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Mixed messages from a loved one





furtasacra
Some days, he says he loves me. Some days he says he hates me. He wraps his body around mine at night like an octupus. He acts jealous when I hang out with my male friends, even the gay ones.

I know he's being an ass, but he wasn't like this when I fell in love with him 50 million years ago.
JoshuAAR
Sounds like he has changed big time then. If he says he hates you, well then i think its about time you took the initiative and showed him the door. That is not the sort of phrase you should throw around lightly to your 'loved one'. Especially if a few hours later he just gets into bed with you and puts on the 'octopus moves'.

He also sounds very controlling, because he gets jealous whenever you hang out with any guys, even gay ones. You may have a great past. But it things keep going how you just so briefly described them, i dont see much of a future.
killerqueen
You should ask him what's going on. It may seem weird, but that's a very common problem among couples. Jelousy is something natural and it increases over the years. Also, you have to bear in mind that people have periods of time when they are happy, periods when they are sad, or periods when they're juts plain weird. Give him time, talk to him, and if he doesn't respond, as JoshuAAR said; you can't show him the door.
ssthanapati
furtasacra wrote:
Some days, he says he loves me. Some days he says he hates me. He wraps his body around mine at night like an octupus. He acts jealous when I hang out with my male friends, even the gay ones.

I know he's being an ass, but he wasn't like this when I fell in love with him 50 million years ago.


Guys are possesive about something they love... be it their car or GF. When my gf gets 2 clingy with male friends or gay friends of hers i get jealous too. But i refrain from expressing it. I just get get little bit clingy with my female friends and she is burning in jealosy... Works great... Twisted Evil

neways my point is... what would u do if u actually saw him doing the same for real... dont give idealistic answers... most probably u will get ur answer
jenss
I'm sure it depends on the sutuation that you are in. When you say 50 million years ago you fell in love - maybe he's falling out of lust. It might be a long time or it might just seem like a long time. Are the two of you married? Are kids involved? When you go from here depends on a lot of factors. Whatever the case good communication is the key to sorting it all out.
me410
Is a boy, at least mentally, must grow up, face odds, in my country there are a bravado quote: Only the toughtiest are really men.
Coen
If he tells you he hates you, I would seriously doubt if he is still the one for you.
It's up to you after all, but from what you have posted, I gather that you are bothered by tention in your relationship to say the least. It might be wise to talk it over with your friend so that you can try to find a way and solve it.
furtasacra
Update: He's moving out.

I feel very peculiar. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I feel strangely fragile, like I might shatter into a billion fragments if anybody breathes on me.

Don't like it.
rightclickscott
I've been there, Furtascara. Really, when it comes to people like that, sometimes it's better to move on. There's no reason why you should be in a relationship with him if he can't get passed you hanging around friends. It's gonna hurt for a while, trust me. But the best thing to do is to talk with friends about it. You may have to stay away from relationships entirely. That's what I did. Eventually, you'll move on, and you can get back to your life, and maybe even find somebody new! He may even try to get back into your life, but if he broke your heart like that, you can't take the chance, because you'll just get hurt again. It's going to be hard, but you'll get through it.
furtasacra
rightclickscott wrote:
I've been there, Furtascara. Really, when it comes to people like that, sometimes it's better to move on. There's no reason why you should be in a relationship with him if he can't get passed you hanging around friends. It's gonna hurt for a while, trust me. But the best thing to do is to talk with friends about it. You may have to stay away from relationships entirely. That's what I did. Eventually, you'll move on, and you can get back to your life, and maybe even find somebody new! He may even try to get back into your life, but if he broke your heart like that, you can't take the chance, because you'll just get hurt again. It's going to be hard, but you'll get through it.


I wish people would quit telling me I'll find somebody new. It's not gonna happen. I'm OLD, and nobody wants me except guys who are either old and decrepit, guys who are young, crass, and shallow, or guys looking for a mommy for their kids.

That last type is the most annoying. Most of them seem to think "Hey! She can take care of my kids, but she doesn't have any extra mouths for me to feed! Perfect!" and that I'm just DESPERATE for a child to love and care for, but I'm not. I'm childless by choice. I am not overflowing with frustrated maternal instinct. To be honest, I don't like children very much. I like looking at pictures of cute children, but I don't want actual children physically in my immediate vicinity for more than five minutes.

