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A relationship with yourself





iyepes
We always talk about relationships with others, but what about a relationship with ourselves?

I remember a time in my life when I was everything but a good company to myself, and in fact I avoided being alone with myself, I was a disturbing company.

Years later (and a therapist in between), I finally learned how to be friend of mine. I spend time on my own and I can really enjoy it. I don't feel that desperately feelings of loneliness and abandonement I used to. I'm a good company to me now.

I do some things to confort me, like taking a long bath with hot water, watching a good movie with good food, reading a good book.

Which are those moments you spend with yourself? what do you do to improve your relationship with yourself?

I have to add something, I live on my own since 6 years ago. When someone ask me, who do you live with? I always answer, with me myself. Some people just laugh at it, others feel somehow offended, and say, ah, you live alone, and I said, NO, I live with me myself.
Bluedoll
Me, Myself and I? ... by Bluedoll

Totally in harmony with your thoughts in this post so please don’t think less of me if I make a play on words to say you were a zero until I came along. A zero that is for replied posts. Was thinking that was very funny concerning the topic.

Now that we are here together. You up there and me down here (in posts) allow me to say that I can very much relate to what you are saying and think its wonderful that you can be alone and see value in that. I too share those good feelings when alone and often crave that time. I think however thier are some personality types that can not achieve contentment without company.

As for how we talk about it, some people could construe a statement “I live with myself” as funny or with concern because long periods left alone can make people appear a little strange. For example, one talking to oneself becomes second nature and then perhaps even answering back. So, I guess we just need to have a nice balance when living alone to spend some quality time alone but also some quality time with others.

To answer your great questions, I would have to say that my more enjoyable times with myself is in play time. By that I am referring to my creative outlets such as music or art in one form or another. I also like that solitary craft of writing. Even if I am not great at it, I do enjoy.

I think my one accomplishment has been acceptance of who I am and along with it some contentment. Sometimes, you wish you were somewhere else or someone else but you really can only be one person – yourself and so I think accepting your life is crucial.
seba3977
sometimes, 1 has 2 be alone 2 b happy
jenss
To be quite honest, I don't believe that it's (long term) possible to be in a rewarding relationship with someone else unless you have a rewarding relationship with yourself. Sure it's lonely sometimes, but it's important to have hobbies and interests of your own. Sometimes we share those hobbies or interests with others and sometimes they are just ours. To truely be happy, we need to have a variety of outlets and some of them should be withourselves and some with others. This is really great that you have learned to enjoy the time you spend with yourself. There is a reason why the saying is "me, myself, and I" because we can be our own company. And we are never truely alone when we have a dynamic thought process.
ssthanapati
Living alone or living with yourself is possible. Even i prefer to be alone in the whole house.

But do u think someone can be with himself or herself all the time not limiting to the period he or she spends the time alone in the house. By it i mean alone everywhere. Cut out from the world. No tv or books as that is bringing u in contact with the thought process of other humans. And if so how long can a person stay like that. Its more like solitary confinement.
TrueFact
I agree with jenss
Quote:
To be quite honest, I don't believe that it's (long term) possible to be in a rewarding relationship with someone else unless you have a rewarding relationship with yourself.


To be a successful person, you need to accept yourself and be a friend of it. For this to happen, you'll need to have your time to enjoy with yourself and no one else. It doesn't matter how long as it depends on personality. Some may take hours while others will find that 20 minutes is enough.

ssthanapati: You don't need to live alone (or with yourself) to be a friend of yours or to have your space. Just spend sometime alone if you find that bringing you positive results.

I've read recently that most of the people when spend time alone, they think negatively which have a destructive effect on oneself. If you find yourself thinking or talking to yourself negatively, stop it at once by trying to spend more time with others.

ssthanapati: A human being can never live alone for long times with nothing to do and nobody to talk and interact with. Eventually, that person will be driven crazy.
legendary_queen
It's very important to have a relationship with yourself. You can't love others if you don't love yourself.


I know people who cannot spend a single moment by themselves. they always need to be around people.

