Went through my emails and trashed a lot of them from school and other random places. I was very annoyed when I saw ones from the ex and he had called me "Gorgeous girlfriend". Makes me angry and makes me want to vomit or just break something... Okay, well I was kind of miffed and I feel like the whole relationship was a lie and he was a lie and he's just the biggest jerk in the whole wide world... I hate him to pieces. So I'm glad those stupid emails are gone.
The only emails I kept were the e-transfer emails when we were splitting rent. I had the cheques so he'd email me money. I kept those as a record of how much we contributed since April. Still waiting for my landlord to give me a rent receipt. He was supposed to have those ready... last Sunday? But he never contacted me to say he was in town so... guess I'll have to text him or call him and figure out what's going on. He originally wanted to give them to us at the apartment but when I emailed him the sections of the e-transfer emails and corresponding activities in my account I mentioned that it would be a bad idea to meet there and that I'd be in town and could meet him somewhere close by.
But some good news. I'm able to access some aspects of the Employee Assistance Program at work, even thought I'm only on contract. I've been taking advantage of the chat counsellors so if I wake up at 430am and need someone to talk to I can easily fire up my laptop and get some stuff out and work through the issue. I did that the other night when it was dead at work. We picked a topic, which was my feelings towards the breakup, and just ran through from the beginning and explored how I felt and talked a bit about steps to move on.
The relationship was so one sided. Anyone looking in from the outside could see that. He didn't care about me at all and I think he was just looking for a sexual relationship (which makes me laugh cause I don't look for those and I couldn't keep up and I wasn't all the interested). So I have some satisfaction knowing that like 75% of the time I was there but I was thinking "is it over yet?"
Clearly when I am with Mr Right I'll have deeper feelings for him and we'll be a better match. Sex will be more enjoyable when it's shared. You know, wanted by both as opposed to just one and having to go along with it so they don't get mad or annoyed. So much crap came out of his mouth about having to be super sexually active otherwise you weren't in a healthy relationship. Oh, I don't want to have sex right now so that somehow means I don't like you... Umm... okay... If I don't like you, I'm not going to live with you or hug you or talk to you. Sex would be the least of your worries.
Well that was a rant... I feel better now
6 blog comments below
Whenever I compared your relationship with him to the relationship I have with my boyfriend, I would see so many things wrong there. And I would think, this is not the way a loving relationship should be. He only cared about himself, and he thought with his dick, not his head. You guys had pretty much nothing in common. Girls need to watch out for guys like this. They lay on the charm just so that they can get into their pants. They make themselves seem sweet and vulnerable when really they are just selfish jerkwads.
Lioness90 on Sat Feb 02, 2013 12:43 am
OK L! It is good that you are cleaning the past and moving on. I am glad that you have a counselor to chat with. Just do me one favor, look into a mirror and tell yourself what you see. Maybe share that with the counselor.
standready on Sat Feb 02, 2013 10:52 pm
I just did look into the mirror. I quite like what I see. Got my hair trimmed up and they put stuff in it and straightened it so it's all soft and nice! Turning into a bit of a bob or just a short cut which makes me look cute right now (can't be taken seriously about anything!). Also tried out a new lip gloss I bought (retail therapy) and my friend dubbed it the 'evening wear' lip gloss because it's a bit darker then my natural lip colour, the other is a bit lighter. So half way through a shift at work I'll go from all innocent and nice to 'sexy lady at the Help Desk' LOL!
TheGremlyn on Sun Feb 03, 2013 2:54 am
Very good, L!
standready on Sun Feb 03, 2013 11:44 pm
Glad you can see it in hindsight, now I wonder if you will be able to see it if you ever get in another relationship like that. It sucks when the relationship isn't going the way one would desire, but some people just want sex from their SO. I find this very distasteful and what not, but to each their own I guess, just wish they would be upfront about it. Good job at getting rid of those emails. Hugs.
pauline123 on Mon Feb 04, 2013 3:10 pm
Pauline, you're awesome! Hugs make everything that little but better
TheGremlyn on Tue Feb 05, 2013 5:44 am