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Some Humorous Resume Guidelines

I work at an employment agency. I read hundreds of resumes a day. These are some guidelines for you jobseekers.

1.) Get a semi-professional sounding email address. With so many free email accounts out there, you have no excuse to submit a resume with “” or “” You’d be surprised at how many people have these types of email addresses on their resumes.

2.) SPELL CHECK! I read so many resumes that look like they were written by NEOVALEN. Know on is goin two higher u if ur resumay is tiped lik this.

3.) Put job titles on all your past jobs. It’s true that no one will actually read your resume, at least initially. In order to get through the first few rounds, your resume must be completely scannable, and that means JOB TITLES and a reader-friendly format.

4.) DO NOT start your cover letter off with "Dear Sir." What a perfect way to get your resume thrown in the trash by the woman who's reading it. You think a woman can't do this job ******???

5.) Keep it short and specific. Try to stick to one page. I just received a NINE PAGE resume about this guy's musical and DJ experience. He's applying for an administrative position. There aren't any turntables in this office, buddy. I don't care about your musical history. And I definitely don't have the time to read nine pages.

...and just use common sense. I am absolutely in awe of some of the things I've read on resumes. Sure, they give me a good chuckle in the middle of a long work day, but... wow.
Interesting points SheSellsSeashells. thanks! one thing I would like to know concerning your fourth point, so would it be ok if I write "Dear Sir/Madam"? Or is there a more nice way of greeting the HR if you don't know neither the sex nor the name of the HR manager? there's a topic on the forum on this issue.
what's the substitute for "Dear Sir" then?
lol my friend put his email on his resume which was: .......needless to say he didnt get the job
badai wrote:
what's the substitute for "Dear Sir" then?

Dear Sir/Madam. I think I would rather be addressed as Sir than Madam. But as mentioned in another thread you can easily leave both out and start the covering letter directly under the header line. I think it is up to the person who placed the advertisement to list whom the letters should be addressed to, and if there is no specific person, then there is no need to address it to anyone specifically, either female or male. I would in the address bloc start with Human Resources, then the company or organisation name and address followed by the "re: Application for ....... position". Followed by the content of the letter.
badai wrote:
what's the substitute for "Dear Sir" then?

You don't (well at least I don't) generally use "Dear" in any business paper. You can always use the "To Whom it May Concern:." That's generally better.
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