Created on Fri Sep 14, 2007 12:36 am with 5 blog posts
-as the title suggests-
I haven't been very active here on frihost for oh-so-long in my "offical" capacity. When I am here its mainly just to quickly check that FriHost is still here, and if something quick needs doing I'll usually do it.
There was a time when I was constantly on FriHost, and by constantly I mean about 10hrs a day, 7 days a week. And around the same time I even had FriHost as my Active Desktop!
But then things changed.
I'm one of these people that tries too hard to make everything perfect, and this comes into place with everything in my life, from the minor to major issues. But I also delve into issues that are unimportant and can wait to escape other things in my life. Before Frihost I did this through reading, to escape into another world.
And this is what has changed.
I've realised that if I carry on doing what I was doing then there was no hope for me.
For a while now I've been considering should I retire as a moderator, for the time being the answer is no. Yet I still feel rather selfish, the fact that I don't go flat-out and do lots like I used to. So I will try and be a little more active here, whilst creating that right balance.
When I started frihost I used to be the typical, nerdy-kinda teenager who was into books, programing, being computer savvy, etc. I've changed sooooo much the last few years whilst being here. Sometimes I wonder is this a good thing. Even friends and family that I haven't seen in a while don't recognise me. Sometimes I don't recognise me. But I don't want to be how I was back then, and this is where the issue lies. I don't want to be the old me, I'm forever trying to escape from it. But as time moves on, I'm trying to out-run the past of me, yet don't know where I'm progresssing to. I'm so scared.
My appearance, from my dress-sense, manner, and even my voice which I have no control over, has all changed.
So now I've changed. And I feel like the world hasn't changed with me, which is rather disappointing. Because of this, I'm now going to focus the majority of my energy on this. I'm not expecting to change the whole world, but I have an aim. And I want to achieve this before I die.
So forgive me for not being very active the last few months. But I'm not going to apologise for not being always here the upcoming months
xxx
So, I'm out of hospital. Feeling like complete shit though in general, and my lungs have never been in a worse condition. I decided to discharge myself though seen as the IV's couldn't held out; they kept on collapsing my veins and in the end we couldn't insert one successfully. Oh well. I'm at home, I don't know whether that is a good or bad thing at the moment though. They're giving me tonnes of drugs, a quick review:
Anti-biotics (also preventative):
azithromycin (2 every mon, wed, fri)
cefaclor (3 daily)
co-omiclav (3 daily)
augmentin (3 daily)
doxycycline (2 daily)
PPI:
omeprazole (2 daily)
...
Gavison and Peptac
Suppliments:
calshakes (2 daily)
fortisips (4 daily)
st john's wort (2 daily)
korean ginseng (2 daily)
extra vitamin c (2 daily)
multi-vitamins (6 daily)
Inhalors:
salbutamol through a neb (1/more when needed)
budesonide (1 daily)
seretide (2 daily)
ventolin (4/more when needed)
formoteral (1 daily)
Other:
flixonase (4 daily)
Steroids (8 daily)
PEP Mask (2/more when needed)
An extensive list but i'm bored and have nothing better to do lol. The steroids, augmentin and co-omiclav are new additions, as well are the steroids.
Tom, my boyfriend, who is having medical treatment in the US, is still in hospital. Its expected he'll be in there till at least Christmas. I guess its kind of good that he doesn't celebrate Christmas 
This is probably going to be the last personal blog I'm going to make seen as everything is probably going to get worse from here out, or at least the docs predict so. I've proven that I know more about my body than they do though, and i have a bit more time (y). And even if it was my time, which it isn't, i'd be gone but not forgotten so it makes no huge difference to me.
Love and all.
xx I can't explain how bad the last 24 hours has been, so I'll just type away instead.
Yesterday night Mel (and her mother) came up to hospital. I refused for everyone else to come up except her. My IV's were late beause pharmacy hadn't sent them up, they started at about 6 instead of 4. I went to meet them downstairs and bring them back up, whilst on my IV pump (i usually walk around if i have nothing better to do so this is no biggy).
I sat with mel and her mother in the corridor for a little while. Her mother asked me like one thousand and one questions.
What was the IV.
Why am I having them.
How long have I been in.
How long do I have left
What is wrong with me.
How sick am I, etc, etc.
She asked in a way which made me unimpressed with her, I usually don't have a problem with people asking me stuff about it all.
I was walking down to my room with Mel when i felt something dripping down my fingers. I looked down and saw the antibiotics that was supposed to be pumped into my veins leaking, mixed with blood. To cut a long story short the vein has collapsed so I had to remove it and have another one put in ...
