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introvert




I'm an introvert. Though sometimes it's just shyness. I hate those awkward moments at the elevator where I'm alone with someone and both of us just stare at the floor or something.

I find it hard to talk to other people especially when they are on a different age group as I am. and more especially when they only speak English.

Four years ago, my aunt, uncle, and two cousins that live in Australia visited us here in the Philippines. My cousins are adorable. I like their accent, and in my opinion, they are more 'mature' compared to the other children here with the same age. But I've always regret why I haven't talked to them.

I did played with one of my cousins though, we played rock-paper-scissors, whoever wins slaps the other one on the cheek. I never said a thing the whole game.

You see, whenever I speak in English as a child, my parents and some of my cousins kind of praise me. But I always think that it sounds sarcastic and more of a tease. That's why I feel shy when speaking in english in front of any of my family members.

I've always hated this side of me, and last Sunday reminded me of it.

Last Sunday, we had dinner with my grandmother, aunt, uncle and 3 cousins (not the ones from Australia). I haven't seen them for years. But the only thing I've said was a muttered "bye".

I don't even know if I can call this "introverted" anymore.
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4 blog comments below

So far as I know, 'introvert' refers to people who prefer to have a reasonable amount of time alone, as opposed to people who prefer to be around people all the time. For a lot of people, especially introverts, being good at social interaction is something to work at, it doesn't always come naturally. And shyness is often, not always, a low self esteem issue, just remember, what you have to say IS valuable, and they, more than likely, would like to know you.

Even if they happen not to like you, then who cares really? Nothing ventured is nothing gained, if you don't try then you are not going to get any relationship, whereas if you try then maybe you will. Or maybe they are pricks, in which case then you know and you can move on.

I know what you mean about the second language thing. I tried to learn Greek, and got a similar response (even though I'm an adult) and it put me off a bit. I just don't like people to make a fuss, I don't like people putting me in the spotlight and when everyone makes a big deal out of putting together a simple sentence I feel embarrassed. I think the thing is to acknowledge that they are NOT trying to be patronising, they are trying to help, to encourage, because extroverted people love encouragement, they feed off it and they are trying to help you in the same way they would like to be treated. Then start saying it with confidence (as you speak it well enough, gathering from your thread to do so), like it is no big deal.

If you feel you are really shy, maybe it would help to try speaking up (in English) around people you really don't care at all about first, like go to a meeting and force yourself to put your hand up and say something - with people you don't plan to see again anyway, so no loss if you put your foot in your mouth. Practise, in other words.

And DON'T mumble when you do... always try to say what you are going to say with confidence, even if it is fake confidence. I used to do that... mumble... mutter... but when you do that, that is when people don't listen, or don't understand, and it just reinforced my low self esteem issue that what I had to say wasn't worth hearing.

Also remember, is it always YOUR fault if there is no talking in the elevator (for example)? Isn't the other person ALSO not talking?

One other thing I notice that other people always like to talk about themselves, so if you are in doubt, ask them questions about themselves.

Maybe this advice isn't relevant to you, maybe I am just talking about myself, but it reminded me of some of my own feelings, so take from it what you will.
Hello_World on Thu Oct 13, 2011 2:38 am
Thanks! That's a really great insight.

Quote:
...try speaking up (in English) around people you really don't care at all about first, like go to a meeting and force yourself to put your hand up and say something...


haha, I tried doing this last sem by taking a communications class in school. I ended up being friends with a lot of people there though. I remember, in my impromptu speech, I just asked if everyone in the room knows about facebook. Then I stood there for like 2 minutes, then finally asked them if they know that they can add friends on facebook. Razz That was so embarrassing. But I didn't care then, I found it funny. My prepared speech was great though, according to my friend.

I really need confidence. Though I think it's not mainly because of how I think people will think afterwards, But because I can't make continuous sentences (in english) on the spot. Plus, I mumble A LOT when speaking in english. In fact, I tried reading your post out loud and I can't pronounce it continuously without mumbling. And this is probably the greatest reason for my low self-esteem. (when it comes to speaking in english)

You're right though, I shouldn't care about what other people think. But it's hard not too.. Maybe I need to read books or watch tv more. Most of my classmates that speak english well likes reading.
lightwate on Fri Oct 14, 2011 11:17 am
I don't know about other Filipinos, but here in Cebu (though this is just my observation), speaking English in the public is awkward and weird unless you are gay. If there is some discrimination behind it, I dunno. But it seems that it makes them smarter and a lot gayer. Confused

I'm not fluent in speaking English either and it takes me a lot of time to construct a sentence or a paragraph. That's why Frihost is very much ok for me because I can take my time writing English. The grammar isn't a problem, I feel that I'm good in grammar, I think so. The only thing is that I have to put so much effort into constructing an English sentence. Takes a lot of thinking and memory recall to vocabularies. I especially struggle a lot when making an argument in Philosophy and Religion forum. I just have to double check from time to time for some bugs.

About being an introvert. Yes, I am also an introvert. But it has nothing to do with language. I'm an introvert whether I speak English or Cebuano. Heck, I don't even speak fluent Cebuano. Gosh, what's wrong with me?

My advice about learning how to speak English (not just English but Actual English - the way Native English Speakers speak it) is to watch tons of American TV shows and movies. And when you have the opportunity to speak English in school, then do it seriously and consciously, and do it as if you don't know how to speak any other language but English.
loremar on Fri Oct 14, 2011 8:58 pm
Quote:
I don't know about other Filipinos, but here in Cebu (though this is just my observation), speaking English in the public is awkward and weird unless you are gay. If there is some discrimination behind it, I dunno. But it seems that it makes them smarter and a lot gayer.


That used to be my view here in Manila when I was in grade school. But in high school, I met a lot of people from other schools and from different provinces, and some of them can speak english fluently. Some even use it because it's their first language. And my view changed once I got to hung around with those guys.

Maybe that's because of how the Philippines' media indirectly portrays english-speaking people. I mean, there are a lot of shows, like the noontime shows that make fun of those who can't speak in english properly. Also, most gay people that appeared in tv are "maarte"(picky? choosy? i don't know the english word for it) and used to use "carabao-english".

Another reason might be because speaking in english in the Philippines used to be for the rich people only. And that became associated with being "maarte", which in turn became associated with being gay. And now, the Philippines' "gay language" (when we see it in tv) is composed of made up words, jumbled syllables of the english words combined with some filipino words.

Quote:
I'm not fluent in speaking English either and it takes me a lot of time to construct a sentence or a paragraph. That's why Frihost is very much ok for me because I can take my time writing English. The grammar isn't a problem, I feel that I'm good in grammar, I think so. The only thing is that I have to put so much effort into constructing an English sentence. Takes a lot of thinking and memory recall to vocabularies. I especially struggle a lot when making an argument in Philosophy and Religion forum. I just have to double check from time to time for some bugs.


Me too, exactly! That's why I like the frihost forums. Plus, I only have one friend who knows of this site so I don't have to worry about people reading my english posts and making fun of my grammar. (maybe I'm a bit pessimistic about my grammar?)

Thanks for the advice! There was a time when we were in the US with my classmates, and we decided to speak in English the whole day. We even imitated their accents. And it was fun and I really thought my English speaking skills improved then. Maybe accents have something to do with it?
lightwate on Sat Oct 15, 2011 3:01 am



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