So I got off work yesterday at 9 pm and headed back to the terminal. Met up with a friend and headed for a quick coffee at Nata's Cafe until about 10 pm since my mom was meeting me at the terminal to take me back to the middle of nowhere.
We ended up talking about relationship stuff. You know, what was love for him and did I really feel it? I mean, in the end I didn't and I didn't think it was something that would happen so quickly for me. I think I would grow to love someone. I mean, how do you love someone within months when you barely know them? I was really just at the stage of "I really like you... a lot..."
We also talking about stages of a relationship and it was great getting his perspective on things. I mean, the first level he described as finding someone who fills a need. I think for me I look for someone who has strength and security and I feel that when I have their arms wrapped around me in a hug. I mean, that might be something that comes from my dad when I was little. I always felt safe with him and secure and he was always so strong (not just physically). So I found that in my ex.
The next was taking the negative things about that person and not being overwhelmed with them. Feeling that they're things you can deal with. I may have told myself I could have but over time I think the insecurities, the jealousy and the way he could immediately get defensive became too much to handle. We were supposed to be a team but that didn't seem to sink in with him and he would not deviate from that.
The last would have been taking those negatives and deriving your own energy from them. In my friend's case his ex girlfriend would often dive too deeply into this. In terms of games she would not sit by and be a spectator. She wanted to compete. My friend loves to teach and he is amazing at it. He could take the most complicated math and somehow make you understand what he was doing. So with his ex he was fueled by being able to teach her how to play these games and helping her improve (although she ended up being very terrible at them).
I don't think I reached that stage. I don't think I was even close. I could not derive energy from my ex's negative aspects. In fact, I started to feel drained. It was exhausting. And maybe these are the negatives he was talking about but they were always there and they were negative. Maybe if I had more of that drive to help someone and I was able to get him to work through his issues then I would have had that energy. But it's not like he was willing. Either he doesn't think he needs the help and he thinks he can just get over it (more like suppressing it) or I don't know...
But anyways, when I finally got home I turned on my laptop to get to work on a document for my (sadly) old landlord. He really was a great landlord and the apartment the ex and I had together so so nice. I had Steam up and running and this is what happened...
10:57 PM - [ - ] Rook [ - ]: fun talk
10:57 PM - [ - ] Rook [ - ]: you have a lot more to you than i initially thought
10:57 PM - [ - ] Rook [ - ]: i like it
11:00 PM - The Gremlyn: I'm not sure if I should be insulted or complimented or whatever...
11:00 PM - [ - ] Rook [ - ]: complimented
11:00 PM - [ - ] Rook [ - ]: you know very well you're a quite shy person
11:00 PM - [ - ] Rook [ - ]: it's one of your best traits
11:03 PM - The Gremlyn: that I'm quiet and shy?
11:03 PM - The Gremlyn: I'm always like that with new people and in crowds. I'm more of a conversationalist when it's one-on-one
Then he went off to play games. But we did have a great conversation and it was unfortunate that we had to cut it off at 10 pm and that's not just because my mom was waiting, but I did have to work and I needed sleep. Although, working on that document for the landlord took me to about 1am. Thankful I got to nap at my friend's place so I'm good to go!
4 blog comments below
Sounds like it was a good talk. I always find what some find as a massive plus about me is something I find to be a negative. For me I am kind of shy, quiet, and not a talker, some people love that but others hate it. Another I prefer to use written word for communication, rather than say it vocally, and some people find that annoying. I really prefer writing stuff down than saying it, that is one of my little quirks that eally gets to some people. Hope you get to continue your talk, soon. Take care.
pauline123 on Fri Jan 25, 2013 10:23 pm
Good for you, L! You needed that.
standready on Sat Jan 26, 2013 2:41 am
That must have been a unique experience. A great eye opener.
deanhills on Sat Jan 26, 2013 3:35 pm
It's those kind of conversations you have with someone that involves a lot of deep thinking and reflection, even debate. These kind of conversations I've had with people make you really think about how you feel about a subject.
TheGremlyn on Sat Jan 26, 2013 4:56 pm