some of you may remember me from the "realistic request?" thread here in this same topic... well here i am again many months later with yet another tale of woe due to distance.
a beautiful dutch girl approached me in the restaurant i work at part time and asked me out. we did. it was beautiful and we quickly fell deeply in love. we lived together for the next two months, i met her family over skype, she talked to me about her life in amsterdam and got me to such a loving, comfortable position with her, but then she had to leave to go back to amsterdam to live (i live in south australia).
we agreed to stay together and that at the end of the year i would come visit her for three weeks and if we were still happily in love then we could talk about the future.
within two weeks of her being home the txt messages and emails stopped. i got sad and felt lonely. i told her i was upset and that i thought we would be a lot closer than that. then she broke up with me. she only wants to be friends because she cannot see a future for us.
man, i feel cheated and used. dont' know why i a posting this here because i have a lot of good friends who have offered me advice already and i certainly know how to deal with this from my last experience, but it is good to let it all out again!
i am still in love with her, i am telling myself to hate her so i can have my heart to myself again, but it is not working. i am still deeply in love with her, but she is not me.
damn
Sorry to hear about your situation 
LOng distance relationships are very hard...Me and my wife were long distance to begin with (for about 4 months or so) but nothing like your distance...She was in Melb and Me in Bendigo, we saw each at weekends and stuff, but i know your situation must have been much harder, but just remember, there are other fish in the sea thanks man, yeah i know there are other fish and i think i am just about ready to start fishing again!
Sorry to hear that... My girlfriend and I are long distance at the moment, and have been for almost a year now. It is very difficult, but should it end in heartbreak i would not have any regrets. I WOULD regret had i not attempted to make this work out. It is quite testing over the phone as all you can rely on is vocal communication, you cannot see their emotions etc.. For some, this is far to difficult, which it may have been for her. Another thing it may have been (from experience), is her friends may be telling her that you wont be faithful, or you wouldnt wait blah blah blah... The doubts mount up etc...
All i can suggest is you ask yourself, is this heartache worth it, should it work out? Cause if you didnt try then you would have never known...
thanks man, i admire you and your girl for going for it! i knew i would be fine and it certainly was worth it. it was her who decided it was not worthy. i was loyal and 100% committed, but she wasn't. ahh well, it just shows that she was not worthy of someone as rad as i am. her loss and someone elses gain.
man I feel with you, Im from Sweden and met a girl in Hawaii. We've been long distance for about 15 months now. And its been working pretty good considering the distance. She came to visit me and my family for christmas. But now I must say it is not looking to good. She kidna wants to break up, and i already booked a $1200-ticket to go there for the entire summer... She says I can still come and stay with her though,.... but I dont know how that will be...
champ, word of advice: if she "kinda wants to break up" don't go! pull the pin before she does and let her feel like crap for even questioning it. if you have been loyal and dedicated and she has met your family for christmas and it's been for 15 months, then she should realise you are gold. if she wants to end it, let it end and let her feel like crap. you sound like you were genuine - what do girls want thes days!
yea man I've been loyal and dedicated. I treated her like a princess and she even admits that herself... so i dont know whats going on but yea now she broke up. but she says i shouldnt feel weird about coming and staying with her and her family since i already booked my ticket and stuff... and thats what sucks, I payed $1200 already for my flight there, and also payed another thousand for a missions trip we're both going on... and I dont think I can cancel any of em...
I wonder too, what do girls want these days?
well man, that sounds really terrible. it is going to be hard for you at the moment and nothing anyone says will help in your particular situation, so just do what you feel is right in your heart.
people let you down. sometimes you can believe someone is something that they say they are, but then they change that part about themselves. when they change they are thinking of themselves and what is right for them. it is not wrong to act this way, however it does show that they are not thinking of two people (which is what you need to do when in a relationship) and probably they should not be in a relationship. it's sad and i am still hurting right now by my ex but there is nothing i can do.
life is a rollercoaster isn't it?!!
hey bjwok...
Here is a bit of advice for long distance relationships down the drain.
don't think you would want something from someone who has had as many relationships fail.
Try to think about it this way though.
I know it doesn't help right now, but here goes.
I know it hurts when you love someone and you aren't with them... you miss them, you'll try to tell yourself you don't miss them.
Just stay busy try not to dwell on it too much. Things are awful for you right now. i know you are sitting around the house and it's all you can think about at the moment. You are having moments where you just want to cry.
Think about this... If you are her are meant to be it will happen. If not you will find love elsewhere.
Things can get terrible before they get worse.
or if you want to hear it this way.
it's always darkest before dawn.
