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Lying Bastard

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The first officer is stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.


6 blog comments below

Now this is a REALLY good one. Totally enjoyed it! Laughing
deanhills on Thu Feb 07, 2013 8:37 am
Thank you for this one Smile
TheLimey on Thu Feb 07, 2013 1:24 pm
in most countries, if it's the law enforcement officer's words against the woman's word, the court would have to take the law enforcement officer's words. the lying bastard can lie about the speeding, and the woman will still be fine by court.
badai on Fri Feb 08, 2013 8:21 am
I live in a developing country but I don't think here courts would take officers side just because he is a police officer or man. Usually the woman get more sympathy for various reasons. I don't think "In most countries" phrase is correct.
dude_xyx on Fri Feb 08, 2013 2:10 pm
@dude_xyx, at least in Belgium, the testimony of a police officer (on the job) holds more value as he's under oath and lying might have bigger consequence for him. Usually they are with 2 officers for a speed control and are filming it, so at least for speeding it's usually a clear case.

And while funny, in reality this kind of tactic will likely get you arrested and won't get you out of your speeding ticket.
Bondings on Fri Feb 08, 2013 2:25 pm
Yep I forgot about the cameras and stuff. You can't get away specially in city/town areas at least. Method might have worked 20 years ago but not anymore. Also its not something anyone would do in reality. Who would go into all that trouble just not to get a speeding ticket. lol
dude_xyx on Sun Feb 10, 2013 6:25 am

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