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art of a good spanking

spanking is it abuse or not? there is a art to punishing kids why are we as parents not allowed to use it? first you dont spank your child in rage. thats why you send them to their room.
second you make sure it is a good reason for a spanking. this is why you think about it while their in their room.
third you dont beat them. you spank them on their bottom and do not chase them cause it will lead to anger.
last but least be easy make sure they get the message not just a beating.

5 blog comments below

Totally disagree with you about this issue.
I've never used violence to teach my son a lesson, you may try to soften the truth of what it is by using words like 'spanking' but, to me, it's just simple violence used as punishment.

I've always spent time talking to my lad with the intention that he thinks about what he's done and learns from his own feelings about the situation causing the problem, and/or how it harmed someone else.
I've also withdrawn toys/luxuries as punishment and sent him to his room sometimes, but violence? Nope, not my style of parenting.

I've now got a mid-teen lad who's well rounded, kind, confident, fun, polite and respectful where appropriate, at a selective school (in the top 20 of England by results) after winning his place through his own hard work and effort.
He's in his school and town rugby club first teams. He's a big tough lad on the field and of course employs violence during a game, yet there is a gentleness and moral determination inside him where his teachers (primary & secondary schools) have even commented to me that they appreciate the way he stops vulnerable kids in his school being picked on by bullys.

I'm glad I've never used punative violence to punish my son, the results I see now show me that I never needed to. It may be a cultural norm elsewhere in the world but thats another issue for the people concerned. Certainly in my society I cannot see any reason to beat kids - if you can't control them with non-violent punishment and verbal reasoning then I don't think you should have kids, or in certain circumstances, so many.
watersoul on Mon Jun 27, 2011 8:10 pm
I can see both sides of this. When I was young, I was told once then spanked (most of time, not beat). I don't have any kids myself. I see kids today not listening to their parents at all knowing they might end up being sent to their room.
I kinda lean towards when very young a 'tap' to get the kid's attention isn't all that bad followed by a 'time-out' period. Learning to listen and show respect should start early.
standready on Mon Jun 27, 2011 10:24 pm
standready wrote:
Learning to listen and show respect should start early.

Agreed, and that's where the lazy parents do it wrong in my opinion, catch the minor offfences while they're young with a good chat about the rights and wrongs, and children will learn.
Cause pain or distress with punitive violence then all the child remembers is 'don't get caught doing that or someone in authority will hurt me' - not any empathetic thoughts about why whatever transgression was harmful to someone else?

I was hit as a child and I questioned the hypocrisy of it to my detriment.
When my dad hit me I didn't ever listen to the message really, my mind was just searching ways to avoid being caught in the same situation again.

I remember a specific occasion when I was at school facing the cane (1-1.5cm thick bamboo rod repeatedly struck on the palm) as punishment for fighting with a fellow class mate.
I asked the teacher to explain why his use of violence was justified to teach me and the lad concerned not to use violence? The result was an angry attack and a few more lashes than I probably would have got if I'd kept quiet. I suffered pain that day but walked home knowing I'd won the moral argument.
watersoul on Mon Jun 27, 2011 11:06 pm
I'm not against parents who spank because we all have various parenting styles where we think it's appropriate for our kids; it's actually either one of these techniques. But personally I would much prefer to punish without any physical contact. There are more positive ways to discipline without being too harsh or too lenient with our kids. The key there is to be consistent with them so that they will know if we, parents, do mean business.
prudence on Tue Apr 10, 2012 4:15 pm
I'm not against parents who spank because we all have various parenting styles where we think it's appropriate for our kids.

I didn't see anything in the link provided to indicate there is any good to come out of using punitive violence to punish kids? Confused
I also don't understand why an awareness of 'various parenting styles' could avoid valid critisism of one style compared to another? Some parenting styles are simply wrong and as a society we should not be scared to point this out because we might offend rubbish parents.

I still stand by my earlier replies and absolutely reject the idea that violence and pain as a punishment for kids is acceptable or even necessary.
If you're 'not against' these spanking parents, I would ask how we define acceptable violence as punishment for kids?
1 smack? 5? 10? Open palm? Fist? Stick or belt? Reddening of the skin for a few minutes? Bruising? Draw blood even?

...or perhaps we completely avoid the violence, and concentrate on other methods which we would expect the adults of the future to adopt themselves from their experiences as children?
watersoul on Mon Apr 16, 2012 7:37 pm

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