a while now I've been considering should I retire as a moderator, for the time being the answer is no. Yet I still feel rather selfish, the fact that I don't go flat-out and do lots like I used to. So I will try and be a little more active here, whilst creating that right balance.
When I started frihost I used to be the typical, nerdy-kinda teenager who was into books, programing, being computer savvy, etc. I've changed sooooo much the last few years whilst being here. Sometimes I wonder is this a good thing. Even friends and family that I haven't seen in a while don't recognise me. Sometimes I don't recognise me. But I don't want to be how I was back then, and this is where the issue lies. I don't want to be the old me, I'm forever trying to escape from it. But as time moves on, I'm trying to out-run the past of me, yet don't know where I'm progresssing to. I'm so scared.
My appearance, from my dress-sense, manner, and even my voice which I have no control over, has all changed.
So now I've changed. And I feel like the world hasn't changed with me, which is rather disappointing. Because of this, I'm now going to focus the majority of my energy on this. I'm not expecting to change the whole world, but I have an aim. And I want to achieve this before I die.

So forgive me for not being very active the last few months. But I'm not going to apologise for not being always here the upcoming months

xxx



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