The new one went today. I rushed around to get to college, missing people I needed to see like my doctors and physiotherapists, etc, etc. By the time I got there though I missed my lesson. I did a few things that needed doing at college, and also -amazingly- styled my hair in the bathroom (big, backcombed hair that was sprayed with glitter). I caught up with Leah, a friend of mine at college I haven't saw in months. I did my saline solution and heprin flush at the needed time. My vein still decided to collapse though, the blood was immense. Again, I had to take it out. I wouldn't of minded that much but it happened in the college cafe at dinner time. Hospital told me to go straight back up there to have another one inserted, so I did. They tried to insert another one 6 times but it wouldn't go in, my veins are royally ******...
And I'm just so fed up so I'm discharging myself tomorrow. It could possibly be the most stupid thing I've ever done, but I'm cool? like that. I can't have IV's in hospital nor out because all of my veins have gone. The only difference is that the staff are experienced at resusitation, and I hope it doesn't have to be a factor once I go home lol.
On a kinda seperate note, last night I actually got some decent sleep. I'd say possibly about 5 hours. YAY for sleeping tablets. I've just read my notes and found I'm having a short course at home of them. And I'm less stressed about Tom seen as he is all spunky. Oh. And they're also sorting out my complexion, which has gone from great to bad in the last three months.
Also. I've moving over to adults section early next year. Its good, but mostly a bad thing to be honest.
I've gone on enough, see ya
xx
Ok. So, i'm -really- unimpressed but am in a fabulous mood.
They brought Tom (my boyfriend) out his coma earlier today. They predicted he'd be under for about 4 weeks, then they said two, then they said one. In the end they decided to bring him out because the medication couldn't have had a more positive affect on him, at the moment he's better than me lol. His levels are 5.6, sats 89%
My day has been ... different.
Had a few hours sleep last night which is the first in ages.
I finally had my flu jab today. A trainee doctor gave it me, she needed to pass her practical assignment for innoculations/immunisations.
I also agreed to speak to another trainee doctor, for which i got paid £15 (which was quite a surprise). Just a routine examination so she could pass her exam.
LOL at me coughing up a sputum sample for the first time in front of one of my doctors, I was well impressed.
The unimpressed starts here though lol...
Mel, a good friend, came up to see me. I thought we had arranged for her to come up earlier, she disagreed. I could of been too medicated, or she lied possibly?
Her mother came up with her. She brought christmas cards so she could write them out lol, so me and mel could speak privately. Now, my line has been expected to go for a while now, and it just so happens it happened then. I was walking down the corridor when I felt somethin dripping down my arm. I looked down and noticed blood and the antibotics leaking pretty quickly. I was like 'oh shit'. Informed a nurse who took her time about contacting the appropiate people so I just took it out myself. I had my new line inserted about an hour ago, whilst talking to friends on MSN lol, cuz i'm blates hardcore like that.
i also spoke to my shrink.
And i've been put on tonnes of new meds.
But oh well.
i'm hoping tomorrow will be a better day than today
OK. So i'm bored. Extremely bored. I thought what better way to get past the bordom than writing about it. So here I am.
At the moment I'm in hospital. I was admitted yesterday sometime, I can't remember the exact time because I was so out of it, I'm a spazz like that.
I'm having IV's at the moment. I don't know what drugs, just that they're proper hardcore. You'd think that I was dying ...
Its going through a peripheral line right as I speak (or more precisely type). There are a few problems with it, there always is. They never last long. When this one goes I'm going to have a PICC line instead, they last a little longer.
They're talking about inserting a port but i'm not too sure. I'm not too pleased at the moment though.
Yesterday the (very incapable) consultant tried to insert the line in 4 times. In the end I had to do it. The bitch made me bleed everywhere. I'm not sorry she didn't wear a gown to be honest. Also, they've given me a more frequent dose of heprin.
YAY!
It means more animal substances are being pumped into my body.
Psh 
I guess you could say I'm not a happy bunny.
They also want to keep me in for 6 weeks. I refused completely. I'm going to speak to my main consultant tomorrow, and i'm hoping I can go home. If I can't ... then I'm gonna go even more crazy.
Life isn't too great at the moment. Tom, my boyfriend, was put in another induced coma this morning. Yesterday his levels one minute were 0.4 (he should of been dead), ten minutes later they were 7.2. So yeah, compelely unstable. They've managed to stabilise them now, but they want to keep him in the coma for about 4 weeks. ****** that. I miss him so much.
I don't be bothered to type anymore at the moment, post again later.
*note that i expect no-one to read this, but if you are doing so then Hi, I'm Nick, and this is my ****** screwed up dramaish life 
*
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