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That Kind of Day - Part 2




Since there's apparently a 5-8000 character limit I nearly shat myself when I saw the error that my post wasn't valid. If I had of lost my entire spiel I would have gone bat shit crazy.

Continuing on!

Next item. I basically emailed this whole spiel to my dad since its been a week or more since I've communicated with him aside from getting his computer and setting it up. Since he's not an emotional person this was the best way of saying "hey, I'm doing okay and I'm successful at work and you can marvel at how I only went through the summer unemployed but now I've got this awesome job and experience! I'm mostly happy!"

I went a couple hours after this and felt my mood drop a little. I started feel odd. And when I was sitting on the floor of my kitchen petting Mynx I just started crying. I cried for about half or more before moving myself to my computer and going to the website from work where I could get in touch with a counsellor via online chat. I contemplated calling but I didn't want to be caught up crying and trying to talk at the same time. There was a slight delay in setting up the session because Chrome decided it was going to ignore my attempts to click on a button to send in the form. Chrome. I hate you. On to Mozilla!

I waited a few more moments and then I was chatting with a counsellor, going through the initial crap associated with chat start up, then I blurted everything out. The counsellor initially moved to try and provide coping mechanisms and asking me what I did to relax. I told her straight up I know about those and I practice them and I've been OK for the past couple weeks, barring a couple hiccups here and there. But last night I was hit so hard. It was a night where I so completely missed my mom. I just really wanted to wake up from this bad dream, I just wanted it all to be a bad dream and I've never felt that so strongly! I was completely choked up because I wanted to tell her how well I was doing at work so she could be proud of me, or how hard I was working. I kind of think her response would be "wow" and she'd smile a bit and be impressed with the numbers and she would agree that they need to hire me again or risk seriously damaging the Help Desk. But I can't tell her this. I can't call her or email her. I could write in the journal for my mom... but she still won't see it. She's not here.

While I was crying on the floor in the kitchen I so badly wanted to call my mom or have her here to make me feel better. *Insert bitter laugh* I wanted my mom to come make me feel better or comfort me over her loss, her death. I may have cried for longer if I hadn't reached out to that service last night. I felt alone and lost and I was not in control of myself. I only managed to stop crying because I got everything out of my head and it was about 12:00 AM and I'd been up since 5:00 AM or something. I was exhausted from the long day, the early morning, and the crying had taken a lot out of me. I just threw on my pj's and crawled into bed, popped my ear buds in and played some Halo Reach soundtrack on low volume and then I fell asleep.

My day attempted to start at about 8:00 AM but I was inclined to sleep some more. Somehow I woke up again at 11:00 AM with a Mynx sprawled out next to me. Not sure how that happened because her bowl would most certainly be empty and she should have been meowing at me for food. Maybe she's not a complete dumb-dumb after all.



2 blog comments below

I've had the same thing happening to me with blog post limitation. I've got into the habit now of copying my longer blog posts before I submit them. I also do it with my longer posts in the main Forum as well.

Sounds as though you've been having a rough time. Great that you have all of your support systems worked out. Pretty amazing. Cool
deanhills on Sat Apr 20, 2013 7:48 pm
Wow, I wish I could think of something that would make your sadness go away. I know that you are strong (thanks to your parents) and you will find that inner peace. When you find it, share it with me please, I need some.
standready on Sat Apr 20, 2013 10:33 pm



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