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Finally Bought a Journal

Well, my counsellor has been bugging me about getting a journal so I can write about anything to do with mom. I was pretty stubborn about the whole thing. If I was going to get one it was going to be some fancy journal because memories and thoughts of my mom deserve the best! When I told him that he said "oh, some cheap thing from the dollar store or Walmart is enough. As long as it gets you writing things down..." Well I didn't listen. Not to mention I guess I just wasn't ready to sit down and write things out. I just kept them up in my head or maybe I posted them here, but most of them stayed in my head.

Well, yesterday when I was out with my sister we stopped at Chapters and I eventually worked my way around to the Journal section and looked at the ones they had. I found a few that were okay but one of the first ones I picked up just felt right. They had two slightly different sizes and they had a deep brown and black one. I went with the brown, and the two different sized journals somehow cost the same. Well I went with the larger of the to and then I scrutinized the covers and insides and the little piece that wraps abound the journal.

This is what it looks like:

According to the inside cover at the back it was made in Italy and I'm thinking this is real leather... Smells like it too. This was marked down as $45 and add in 13% tax it was just over $50. I know, that much for leathery covers and plain paper! But it just feels good in my hands and I can see myself writing about mom in this. I made my way to the cash and paid for it and hid the receipt so my sister didn't balk at the price. I'm pretty sure the journal she got was a Walmart special. I did that for my ex, and I probably only wrote in that 3 times, but this is my mom. Someone way too special for some crummy Walmart book.

Anyways, the guy at the cash probably smelled the book 3 times. I'm not sure if he thought I didn't notice because I was looking at the terminal thing, but I could still see him out of the corner of my eye! He handed me the journal and said something like "Enjoy the book!" then realized it was a journal and he had an 'er' moment. He corrected himself and said something like "I mean, enjoy writing in your book!" and then he turned to his coworkers and proceeded to tell his story. It's something I would have done too and I would have had a good laugh I suppose.

Well, I've written in it once. I'm still kind of afraid to write anything though. Anytime I think about writing I get kind of sad and overly emotional (crying, ok!) and while I have moments where I wish I could whip this thing out and write until my hand hurts I can't risk melting down at work. Unless I'm on lunch, then it's okay as long as no one is in the break room.

6 blog comments below

I'd have thought you could print all of the mega-journaling you'd done about your mom in your Frihost blog and paste them into your journal? Some of them were "right in the moment" experiences. Pretty powerful stuff.

At any rate, looks really impressive .... can even smell it from here. Very Happy
deanhills on Tue Apr 16, 2013 7:46 pm
I may recreate some of them but it won't be word for word, and there might be a lot of new stuff that will end up in the journal instead of here. Last night I was writing a few things down and it was almost like I was talking to mom. I mean, some of the times when I called her I was just ranting and words would come tumbling out and it would barely make sense. We'll what I do next time.
TheGremlyn on Tue Apr 16, 2013 8:39 pm
Interesting idea. I hope you find it helpful, therapeutic.

I've got a little notebook that's pretty similar, and I've had it for years, but I've never started using it for much the same reason you hit on: what's going to be good enough for the book Razz Writing about your mother is certainly a worthy use for such a journal, but I haven't really found something strong enough for mine yet.
Ankhanu on Tue Apr 16, 2013 9:04 pm
That looks like a very fine journal for your Mom. Best of luck in your writing but I hope you will still share with your friends here.
standready on Tue Apr 16, 2013 10:24 pm
Dear diary,

Back in the day my mom got so mad at me she grabbed her wooden spoon and chaced me 'round the house. I finally thought I had her beat when I made my escape up the stairs. Unfortunately the wooden spoon reached my back end when I was only half way up the stairs! The funny thing is I don't recall why she was mad at me in the first place... Must have been all the green beans I snagged from the garden. Razz

Oh but those were the days! The days of a troublesome 8 year old daughter and a mom who had dinner on the go and laundry in the wash and two other children and a husband to mind.

*** Feel free to say this with a rediculous accent, makes the whole thing a lot more amusing but I swear it's all true! ***
TheGremlyn on Tue Apr 16, 2013 11:32 pm
I have not used a journal like that for years. What I like about them if you do use them is that you end up putting them somewhere and stop using them at some point. Then after a long period of time get to read it or scan it like it.

The difference is it is in book form.
Bluedoll on Sun Apr 21, 2013 10:48 am

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