As much as i enjoy spending time with other people,I also enjoy being by myself. Reading a book,going online or thinking are things that I can't live without. I need my own space. When I am in a relationship,I still maintain the relationship I have with myself. I expect my boyfriend to do the same. I can't be with someone that isn't on good terms with his self.

Very Happy
tass_
"Takes two to tango"

I like your thoughts Bluedoll. And I dare say I share them, also, you write with great humour, I like that. My relationship with myself is very important to me, and the people around me, simply because it makes a difference on how well I can stay calm, relaxed and focused in every day situations.

I often play the role as the solid point to come back to when things get shaky for friends of mine, and in situations like that, it's crucial that you are in harmony with yourself. Just doesn't work out if you are unsure in yourself.

I try to put a lot of time into sleeping, and engaging in creative activity whenever I can, to develop myself, and stay in tune, to cope with life's obstacles. A quote of a friend of mine has helped me greatly; "Life is harsh! You just have to accept facts and get on with it". Something I tell myself every morning I wake up, and struggle to get out of that oh-so-comfy sleeping state of mind.

But generally, it's easier to keep yourself sane if you have some sort of peer to exchange thoughts and feelings with, as I quoted above; "Takes two to tango", some things just aren't plausible to do all by yourself.
Bluedoll
.... maybe I should start a new thread? . . . rather than change iyepes’s theme because so far there are some really good posts on this topic . . . nice to see other people share some similar thoughts. It is rather uplifting to read such positive comments thus far.

....just wondering along with this topic of being in harmony with yourself – how and why we use the internet like we do and what that means? Certainly to be alone with our thoughts is really a blessing.

It does seem to me for some people being alone is second nature but there are those (I admit to be one) that always need a little self insurance, confirmation, support from others that what we do, live like and even think is ok?

I don’t mean ok for ourselves but ok in that we need to bounce it off someone before we can decide if its ok? Hope that makes sense. I just wonder sometimes if interaction online is a good way for that purpose? Really not sure so asking?
TrueFact
I'm somewhat like you bluedoll, from time to another I need a push from someone to actually do something I've been putting my thumbs on for a while.

On Tickle I've taken a test which resulted to tell me that I'm afraid of the future and a little afraid to take the next step. Even though I like to be myself but looks like I need someone around me who I trust to keep me going to reach the goals I've been setting for myself.

I think it is what you meant, if not, that's my two cents Smile
andredesignz
having a relationship with your self is the best thing u can ever do.
When u learn now to have an relationship with self and love it u can have it with anyone and it will work, thats something i have tried and it worked
killerqueen
The problems appears when you start being scared of yourself.
Flarkis
I have a friend a lot like what you described of yourself. She feels the need to CONSTANTLY talk to people so she is always on the phone. Shes currently seeing a therapist as well, and I hope she comes out of it as well as you did Smile
Cheers
andredesignz
Flarkis wrote:
I have a friend a lot like what you described of yourself. She feels the need to CONSTANTLY talk to people so she is always on the phone. Shes currently seeing a therapist as well, and I hope she comes out of it as well as you did Smile
Cheers



I hope she does too Smile
tass_
@Bluedoll:

I'm not very sure if using an online forum is the best idea to get good views on your thoughts, but it can be fairly good, really. Mostly because of the forum troll phenomena, but coming from people you've learned to know through the internet by spending a lot of time in chatting with said person can make great bonds. I've met a very great friend of mine just like that. Started by stumbling into one another, talking for a bit over a year, and then me making a visit for a week. Today, we are as close as one can be without being a couple, pretty much. And such close friends, are surely great feedback that you can get online.

