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The Cause

So my sister probably called me just over 45 minutes ago and she told me what the coroner told her about my mom. It's about time too because they've had her since at least Wednesday night!

My mom died due to a ruptured aortic aneurysm. He said it had nothing to do with the car accident she had, though it could have accelerated it, but the aneurysm could have been developing over the past 10 to 15 years. Even if my mom got checked out after the accident and they found it, she would have only had a 10% chance of surviving the surgery because the lining of her aorta would have been too thin.

So while that basically say nothing we could have done that night would have made a difference, that's still little comfort. Knowing my mom was going to die eventually... and reading up on what happens when one ruptures... I mean, a ruptured aortic aneurysm could cause loss of consciousness, stroke, shock, or a heart attack.

I just have nightmarish images in my head of my mom basically clutching her chest in pain and having huge difficulties breathing as she basically bleeds out internally and then passes out. It's a terrible thing for me to do but my brain can be very mean. Eventually such images will go away. I can still see her when she was happy and everything but right now it's tough.

So this is clearly a lesson! Go to your friggin' doctor and get checked out on a regular basis for crazy things like this! Otherwise you're a cruel person when you drop dead in front of loved ones because you're a negligent a-hole!

The coroner said this might be genetic so my sister, brother and I will need to let our doctor know we have a history of heart complications. They'll have to keep an eye on our blood pressure and cholesterol and who knows what else they'll have to do. It'll be tough to detect one of these things unless you're looking for it. I just wouldn't want to have something like this happen to my loved ones and just leave them so suddenly.

My dad is very broken up about it... He lost his wife and friend and someone he really depended on... He is used to so many habits, like my mom going to work and coming home, grocery shopping on Saturday, having supper at 6pm, talking about each other's day in the kitchen by the stove...

Hell I can't even call her up any more... I mean, yesterday I found $60 in the parking of Superstore (big grocery store), I bought a Hello! magazine and have like $55.50 left over. Then I went out with two of my girl friends that night to Walmart and bought a plate set, croc-kpot, small meat thermometer, 2 difference sized Pyrex measuring cups and a bottle of juice and a box of Campbell's cup of soup. With my friend's employee discount I spent just over $6 of my own money (as opposed to the $60 something it was worth since I used the rest of the money I'd found). I wanted to be able to call my mom and tell her about this crazy adventure... and I can't. And I don't do the whole "talking to the sky" or whatever. I may believe my mom has gone to join her family and our past pets up there somewhere... but she's gone from here and I can't talk to her the way I would normally talk to her, I can touch her, hear her, see her or smell her. She's just gone.

I will think of her... I will miss her... I can at least be happy that she knows that she left a strong daughter behind. She knows I'll be okay and I can look after myself and if I can't, she knows I have friends who will help me through just about anything. I have a good job, I have a good apartment lined up (although I'm sad she won't be able to see what it looks like), I'm going to be OK.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to cry now.

2 blog comments below

I can still see her when she was happy and everything

Hold on to that tightly and share with your Dad the things you want to with your Mom! That will help him and you. When you go to your doctor, tell the doc what happen to your Mom and ask if there is any test you can have or warning signs the doc and you should watch out for.
My brother died of a brain aneurysm, one that leaked and caused sever headaches before it bust and took him. His aneurysm was too deep inside his brain for surgery.
standready on Mon Feb 25, 2013 12:30 am
Knowing that you were powerless should help the ill-placed guilt you were feeling, but, yeah, that's pretty hollow comfort.
I hope your cry helped. Good luck with the grieving process and healing.
Ankhanu on Mon Feb 25, 2013 6:55 am

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