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Regreting that I left someone..

So, its been about 2 years since them. Everyday I think about them and and I regret it. I am so miserable. Details:
1.) dating best friend/mate
2.) fell in love with different person when best friend/mate left me
3.) had no intention of getting serious with new person but did and fell in love but was kind of annoyed with a few things about new person that I should vocalized
4.) best friend/mate came back begging for forgiveness
5.) after some time and i mean A LOT of thought i decided, after weighing and weighing the factors, that I would give best friend/mate a chance and broke it off with new person
6.) regret every single day that i walked away from new person and didn't realize how much i loved them until i had spent some time away from them and I am pretty sure they will never ever consider trying things again as they have cut ALL communication with me

After dealing with this:
1.) I realized that I loved them (new person) and lost them. As much as it hurts to miss them I know that I made that choice after a lot of thought.

2.) I also realize that my priorities between then and now have changed and I don't care about the same things anymore (relevancy: meaning that if i had met them now i wouldn't have passed up on them).

3.) I realize that my dilemma had a huge underlying factor. I found myself having to choose my best friend over my new found love. I chose my best friend ( i came to the conclusion much later that i was not in love with best friend nor was i ever) The new person made me realize that i had never experienced love until them.

4.) I wonder if they ever think about me or wonder what may have happened if we stayed together or, in all seriousness, would consider having me again.

5.) I keep circling back to the fact i made this decision after thinking and thinking and thinking. BUT I also realize that the deciding factors in all of my "thinking" are completely irrelevant now. (please keep reading i know i can ramble sometimes).

6.) I know that some of those reasons that influenced my decision were based on their character though. I stand by my decision in that respect because I will never ask someone to change for me (to become someone else that i like better). I will always be accepting of the good and bad collectively.

I guess my question out of all of this is that I miss that person terribly. They are the only person that i have ever loved. They changed their number, quit their job, moved to a different city and have cut me off completely. I miss them. no person before or after them has ever made me feel the way they did. I felt that i could be myself and they liked me for exactly who i was. They liked the things about me i didn't like about me. they encouraged me. they told me that i was "it" for them. told me that they would always be there for me. And that i cannot let go of.

I need advice in how to just deal, how to let go, how to fix the unfix-able. I'm drowning in the mess i made. Embarassed Embarassed Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Confused Confused Question

3 blog comments below

Quite a number of wise people out there say the world as we see it is usually a reflection of ourselves more than those we focus on. How we see them is a mirror image of ourselves. If we want to fix the chaos we have to start with fixing ourselves. We have to be happy with ourselves and be our own best partner first. Then maybe we'll look at those around us in a different light and have much different expectations of our partners.
deanhills on Fri Jun 19, 2015 11:46 pm
blackhippie wrote:
So, its been about 2 years since them. Everyday I think about them and and I regret it. I am so miserable.

Sorrow will fade out slowly...
It is now exact 10 years since my best friend died.
He had a huge alcoholic problem, he had lost his family, a wife and two little children,
he had lost his job.
After a heavy drinking period he was found dead in his apartment.

Every time I go fishing I will remember those days when we went fishing and
we really had a very great time together.
jajarvin on Sat Jun 20, 2015 10:18 am
Can't really help you but I feel your pain.
standready on Sat Jun 20, 2015 3:34 pm

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