Not sure if I answered your question very well, but hope it gave something, anyway.. : )
watersoul
Ooh very deep topic, yes absolutely, we all have a relationship with ourselves, and hopefully we all love the person we see Smile
I personally like the mixture in life, I share a house with a friend, but sometimes we both lock ourselves away in our rooms for peace and quiet and to be with our own thoughts.
I love socialising, being with friends, sharing moments with girls etc, but equally I love to be at home or on the shore on my own just enjoying me time.
A healthy balance is the way forward for my life, but as far as my relationship with "me" ...I love me totally because it's me, and at least once a day when I pass a mirror, there's always a little smile to the person I see!!
TrueFact
I guess it is the right point watersoul, it is all about the right balance between the two sides; socializing and having your own space.
iyepes
WOW, this topic has grown too much and in a very good way since I left it here Smile I could say it's the most positive topic I've involved into.

I also think it's about balance, you are on your own, but, you need your friends and family, and it's good to know they are there for you and vice versa.

Someone mentioned about talking to oneself, I do it specially when I'm driving, because none can hear me and get a wrong opinion of my mental state, hi,hi

I usually talk to myself about the way I should do things, which I am actually not doing in the right way, it's my logical voice, against my impulsive behavior.

Which is your common subject in your me-myself conversations?
iyepes
WOW, this topic has grown too much and in a very good way since I left it here Smile I could say it's the most positive topic I've involved into.

I also think it's about balance, you are on your own, but, you need your friends and family, and it's good to know they are there for you and vice versa.

Someone mentioned about talking to oneself, I do it specially when I'm driving, because none can hear me and get a wrong opinion of my mental state, hi,hi

I usually talk to myself about the way I should do things, which I am actually not doing in the right way, it's my logical voice, against my impulsive behavior.

Which is your common subject in your me-myself conversations?
ssthanapati
I love spending time alone. watching tv or playing games... doing stuff... But I equally love spending time with my loved ones and friends.

As it was said earlier. Its all about balance. Smile
Greatking
Growing up as a kid, i spent most the time by myself because to did not like to many people around me. All I had around me were my family whom i did not really see. During this period i was either engulfed in my computer of reading a book. During these times i realized that i could do things for my self, have time to think about the future and other matters. In the mist of all this there was some sense of loneliness and a feeling of not belonging.

As I grew up i realize that a man cannot leave alone even God says that it is not good for man to be alone. Now that should tell us something. You feel you have everything but then you also feel you have nothing.

I think to have a personal relationship with onesself is to be able to have time for yourself away from all the caose and think, now thats the best you can find on the market. This way you appreciate life, yourself and others around you. You are able to come to terms with your achievment and forgive yourself for your mistakes and shortcomings.

If you can have a relationship with yourself you can live with anybody.
TrueFact
Well, by the time I was talking about having more time with myself, a friend of mine is wasting every possible minute I could spend alone. The idea is, he's new in the area and living near by and have no other friend, that close, but me and that's why he's always with me for the past 6 weeks, day and night.

I know the circumstances he has now, but I have the right to be alone, to do things I like, to go some where else than those he likes to go everyday. And he can't understand that...

What to do? or any ideas?
Noremac
You gotta share yourself. I love being alone when I get sick of people and love people when I get sick of being alone. Pretty simple. Besides, no-one knows me like I do.
iyepes
TrueFact, did you solve your issue with your friend?

I think it's about limits, which is my time, your time and our time. And yes, you are an adult, I help you but your social life is your responsibility, not mine.

Good luck!!
chasbeen
We always talk about relationships with others, but what about a relationship with ourselves?

Thats a very dodgy statement but on reading it again it suits me fine...

I remember a time in my life when I was everything but a good company to myself, and in fact I avoided being alone with myself, I was a disturbing company.

I have had a plutonic relationship with my other half for three years. This focuses the mind, I don't get lonely. I have learned to be good company for myself.

Years later (and a therapist in between), I finally learned how to be friend of mine. I spend time on my own and I can really enjoy it. I don't feel that desperately feelings of loneliness and abandonement I used to. I'm a good company to me now.

I have my own space at the house and I lock it when I go out. Not because I want to stop stuff going missing but because I know it's my area and no one else has been there or done stuff I don't know about.

I do some things to confort me, like taking a long bath with hot water, watching a good movie with good food, reading a good book.

I'm on my own this weekend and am really enjoying the space! Basically if my other half asks what i'm doing tomorrow, I sometimes answer "what ever I like" and she's not offended.

