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Toughest Obstacle You've Faced in a Relationship?





SheSellsSeashells
What is the toughest obstacle you've faced in a relationship, and how did you get past it?

When faced with an obstacle, it's helpful to believe that "things will get better." Normally, this is actually true (unlike the lies we tell ourselves to make us feel better). Things do tend to get easier with time.

But is it possible that things won't get better? Things will remain just as difficult for the next year... 10 years... 20 years. What then? How would you get through it if it was never going to get easier?


I'm not talking about a problem that is in any way self-inflicted or controllable. I'm not talking about a girl who gets beaten by her boyfriend or a couple that fights often. I'm talking about a major external obstacle... A tragedy that happens to them or to their family.


Do you have suggestions on how to get through the days without going crazy? To keep hope? To still enjoy what you do have? To not get angry thinking of what could've been?
ssthanapati
the parents of the girl were the biggest obstacle for me
TrueFact
The biggest thing was she was a christian and i'm a muslim. Things took its time but in the end she decided to convert to islam. I consider it a sacrifice to make this relation go on.

Things were going good at the time, but she passed away, but we had a good thing going between us. I will never forget her ever.

good luck for everyone with the obstacles they face in their relations...
ShadowmasterX
Lol the parents ARE SO SCARY MAN, haha

well i think religion goes on later on when you actually think about getting serious and married
Seiji
Getting over my girlfriend's past. Its sucks when your girl was with other guys before you and you can't do anything about because its the past. No matter how hard you try its impossible to not worry about it but at the same time, there isn't anything you can do because it is the past.
ainieas
Personallly for me my biggest problem has been trying to keep myself from straying when mantaining a distance relationship. A long distance relationship is hard as it is but when you have distractions popping in and out its bloody torture. I won't say I haven't been totally successful in my attempts not to wander bt I can say all times I've been honest with my gf. Also she has had the same problem and yet we keep insisting we belong together!
Socioed
I'm pretty surprised that so far the biggest obstacle in my relationship has been with her parents and sister, trying to tell them about our relationship but still haven't gotten to it. I'm very grateful that all our problems are extrinic and have nothing to do with what's between us. We love each other a great amount and work together to solve the problems outside of our relationship that might end up hurting it.
psycosquirrel
Seiji wrote:
Getting over my girlfriend's past. Its sucks when your guys where with other guys before you and you can't do anything about because its the past. No matter how hard you try its impossible to not worry about it but at the same time, there isn't anything you can do because it is the past.


I agree with Seiji. The past sucks.

I'm over her past, but she still isn't. After years, she still has emotional scars from past relationships - she thinks she has cankles, she is scared of her sexuality, and she won't let me play with certain areas of her body... It is all minor things in the big picture though. You have to communicate with your significant other to determine what is going on, to try to help each other heal.

Time does heal all though, things have gotten much better, and will keep getting better. You just have to be patient. If you really love the girl, it will get better or easier.
jenss
My biggest obstacle is his fear of divorce. He's so afraid of it that he fears even getting married. It's like we are married now but without the certificate. Anyone have any suggestions??
mejo1900
Quote:
My biggest obstacle is his fear of divorce. He's so afraid of it that he fears even getting married. It's like we are married now but without the certificate. Anyone have any suggestions??