Good luck with everything and I'm sorry to hear that.
thanks bjwok for your comments, it helps. I know how you feel and I guess the way Im tryin to deal with it is to try stay busy, do stuff, hang out w friends and stuff, because if I dont keep myself busy, I just sit around and think of her and us and that we're not together, all of our plans that are never gonna happen etc. So my advice would be to stay busy, it helps to get my mind on other things than her. And just like you said, people are not always what they say or appear to be, it seems to be obvious for the both of us. And I guess it is better to discover now that they are the kinda person that thinks of themselves before the two of you/us, than later...
its not easy to have a long distance relationship anyway.. so, before u stepped into it again the next time, just remember the hardship uve been through before..
too true molif.
i am now more single than a slice of kraft cheese and i will be very careful who i date from here on in! (and where they are from or going is of massive importance!)
yea man, no more long distance relationship for me. and i too will think very carefully before i get into another relationship at all. not that it will help, i thought carefully before goin into the one i was just in too... didnt help :S
I had one long range relation too, however I was 15 then and she too. Now I am 18 in 4 months or so I will be 19 and I don't think she is atractive anymore because by the image in my mind she is still 15. We only saw each other at the beginning. Exchanged email adresses before I left and emailed each other often. However the mails were less and less frequent, and it died out by itself.
I had one long distance relation ship when I was 15 as well.. It was awesome until her best friend got jealous. Her friend started having her pull pranks on me. it tore my heart up but I forgave her each time. Then she broke up with me when we were at a church youth camp for a week in summer. it wasn't until 6 months later (when I was visiting my family for christmas. she lives down the block from 'em) I found out her best friend had an abusive boy friend at the time Her friend didn't like that I was treating my girl friend with respect.
That was the end of long distance relationships for me. The way our relationship ended overall (I wont explain...) had me afraid of having girl friends until about 6 months ago when a girl that serously liked me had to very patiantly coax me into embrassing the idea again.
relationships can hurt... esspecially during teen age years.
This is one of those things that no amount of advice is going to fix, you're just going to need the time for your feelings to die down, and to meet somebody new.
There's also no point in forcing yourself to "hate" her. I've found part of moving on is just allowing yourself to feel what it is you really feel... which then allows you to grieve like you need to (and as you shouldn't be ashamed to do, it's a normal human reaction). Also, don't walk on eggshells with meeting new girls - you've had a bad experience, but you need to take chances or you won't be able to move forward.
I think it's a good idea to express yourself to family/friends and on forums like these. Support = awesome.
I hope you do end up being friends, and that you bump into somebody else who'll push her out of your mind.
=> Jess
(PS: My boyfriend is in the Army Reserves. Atm I live in the SE suburbs of Melbourne, and he in the NE... so I wouldn't say we're long distance but we aren't exactly close. He's going full time sometime in the next year, and if he's posted interstate I'm shitscared that the same thing is going to happen to me).
long distance relationships seldom work
thank god mine did.
me and my wife were into a long distance relationship for 4 years before we got married
so luck also does play a part plus the emotional stability is also there
actually, blackheart i found the opposite of what you said worked for me!
i needed to hate her (bec - the one who went to london, not anne the most recent) to stop loving her. it was only until i felt extreme anger towards her was i able to fully grasp what she did to me and just how terrible a person she is. feeling that strongly against finally helped me to let her go. now i can safely say i couldn't give a rats about her or what she does. she had gold with me and for whatever her reasons she decided to throw that away. she can now live with it.
and the most recent (anne, who went home to amsterdam) did not hurt me anywhere near as much as bec because she was honest with me and didn't drag me through lies and deception. she broke my heart completely in two, but she explained herself clearly to me. i don't feel the same as her and i would never have come to the same decision as her, but then again we are all different. again, she made the decision for both of us and i have to live with it.
i am not in love with either of these girls anymore and i AM cautious of the next girl i meet. i have learnt this by being trampled on. you live, you learn.
| doppleganger wrote: |
long distance relationships seldom work
thank god mine did.
me and my wife were into a long distance relationship for 4 years before we got married
so luck also does play a part plus the emotional stability is also there |
Well, I only hope that my relationship becomes something of a doppleganger of yours then. There's just no certainty at the beginning of the journey.
| bjwok wrote: |
| actually, blackheart i found the opposite of what you said worked for me! |
I suppose everyone's different, just most of those I've seen compelling themselves to "hate" their ex were in fact only repressing their feelings, which then complicates their next relationships when those feelings bubble back up again. You can hate what someone's done - that emotional pang that comes with loss - without hating them as a person.
It's not like she changed her inherent character when she returned home, she was just in over her head, and in reality not as deeply in love with you as she'd thought. Didn't know how to let you down, or how to explain... so just dropped you flat. Weak, and selfish, but not neccessarily malicious. She may have been similarly forcing herself to dislike you as a means of forcing herself to end a relationship she logically thought was too inconveniant.