Which are those moments you spend with yourself? what do you do to improve your relationship with yourself?

I coached a ladies/girls junior soccer team which ended last year because they all went off to college.
Thats one.

Good topic...
lagoon
I like my own company - I'm not an arsehole to myself.
Terrasis-Cian
This is truly an interesting thread. I have to say i agree with your idea of having a self relationship, but i think it can be harder to achieve than thought... Im a young adult and sometimes would have friends over. Sometimes I find that when a group of friends leave, before i know it i am calling another one... There is a brief moment before that friend arrives, which I am alone, which i do not really like and try to pass the time fast.

Sometimes if im alone on a prime "Going Out" night like Saturday, i am alone. I have all the time i want but in the moment i dont want to make use of it, I end up just wasting it.

I worked in a restaurant for a couple of years. I was in chage of the small bar, where I would spend a lot of time on my own, maybe 2 hours with just a couple of greetings here and there. It is great to be with yourself, but dare i bring the question- does anyone talk to themselves?

I would mutter a few words to myself, plafully but bordering on... well im not quite sure what that is bordering on Razz.. I sometimes do it when i study and get a sum right.. You know, like you would see in a film when a guy talks to himself... of course that is purposfull digetic dailogue...

All in all i think its great to be comfortable with oneself.
deanhills
Terrasis-Cian wrote:
This is truly an interesting thread. I have to say i agree with your idea of having a self relationship, but i think it can be harder to achieve than thought... Im a young adult and sometimes would have friends over. Sometimes I find that when a group of friends leave, before i know it i am calling another one... There is a brief moment before that friend arrives, which I am alone, which i do not really like and try to pass the time fast.

Sometimes if im alone on a prime "Going Out" night like Saturday, i am alone. I have all the time i want but in the moment i dont want to make use of it, I end up just wasting it.

I worked in a restaurant for a couple of years. I was in chage of the small bar, where I would spend a lot of time on my own, maybe 2 hours with just a couple of greetings here and there. It is great to be with yourself, but dare i bring the question- does anyone talk to themselves?

I would mutter a few words to myself, plafully but bordering on... well im not quite sure what that is bordering on Razz.. I sometimes do it when i study and get a sum right.. You know, like you would see in a film when a guy talks to himself... of course that is purposfull digetic dailogue...

All in all i think its great to be comfortable with oneself.

I think we are much more "real" with ourselves when we are in company of others. I like to get away from people from time to time, but always find more meaning in myself when I am interacting with other people.
deanhills
anish424 wrote:
iyepes wrote:
We always talk about relationships with others, but what about a relationship with ourselves?

I remember a time in my life when I was everything but a good company to myself, and in fact I avoided being alone with myself, I was a disturbing company.

Years later (and a therapist in between), I finally learned how to be friend of mine. I spend time on my own and I can really enjoy it. I don't feel that desperately feelings of loneliness and abandonement I used to. I'm a good company to me now.

I do some things to confort me, like taking a long bath with hot water, watching a good movie with good food, reading a good book.

Which are those moments you spend with yourself? what do you do to improve your relationship with yourself?

I have to add something, I live on my own since 6 years ago. When someone ask me, who do you live with? I always answer, with me myself. Some people just laugh at it, others feel somehow offended, and say, ah, you live alone, and I said, NO, I live with me myself.
hi this is cool


You're supposed to "discuss" why it is cool Anish. Make a contribution to the discussion. What did you find was good in the posting that you quoted? Cool
iyepes
About chatting with oneself, I do it often, and I think is normal, many people do it.

When I have no company it's good to tell me things and yes, I discuss things, and I have differents points of view inside myself.

But sometimes, I just keep in silence and relax, it's better with no interruption, even of my own mind Razz
chasbeen
When I am thinking I make decisions but I am not thinking in words. If you are talking to yourself audibly then you are thinking at a very slow speed which is not very efficient.

I sometimes talk out loud when no ones there, maybe I think someone can hear. Laughing
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