No, I'm not finding anybody else. If I can't be with the man who promised to love me and stay with me until we got old and died, I'm just going to buy a vibrator and call it a day.
Arnie
You sound like you're part of the Childfree* LJ community. I hope after giving it some time you'll get a more positive attitude, which will allow you to meet new guys. Of course you can't expect all of them to be suitable for you...

*Warning: contains some bad language and an impolite sense of humor. Proceed at your own risk.
deanhills
furtasacra wrote:
I wish people would quit telling me I'll find somebody new. It's not gonna happen. I'm OLD, and nobody wants me except guys who are either old and decrepit, guys who are young, crass, and shallow, or guys looking for a mommy for their kids.

That last type is the most annoying. Most of them seem to think "Hey! She can take care of my kids, but she doesn't have any extra mouths for me to feed! Perfect!" and that I'm just DESPERATE for a child to love and care for, but I'm not. I'm childless by choice. I am not overflowing with frustrated maternal instinct. To be honest, I don't like children very much. I like looking at pictures of cute children, but I don't want actual children physically in my immediate vicinity for more than five minutes.

No, I'm not finding anybody else. If I can't be with the man who promised to love me and stay with me until we got old and died, I'm just going to buy a vibrator and call it a day.


That's a good starting point. Couples often go through difficult times, hopefully you can work on this together. And this is a healthy attitude on your part. If you cannot change him while he is going through a weird phase, may just as well change yourself. And hopefully have a good time. As guys are strange, they like their women to be able to look after themselves and have a great time, and that is when they will try to catch on. Perhaps a new hobby for yourself?

Think it is sort of pointless and hurtful to think about how things were before. Perhaps you have to go through the not so good times to actually getting better than what things were before, and the "better" will be a different better. Maybe you are the stage where you are the other half of one another. I am certain with your attitude that it will work out. At least he is jealous, and not the other opposite, totally disinterested. So he must be still into you.
andysart380
Everybody changes, if hes getting jealous than he isn't so sure about the relationship.. if he thought the relationship was stable he wouldn't have anything to worry about, it may be something your doing that you may not even notice, maybe saying things wrong.... you should confront him and ask him why he gets jealous, just listen to him and take into consideration what he has to say don't jump before he gets his point across..
furtasacra
Grrr. The man is confused. He tells me to move on and find somebody else, and then gets all huffy about friends coming over to visit. And the redneck trash he's living with is CRAZY jealous and doesn't want him to every speak to me again.

It's bizarre. She's homely and stupid, and as far as I'm concerned she's just borrowing him without my permission.

I don't feel jealous so much as insulted.
RubySlasher
So you still want him?

To be honest, his homely and stupid girlfriend sounds like a perfect match.

Anyways, it seems like he's trying to control your social life from afar. That's bad news, maybe it'd be good to stop giving him updates on how you're doing.
apple
Hmmm...I think you're better off without him. There is no reason why you should love and be with someone who treats you like crap.

If he has moved out to live with another woman, let it go. If it were me, there was no way he was coming back!

About not finding someone else...hunny no matter you age, love can come. I know people who thought love would never be a part of their lives and just when they reached the end of their road, love was right there waiting. So while you feel frustrated and stuff, your perfect, compatible partner may be as frustrated cause he to ended up with an idiot.

Time does heal, take it from one who swore never to love again. Now I am proud to say that after 9 years of being cold, angry and bitter....my heart lives again.
PennyLane
To me he sounds like a typical man Smile
Xrave
umm... if you don't want to hurt yourself, talk to him about it and straighten the mess. if you don't want to be hurt at this moment, kindly ignore the fact and continue to do as normal.
furtasacra
I had a long, unpleasant conversation with myself, and have figured out that I am terrified of dying alone and unloved. I may die alone, but I will not be unloved. I have friends. My passing will not go unmourned or unnoticed.

I'm just horrified about the possibility of living another 40 or 50 years in celibacy. I come from a long-lived family, and I think I'd rather die than have sex with any of the repulsive, wrinkled, dried-up, crusty old people who want to get in my pants lately.

Edit: If you're over forty and you aren't David Bowie, don't even think about it.
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