This may be your tactic already, but my suggestion would be to convince him that divorce is okay if it happens. I know it seems the best way would be to convince him you guys wont get divorced...but you can never know for sure. I know this example is about something WAY less serious...but the strategy applies to all fears. When I was young I lived in L.A and we had bars on our windows and all that jazz...then when I was in 2nd grade I moved to a nice suburb that had no protection. I had a ton of trouble sleeping b/c I was worried a robber would come and hurt me or something. Now the chances of this happening were very low, but there was no way of convincing me of that...b/c you really can never say 100%. Instead I had to realize that if I got hurt by a robber I will still survive...it would suck, but life would go on. Show your boyfriend that, yea, a divorce may (even if there is a super, super slim chance) happen (heck, you guys can even pre-negotiate a divorce settlement if hes worried about that kind of stuff), but you would both come out okay...but a life without marrying means you are a tiny bit less happy and if you add up all the unhappiness you are better off getting married. I hope this helped a bit!
pmehta51
The obstacle I had is really different from all of you. I have read all of yours obstacles and I realize that mine was unique. Even after you read it, you may find it impossible to believe.
Actually I was arranged to marry a person. At first I was happy at I am going to marry him. Actually I liked him in starting. And it was my decision to marry him. In my home we are very traditional and I like that. But because of that I can’t change my decision, once I have something decided.
So this guy I was going to marry happened to be the person whose choices are totally different than me. We think totally apposite. Our decisions are different, our likes and dislikes are totally different. To leave with such a person is not easy at all. But I had to marry him and live whole life with this person.
So my biggest obstacle was Person him self with whom I was going to marry…..Story continues…..
pmehta51
So my biggest obstacle in relationship was to person it self. I mean he was nice; he really wanted to marry me. He was ready to adjust with me, didn’t have any bad habits. He was caring. There is nothing wrong about him. But we were totally apposite. We were so different. So finally I had to marry him and here comes how we both passed over the obstacles. Because we knew we have no choice but to live together. So we started to adjust each other. I changed littlie, he changed little. Because according to my religion once I am married to someone I have to live with this person lifetime, we can’t get separated even though we wish. So we had to compromise a lot. But both of us learn a lot from it. That to maintain any relationship you have to compromise. Instead to thinking about me, now I have to think about us. And right now we are living happily, staying together in bad situation and good situation. I always fill there is someone going to be beside me no matter how bad my situation is.
me410
!!!! RELATIVES ˇˇˇˇˇ Evil or Very Mad
Afaceinthematrix
system errored out when i was posting this message and it double posted but won't let me delete this message which is why i'm editing it and putting this...
Afaceinthematrix
I'm in a pretty crappy relationship problem right now. I really like my girlfriend but I don't know if I can continue on with the way things are going... I might just break up with her (which I really don't want to do).

Basically... my girl friend is an extremely hard worker. She works so hard and she takes on so many things into her life that she gets really stressed sometimes (usually around finals/midterms in school). Our midterms are coming up which naturally means a lot of studying for everyone... but she has taken this to the next level... because of how much she's taken on, she doesn't have time for anything else. She stopped calling me (she usually calls me everyday), she hasn't been answering my phone calls, she never wants to go out, she never wants to do anything, she stopped having sex with me... all she does is work and study... she doesn't even sleep anymore which means when I do see her (only at school during classes because she doesn't have the time to go out) she's too tired to even talk to me.

So basically... she's treating me like I don't exist. I hate how this happens everytime things come up that mean a little extra work... I was trying my hardest to fit time in to spend with her (we go to school the same amount but I work way more hours at my job than her) but she doesn't seem to fitting time in for me... So basically I told her that I wasn't going to talk to her or see her for two weeks and that I hope she does well on her exams... let's see how she is in a couple of weeks.
evilryu530
communication, it's hard to understand what women want. and to read theirminds. as a guy, you can never know what women want, unless you're mel gibson. that movie, haahhaha. anyways. thats what i have a hard time,
ssthanapati
Afaceinthematrix wrote:
I'm in a pretty crappy relationship problem right now. I really like my girlfriend but I don't know if I can continue on with the way things are going... I might just break up with her (which I really don't want to do).

Basically... my girl friend is an extremely hard worker. She works so hard and she takes on so many things into her life that she gets really stressed sometimes (usually around finals/midterms in school). Our midterms are coming up which naturally means a lot of studying for everyone... but she has taken this to the next level... because of how much she's taken on, she doesn't have time for anything else. She stopped calling me (she usually calls me everyday), she hasn't been answering my phone calls, she never wants to go out, she never wants to do anything, she stopped having sex with me... all she does is work and study... she doesn't even sleep anymore which means when I do see her (only at school during classes because she doesn't have the time to go out) she's too tired to even talk to me.

So basically... she's treating me like I don't exist. I hate how this happens everytime things come up that mean a little extra work... I was trying my hardest to fit time in to spend with her (we go to school the same amount but I work way more hours at my job than her) but she doesn't seem to fitting time in for me... So basically I told her that I wasn't going to talk to her or see her for two weeks and that I hope she does well on her exams... let's see how she is in a couple of weeks.


