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The Funeral

So the funeral for my mom was today. Last night I had a moment where I was thinking "I'm going to my mom's funeral... my mom's!" It freaked me out a bit and it took me quite some time to get to sleep and I ended up getting up a half hour before my alarm.

My friend's mom, whom I've been staying with this past week since it happened, went in to the funeral home with my dad and my sister and me. We met up with my sister's boyfriend and my brother. We went in and had a look around at how my mom's things had been arranged.

We'd brought in a lot of photos. Sweaters she had knit for herself and my dad, that massive afghan she knit as well as the scarf she made for herself and another that looks like she could have been in the middle of... We'd brought in a snowman pillow because she really liked collecting snowman things (pillows, ornaments for the tree, broaches, oven mitts, etc). There was also the quilt she and her mom (my gramma) had made together for my dad as a gift. Her wedding dress had been pulled out and hung up... We had her old gardening book as well as a little pot of gardening tools she used for the vegetable garden and flower beds...

It was a private service (meaning invite only) so we could control who turned up. People from my dad's work and my sister and brother's work showed up. Quite a few people turned up from the hospital my mom worked at. Neighbors and friends also came by. Of course one of my mom's brothers and sisters came with their families. Some of them I hadn't seen in years and they would come up and say "do you remember who I am or should I tell you". Of course I recognized them (more so the adults and older cousins since they didn't change very much once they reached a certain age).

I had a few moments where I practically cried because I could see the picture slide show of my mom in the back, a particularly sad song was playing in the background and I was listening to my dad talk a bit about mom... Dad wouldn't say much that touched too deeply on the subject because he was holding onto whatever control he could muster.

The service eventually started and the minister opened up with a bit of a prayer. Then my dad managed to get up and he said a little bit, his voice only faded once. He kept it very practical and logical... it's the way he is and he also has a hard time confronting such strong emotions... Then the minister switched over and read what I had wrote about my mom. There was no way I would have been able to speak, what with my voice being little more than a croak because I've had a sore throat, cough fits and that fact I would have been crying... I wanted people to actually heard what I had to say so it was best if the minister said it for me. I started crying as soon as he said he was going to read my little speech and I kept crying until he had finished. Then my sister got up and read for my brother and then she read for herself.

More prayers took place followed by a hymn, which I couldn't sing despite knowing it very well. Then we broke for the reception and I manage to have some tea and two quarter pieces of a tuna sandwich. I'm not sure who it was who came up to me but they ask me if what the minister read were my words and I said every word of it was from me. I didn't give him points, I gave him paragraphs.

I managed to get a hug from my nephew, who was being very shy when I asked for a hug. He only launched himself at me when his other gramma gave me a hug. I ended up getting about 5 hugs from him in the end, which was awesome!

What was supposed to be a quick "ok, I'm heading out now I'll let you know about moving on Saturday" to my dad ended up being some length ramble about repairing vehicles followed by a question "I hope you're not afraid of the house." I didn't really answer that because the truth is I am kind of am afraid of the house. I'm going to need some time to get over the shock and trauma of seeing my mom on the bathroom floor and then the kitchen floor and just the whole night!

Of course when I finally got back to my friend's mom's house I had to try and get a hold of my superintendent for the apartment I'm supposed to being moving in with. I managed to actually leave a message since the phone didn't just drop off without giving me a 'beep'. Then I took a nap.

I still have a nasty cough and it was something that started developing last Wednesday afternoon so on top of being very sad I've been freaking miserable with sickness!!!

I'll post what I wrote for the funeral in a bit...

1 blog comments below

Sorry I missed seeing this post sooner. Oh L, that sounds like a lovely service. I hope you get over whatever bug is running your system.
standready on Sat Mar 02, 2013 9:16 pm

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