My family isn't the greatest at showing affection... I mean, we know we love each other and we care what happens... but we're different.
Today my sister posted a picture/quote/saying on my Facebook wall. While I know she cares for me, this really hit me because it was like she was saying "I know you're suffering and your suffering hurts me too. You're my little sister and I don't want you to lose who you are because I love the person you are and I would never want that to change."
The image in question just has a faded image of a flower behind it in hues of white and pink. In front is clear, black text that reads:
"Never lose yourself trying to hold on to someone who doesn't care about losing you."
Like everyone on Frihost who has seen my posts, my sister has seen me. She knows I'm hurting and that I'm often haunted by my memories and my dreams (sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between the two).
I know that I have to let go of these memories and these feelings because if I don't it'll destroy me. I don't want that to happen because I want to be that happy, fun and crazy person I used to be, or am... I haven't really lost myself but part of me is buried under the hate and the anger and the sadness and the pain.
I need to be me again. I need to embrace my nerd side again and get back that Gremlyn attitude! I need to raise that eyebrow of mine that could say "what ARE you on about" or "Riiiight" or who knows what else (I have very expressive eyebrows).
I need to dust the dirt from my pants and wash the smudges from my face and look ahead in determination. I mean, I'm TheGremlyn! This is unacceptable!
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