My girlfriend and I broke up a couple of weeks ago. I love her to death, we were together for almost a year. Before we were together, I waited for her for 5 months, because she wasn't ready and had a lot of things going on in her life. We broke up because we were arguing and she couldn't take it. I had a lot of stress, which shouldn't be an excuse, but I believe that's why we were arguing because we never had before. I've been trying to get her back for a couple of weeks, but with no luck I decided to follow this quote, " If you love someone, set them free. If they come back to you, it was meant to be".
We haven't talked in a couple of days at my request, because I'm trying feel better so we can least talk and be friends if we have to. She doesn't want to try again and be with me because she says "She's scared that it would happen again and doesn't want to risk us not being friends." She says she truly loves me, and if she does I don't know why she wouldn't want to keep trying, so I don't know.
What do you guys think I should do? Any opinions on the matter would be greatly appreciated.
First off, you have to attempt to understand her point of view. You have to understand how the arguing may have changed her persepective of you. For whatever reason it was, its never healthy to have ongoing arguments in a relationship.
Situations should be discussed and handled in a mature manner in order to have a healthy relationship. Otherwise, that will cause the other person to become scarred and hurt (especially women). Now, when you fully understand her plight to the point where you can relate to her pain, then you can approach the situation differently. Then you can be more sensitive to her needs and cater to her in the appropriate matter.
So, dont look to change her, look to change yourself and see what you can do to harmonize the relationship, and express to her in great detail your outlook on the matter and the changes and adjustments you are willing to make and follow through with it. Guaranteed results.
Thanks, I appreciate your opinion and I think your 100% right. I realized that in other words on my own last night actually. Right now I'm just trying to be good to her an make her happy, because I think if you really love someone, what matters most is if there happy. I think I'd give up my own happiness for her. It hurts to just be friends, but I think even on that off chance we can be together someday or if she's just happy like this it's worth it.
Once again thank you for your time.
In my opinion, for someone to be in true love, something that is meant to last, you aren't supposed to try and think of ways to make it work. It should work on its own. The biggest problem in your relationship should be from an outside source, e.g. other people creating stress. Your relationship should stay pure and.... magical. Once it loses that essence, it becomes a drag and the stereotypical marriage where everyone is stuck in a rut. If any problems do come up between you guys, the most important thing is to communicate your problems. By setting them aside and ignoring them, they won't go away and they will hurt both of you. Taking a break from each other is the last thing you should be doing. I highly recommend you guys discuss the problem, whatever it was, and attempt to solve it. 95% of the time the problem is insignificant and just a misunderstanding. Relationships are about giving some and receiving some, and it feels best when you care more about your partner than he/she cares about him/herself. That is when you know you got something.
If you are still friends then I would suggest to sit down and talk about what went wrong, if she doesn't want to because she doesn't want to continue a relationship then make sure she understands it's only so you can try and set it behind you.
I ended it with my fiance a few weeks ago because I couldn't take it, I had changed a lot even if he didn't see it. He jut didn't want to let me go, in the end I decided to tell him what I thought. He decided to change to keep me, if he didn't then I didn't see any point in staying with him if he would stay the same way and expecting me to change for him.
If she really want to be with you maybe she will come back, but don't push her because that can drive her further away.