Hmm, I don't even know what I'm saying, this is more based on observing a friend of mine than you I spose.
Go with whatever works,
=> Jessok listen to my situation. i booked my ticket for about $1200 a few months before this summer, when its one month left until i leave, she breaks up. and here i am with a ticket i cannot rebook or get a refund on. it is also booked for 3 months, the entire summer, because she really wanted me here for her birtday, which is today. so here i am sitting, in hawaii. on her birthday... dude life sucks so bad.
champ, that really sucks. and your in hawaii right now? damn.
all i can suggest is get out there amongst other girls - even if you are not keen on anyone, just be around other girls. anything to take your mind off her. it will be hard champ, it will be hard, but as each day goes on it will get easier.
keep your chin up man, it is her loss. you were willing to change for her and when she realises this she will wish it never went the way it did.
Hey guys, life can always get better! I went with this girl for 3 years and when i had to move out for studies to a differrent place, she broke up with me. I know it is hard, and when we are into into it it feels like weve' gotta make it. But, once out of it, you see the world as it is. And the last thing she told me was 'get over it. I know there is no 4giveness for these kind of things but if you can please...'!
Three years and it ends without a reason! And i had to forgive her. Still sometimes I get mad at her, but i pray that wherever she is, whatever she does, all i want is that she is happy.
I dont want her back but i want her to realize what she did and how grave it was. I cannot curse her cuz, maybe somwhere in my heart, i still love her, but everytime i see her face, everytime i see her smile, i feel as if she stole away all my happiness..Its hard but i guess the best thing for me is to-as she said 'get over it.'
Me and my girlfriend are long distance. She lives on one side of Middletown, and I live on the other. And we don't have any usable transportation between us. WOE IS SCOTT AND STEPH!
| rightclickscott wrote: |
| Me and my girlfriend are long distance. She lives on one side of Middletown, and I live on the other. And we don't have any usable transportation between us. WOE IS SCOTT AND STEPH! |
I think we really do have similar relationship-style circumstances (if you didn't pick it I responded to your topic about the attivities surrounding your first couple days...).
Tim lives in the NE of Melbourne, me in the SE (although I can get there either by two buses, or a bus/longwalk and two trains... each option taking about an hour and a half).c'mon guys, that ain't a long distance relationship!! you can grab a couple of buses whenever you want and be with the one you love! pfffttt!
nah, but seriously i know it can still be difficult, even with the short distance.
| bjwok wrote: |
c'mon guys, that ain't a long distance relationship!! you can grab a couple of buses whenever you want and be with the one you love! pfffttt!
nah, but seriously i know it can still be difficult, even with the short distance. |
The distance wouldn't be such an issue if we were old enough to drive on our own. (Or well, he is, but doesn't have his P's yet). Or if I wasn't still in year 12. Or if I was old enough to be able to stay over where he is (damn parents doing their job...).
But I still know we aren't that long distance atm, it's more when he goes full time and may be posted interstate. My sense of real distance is informed by mates of our who live four hours drive apart and aren't any older than us. (Which isn't Europe, but is still travel... talk about commitment her mum driving her to his every weekend).
=> JessI am really sorry this happened to you. The pain must be unbelievable and I can relate.
Have you thought about it that she may have done this to someone else too? She may have been involved with someone else in the Netherlands at the time when she approached you?
I am sure your friends must have told you you deserve better, and of course that does not make you feel better, but it is obviously true. Time to let go and to move on. Pain does not go away of course, but life is subtle, the only way you get over things if you stay on the move. And so with doing lots of other things and moving on, one day you wake up and reallize you have not been thinking about this person for a while. That was a new level of sadness for me as of course with thinking about the person you kept the love connection alive, and by moving on, the connection dimmed. The final act of letting go of something that had been larger than life in your life.
| blackheart wrote: |
| rightclickscott wrote: | | Me and my girlfriend are long distance. She lives on one side of Middletown, and I live on the other. And we don't have any usable transportation between us. WOE IS SCOTT AND STEPH! |
I think we really do have similar relationship-style circumstances (if you didn't pick it I responded to your topic about the attivities surrounding your first couple days...).
Tim lives in the NE of Melbourne, me in the SE (although I can get there either by two buses, or a bus/longwalk and two trains... each option taking about an hour and a half). |
You're a moderator I've never met? Hi, I'm Scott. I'm a dick, but a funny dick. I have no idea who you are, and can only assume that you're new and I never got the chance to talk to you. Either way, if you haven't already, you'll probably be seeing a lot more of me.lets keep on topic champ. what was the point of your last point? you could have pm'd that info?
