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Was she even worth my time?




Well after dating for 2 years my girlfriends and I have broken up. We decided to stay friends (though I think we know that it is always awkward). Then I think it was saturday (We broke up on thursday) my friend told me that she liked another one of my friends. I was surprised when that friend actually asked me if I had a problem with him dating her. After thinking about it I said that I didn't really care. So now they are dating only 4days after we broke up. This just makes me wonder how long has she liked him? How long was she planning to break up. Did she break up with me just to be with him?

I just have all these questions going around in my head. I'm not mad at my friends, but I don't know how I feel about her. I'm somewhat hurt, and angry I don't even know how to describe it.



3 blog comments below

Speaking as someone who ended a 2.5yr relationship, and had interest in someone else (that I never pursued), I'd like to just mention that the situation and emotional timeline isn't always clear cut, especially from the perspective of the one who was dumped.

I ended my relationship with my ex after about 2.5 years... but, for at least 6 months before actually calling it quits, my heart was not in the relationship. We were still together, but, I was emotionally moving on through the last months. The end might have seemed abrupt and out of the blue to my ex, but, that's only due to not recognizing the signs of distancing within the relationship (or ignoring them, or not wanting to recognize them). By the time we actually split, aside from the trauma of that process itself, I had already moved on from the relationship; it wasn't a couple days later to me emotionally, it was several months later, ya know?

I imagine it might be similar for your girlfriend... it's only 4 days from the termination of the relationship, but it might be much longer on the emotional scale for her. I doubt she broke up with you just to be with the other guy (I could be wrong, but that's not my gut feeling), there are almost definitely other factors in play, possibly including a simple drifting away from the relationship, as happens.


That said, she's showing really poor form, in my opinion. Even if you've moved on, if you have regard for the other person involved, you should probably give them some healing time before actively engaging in a new relationship... show a little compassion and respect. That really sucks for you, and there's no way that the situation can't hurt... just, if you actually want to rebuild a friendship with her, you're going to need to work through your feelings, and accept the situation; you can't hold on to bitterness, let it flow out and leave you cleansed. If you just want to move on, well, be as bitter as you want, but, ultimately, move on... the bitterness and pain won't really help you at all.

Sorry for your pain, man. Hope you can come to terms with it quickly, but it is a slow process.
Ankhanu on Tue Jan 10, 2012 7:33 pm
Sorry to hear that but I have seen it and been on both sides of a breakup. People change and sometimes grow apart. Happens all the time. I have seen couples divorce after many years of marriage for same reasons.
standready on Tue Jan 10, 2012 10:49 pm
These people seem to value "going together" as I think you do as well. Since your friend asked and you have agreed and have agreed to the break" I see this as an arrangement that is acceptable. What happened before this date may be also acceptable and certainly there is nothing wrong about liking someone? So why worry about the past but take the good part of it. I hope there are good parts.

As for the question of wasting our time that is always available to our discretion and I think ... as I think everyone else might think is really a valid question.

So, lets not!

____________________________


good luck in your pursuits foumy6 I will say with much kindness for your single journey now
Bluedoll on Thu Jan 12, 2012 12:04 pm



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