So tomorrow is going to be a big and unpleasantly stressful day. Since it was obvious that I wasn't going to get the space I needed and I was seriously going crazy and wasn't eating or sleeping properly I had no choice but to move home with my parents. I wanted to try and find a nice 1 bedroom apartment for myself and the cat but he seemed like things weren't moving fast enough for him. I'd looked at one apartment that day but it was just a little too small and I need to way a month or so to get more money.
There was always the option that he could move out and I could stay in the apartment (a pretty nice place with a claw-foot tub) but I have this thing where I attach emotions and memories to physical things and staying in that apartment would have driven me insane! So, after crying to my mom over the phone because of a particularly stressful encounter, we decided it was best if I moved home; even my Doctor said that would definitely reduce my anxiety levels.
So I grabbed as much stuff as I could and headed home. Now I just have to get the rest of my stuff and we've agreed that it's best if he's not there. Even though he won't be there it's still going to be super stressful. Moving in the winter makes it even worse. Right now the weather is pretty mild and everything is melting, but once the temperature drops that melted snow will turn to ice! Maybe I'll luck out and it will be a dry day and my mattress won't get wet and no one will slip on the stairs.
Once I get my stuff I'll just have to set up my room again and maybe get some new bedding. When I broke up with my last/first boyfriend I ran out and bought new bedding because I could stand to sleep in that bed with those covers. I remember seeing a really nice one from Home Outfitters but that was easily over a year ago. It was a white duvet cover with some cherry blossoms and branches. I've hear it might still be there so I'm excited!
Since I'll be spending less money I'll have more money to get a few things for when I do move out again (XBOX 360 and a TV for one thing, bookshelf, tv stand). I have a few options for when I move out. I can either find a place for just myself, which I could afford a few places out there but they're just not available for a couple months (and something better might come up). I could also move in with a friend. The other option is to wait until my sister's lease is up and we can get a house together (most likely rent unless the parents want to help with a down payment). The issue with the friend thing is they have their own plans and you never know when that could change. The issue with the sister is she has 6 cats and adding my own that's 7 CATS IN A HOUSE!!!!
So I'm quiet tempted to just get a 1 bedroom apartment for myself and make it my special place that I can escape to. Sure I'd have friends over but I can get my space whenever I want. What would be great about moving with my sister is we actually like each other and we'll be there for each other and we can rely on each other to hold our end of the rent and bills and keep things clean..... but there is a 50 minute drive between where I work and where she works...
I guess it's a little too soon to think about this. I just need to get settle again and I'll look for places periodically but I shouldn't be in any hurry to run out the door again. I'm just glad this is almost over and I can put that mistake behind me.
4 blog comments below
Wishing you the best TheGremlyn. Hurts a lot, but you seem to be doing all of the right moves. Really great decisions. This is probably the most painful part, good that you are doing it thoroughly looking forwards and not backwards.
deanhills on Fri Jan 11, 2013 9:43 pm
I do hope all works out well for you. I know it will.
standready on Fri Jan 11, 2013 10:57 pm
I do appreciate the support and kind words. I feel a bit like I can't even think and I'm just flailing blindly through this. I can't be 100% sure what is right or what I should do, partially because I'm hurting inside. I was confident in my decision to move home but when I got there I felt out of place and I wanted to run back, but I couldn't do that knowing what I'd be going back to... It's really scary when something like this can have such a strong impact on your body (sick every night and getting no sleep). I was just expecting to cry every night.
TheGremlyn on Fri Jan 11, 2013 11:14 pm
Of course you feel out of place in a different (be it not new) environment. Give it a week and it will feel like you never left. It is good you have parent's support during this. As Dorothy said "There is no place like home".
standready on Sat Jan 12, 2013 10:56 pm