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Well, last nights dream started out with a familiar scene. I'm... somewhere and my ex is there. I'm trying to figure out what is going on, why we're in the same room. I hate him and don't want to see him and yet he seems to have forgotten this. He starts talking like he still likes me and whatever other lies come out of his mouth.

Down the familiar path I go where he wants to start things up again and I can only half think to myself 'go away, stop petting me!'. I basically feel like dousing myself in bleach and lighter fluid after one of these dreams.

There is a brief moment where my dad walks by or at least I think I see him walk by and the dream gets a little wonky. I fall of the dream wagon since I'm stuck on the fact I only saw my dad. Just him, walking by, sort of old and frail. I mean, he didn't really look different but I got the sense he was tired and just worn out like he'd gained some years and they were hard on him.

It makes me wonder if this dream is just the beginning of the dreams I might have about my mom. I kind of wonder if the dream would have been different if she was still alive. I wonder if only seeing my dad emphasizes the fact that she's not here anymore.

I sort of feel like I'm sitting on the edge of a chair, wondering when and what kind of dreams I'll have that will torment my mind with her loss. It freaks me out a bit. I know the loss of my mom is drastically different from the loss some stupid man child but it is a loss. Eek!

3 blog comments below

Sounds bit like a nightmare than a dream .. Sad
dude_xyx on Thu Mar 28, 2013 6:18 pm
Darn, another nightmare with your ex in it. I thought you were pass that. We both know you are better.
standready on Thu Mar 28, 2013 9:37 pm
I thought I was past it for about a month but I guess it's just because I was horribly derailed and now things are sort of settling. Actually last nights dream took me back to my first apartment where I was trying to set up a portable AC. Completely random!
TheGremlyn on Thu Mar 28, 2013 10:02 pm

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