Y dont u people try studying together. Love is important but studies are important too. If she is serious with hers whats ur problem. Most probably she will be back to her same self when her exams are over. U need to be more understanding and u need to support her if she gets stressed out so easily. Not everyone works the same way.
me410
pmehta51 wrote:
So my biggest obstacle in relationship was to person it self. I mean he was nice; he really wanted to marry me. He was ready to adjust with me, didn’t have any bad habits. He was caring. There is nothing wrong about him. But we were totally apposite. We were so different. So finally I had to marry him and here comes how we both passed over the obstacles. Because we knew we have no choice but to live together. So we started to adjust each other. I changed littlie, he changed little. Because according to my religion once I am married to someone I have to live with this person lifetime, we can’t get separated even though we wish. So we had to compromise a lot. But both of us learn a lot from it. That to maintain any relationship you have to compromise. Instead to thinking about me, now I have to think about us. And right now we are living happily, staying together in bad situation and good situation. I always fill there is someone going to be beside me no matter how bad my situation is.


I read your situtation and I can only say, this happenend to me, after a terrible marriage and a sad divorce, my solution is: live together, one year, NO KIDS, if everithing is ok, go ahead, if not, the relationship will disolve by itself. No offense to your religion, but the lifetime sentence was valid when the normal human being life expentacy is for 29 years, but the religions regulations is outdated in a world where we live for 80 years; a lovely good wants our happiness, not only our sacrifice.
mejo1900
Quote:
communication, it's hard to understand what women want. and to read theirminds. as a guy, you can never know what women want, unless you're mel gibson. that movie, haahhaha. anyways. thats what i have a hard time,


As I always tell my boyfriend...the reason boys don't understand girls is because they don't understand themselves. We have nooo idea why we get so mad at something one time and not another...or why we started crying. We also know it is silly to expect you to read our minds...but we want you to anyway.
Parkour_Jarrod
Bah, the most challenging obstacle that My girlfriend and I face is HER cousins, she constantly has to look after them because her Aunt and Uncle work 96 hour weeks! (which may i add is not good for a 7 and 9 year old to grow up with) and because she has to constantly look after them we get super limited time together which is hard for both of us because we can never just be alone together and just, well, be together.....
Cove
So far the biggest thing I've faced is distance. I'm in college two hours away from my girlfriend and I don't have a car or anyway to get home so I don't usually get to see her.
raynjust
I have been with the same person 25 years and this question hits home! we have survived homeless and bankruptcy,infidelities,substance abuse,nevous breakdowns,major trauma. I feel the key is understanding what caused each event to happen and most of the time it has nothing to do about the feelings you have for each other, if the effort is put into trying to understand each event they can be understood and resolved and your able to move on, for the most part when 2 people get married it is usually thought out very carefully,the problem is human nature dictates taking the easy way out and bailing when major issues arise!
apple
Toughest obstacle I had to face was myself. Letting myself love and be loved was THE hardest thing I had to deal with in this relationship.
iyepes
He being married???? does it count????? ha, ha, ha, I'm kidding.

I thing my biggest obstacle was not having a clear idea of what I want, and accepting any kind of relationship whatever the cost. It ruined up all my relationships before.
Chinmoy
lying to her!
i felt so bad, i confessed the next day!
deanhills
SheSellsSeashells wrote:
Do you have suggestions on how to get through the days without going crazy? To keep hope? To still enjoy what you do have? To not get angry thinking of what could've been?


To look at life as a journey in which it is important not to loose time by focussing on regrets of the past, or fears of the future. We are all here in a temporary capacity and most important thing is just to keep on trucking. The worst thing is to stand still and get all tensed up with what should have been, or wishing things are different, or take yourself much more seriously than you should. Also to have expectations from others that they cannot meet. Better to change what you feel needs to be changed in yourself.
fostersmartin
Hi,
I have decided to apply for divorce. Considering the recession now, there are many factors that we need to look in now and I really do not want to get bankrupt. I am having a terrible family life and I hope someone would suggest me. Please do not ask me to speak with my wife. I have given up and I feel Divorce alone can save my life.
robertgoselin
Hi fostersmartin,

I feel sorry for you. Please understand that divorce can be a difficult, painful transition. Please do not lose hope as there is a way to move through this process without facing too many hassles and having to fight ugly court battles. I had the same experience and finally I handled this effectively. I would like you to see www.nobsdivorceguide.com and trust me you will be relived.
torboxz
ssthanapati wrote:
the parents of the girl were the biggest obstacle for me


Not just the parents, all the in-laws is a headache for me. I'm married for 3 years right now and so far, in-laws are the most complicated people to handle. The key for success is subtlety and patient. Bear it in mind, they are your spouse's family.

And in return, your spouse will do the same for you (it's a give and take or win-win situation). If she doesn't, you know she's not the one (kidding!).

Hi fostersmartin, I'm sorry for you too. I hope that you'll meet someone better.
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