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That's the best I can do for a title right now. Cause all I want to do is scream.

Start of the day: Waking up before 5am... and I had a dream that mentioned the ex cause for some reason my mom and I were in a store and that last bit left us looking at socks for the ex and then thinking he could use a pair of jeans instead.

Tried to employ some tactics my counsellor suggested and had a warm shower... that was probably the longest shower because I was just sitting with the water streaming on me for a good 20 minutes, maybe 30 minutes. I only got out because I knew the hot water was going to run out soon and that would have been hugely unpleasant. After that I moved to watching some Stargate to distract myself while I made my lunch for the day.

On to the second part of my morning where I got to my friend's house and tried to nap for about 2 hours before going to the gym. I had another dream of the ex, although he wasn't' there. It was more about somehow having a third key for the apartment and just walking in and going on his laptop and getting complete access to his facebook and email account. And doing terrible terrible things... And then the girl I figure he's traded me in for walks in and I wake up with the feeling that I was going to murder her... Suffice to say I was angry and disturbed and who knows what else. I probably sat for a good half hour before it was time to head to the gym.

Workout was okay. I could really only managed the seated bike, though I tried the arch trainer for a good 5 minutes before my legs wanted to die! I did the bike for another half hour then figured I had enough time to shower and head out. Of course on the way out the trainer I had when I started at gym (complimentary thing upon joining) was there. She's a (facebook) friend of the ex. That just made my sanity take a dive.

Overall I'm in a really terrible, pissed off, miserable mood right now. On top of that since yesterday I haven't been able to control my flippin' brain and stop it from bringing up thoughts and images and memories of the ex. It probably doesn't help that my life was consumed by him for a little over a year and a bit. Those memories are the strongest since we spent like every day together and usually went everywhere with each other.

I do my best to force my brain to think of other things but unless I am actively thinking of other things my brain just goes "tra la la la la" and thinks of the ex.

God I could scream right about now! And I'm hungry! I just wanted today to be good and the only thing I probably accomplished was the workout and going to work.

Friday has a lot of making up to do and if the sky doesn't puke rainbows and butterflies I'm going to kick someone's ass! *Shakes fist with a squirrely eyed expression*

3 blog comments below


It's amazing how our dreams can influence our entire day, isn't it?
Ankhanu on Thu Jan 31, 2013 7:52 pm
The day is bound to get better with a start like that. Smile May the rest of day go well. Xbox!
standready on Thu Jan 31, 2013 10:47 pm
Agreed with Standready. It can only get better from here forwards. My day yesterday started at the crest of a wave, and then generally as could have been predicted, sloped downwards after that. Think I was at the bottom of that wave last night. Thinking that if I had not been at the high, I'd never have got to the low. Ahhhh the tricks a person's mind can play are infinite!
deanhills on Fri Feb 01, 2013 2:40 am

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