FRIHOST FORUMS SEARCH FAQ TOS BLOGS COMPETITIONS
You are invited to Log in or Register a free Frihost Account!


Change for the better - for someone or because of someone?





ainieas
Well this is from something I was discussing with my friend. Would you rather change for the better for someone or because of someone?

Both almost have the same meanings but there are some differences in the meanings as i see it.

Actually what me and my friend were arguingabout was the Dashboard Confessional song Vindicated.

Quote:
Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye

And roped me in
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing
I am captivated

[Chorus]
I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

So clear
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intentions
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me so isolated, so motivated
I am certain now that

[Chorus]

So turn
Up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away [3x]
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away [4x]

[Chorus]

Slight hope
It dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption...



Ignore the song bit but give me your take on the for/because thing.
RiCtee
Changing for someone is > changing because of someone. Why? Because if you change for someone, you have to take that step, through your own will to change. While change because of someone means you might be forced to change. That's my opinion.
missdixy
I'd rather change because of someone, than for someone.
From my experience (and from what I've noticed in the people around me) changing for yourself usually works better than changing for someone.

People can have such a strong effect in your life, and then they'll cause your life to change. It's much better than meeting someone and wanting to change for them to please them.
karysky
I'd rather change for someone, than because of someone.

When you need to change because of someone, I usually think it's because of something negative, something you absolutely need to change.

Wheras changing for someone gives you purpose, but that purpose must be yours too, or else you won't succeed. For example, if you want to lose weight to please someone, who need to do it for you, first of all. Because the motivation you get from yourself is 100 times more satisfying than the satisfaction you get from pleasing the other.

On the other hand, I don't think we should change for/because of anyone. We have to remain who we truly are, and if you are not good enough for those people, well, it means that they're the ones not good enough for you.
tidruG
I agree with missdixy there. It makes much more sense to change for yourself, even if it was someone else who made you change. If you feel like you're changing for yourself, then you do it with more passion and more reason. For example, imagine having to quit cigarettes. If you had to quit them because your wife doesn't like them, you could always start again after she divorces you (assuming you both divorce). On the other hand, if you quit because your wife made you realize that smoking is really bad for your health, then you're not really likely to start again even if your wife leaves you... hopefully.
ThornsOfSorrow
I think it's better to change because of someone rather than for someone. While it's always nice to do things for other people, I can think of very few reasons to change oneself simply for someone else's benefit. While it would be great for an abusive individual to stop hurting his/her spouse or children for the benefit of those being abused, it's not so great for a person to force himself into giving up a hobby or changing his appearance simply because his significant other doesn't approve of the current state of things. So changing for someone can be quite different and thus more or less positive based on the situation.

Changing because of someone, on the other hand, is always good (at least from what I can think of). If a person changes because of someone else, then that person was somehow inspired. To me, inspiration is something the world needs more of, as this leads to a myriad of other positive feelings. Besides, it's always better to change for oneself than for anyone else. That may seem selfish, but no one should be feel like they're forced to change simply because someone else wants them to.
mattyj
Its Better to be PRO-active than RE-active ie: Change FOR someone not BECAUSE of someone.

If you are changing BECAUSE of someone, then you are being forced into a change that you might not want to do. If you change FOR someone, you are making a decision to better your situation for yourself

Just my 2c
tidruG
Quote:
If you are changing BECAUSE of someone, then you are being forced into a change that you might not want to do. If you change FOR someone, you are making a decision to better your situation for yourself
I think you said it the other way around.

If you change FOR someone, then it means you're changing only because that person wants you to change. There could be any reason why that person has asked you to change.

On the other hand, if you change because of someone, it's generally due to some kind of inspiration, as ThornsOfSorrow said. That inspiration can be positive or negative, but when you change, it's YOUR decision to do so, and the change itself is generally positive.
mattyj
tidruG wrote:
Quote:
If you are changing BECAUSE of someone, then you are being forced into a change that you might not want to do. If you change FOR someone, you are making a decision to better your situation for yourself
I think you said it the other way around.

If you change FOR someone, then it means you're changing only because that person wants you to change. There could be any reason why that person has asked you to change.

On the other hand, if you change because of someone, it's generally due to some kind of inspiration, as ThornsOfSorrow said. That inspiration can be positive or negative, but when you change, it's YOUR decision to do so, and the change itself is generally positive.


Hah oops, Yes i said what i meant backwards, but leave me alone it was late :p
standready
missdixy wrote:
I'd rather change because of someone, than for someone.
From my experience (and from what I've noticed in the people around me) changing for yourself usually works better than changing for someone.

People can have such a strong effect in your life, and then they'll cause your life to change. It's much better than meeting someone and wanting to change for them to please them.

Well expressed MissDixy! The last person that expected me to change for them is no longer in my life.
ainieas
How I see it is that when you say you're changing for someone you're going to hold on to them whatever it takes but when you say you're changing because of someone, you've changed thats accepted but I don't see any commitment there. But then thats how i see that whole thing.
saratdear
I'd rather much change BECAUSE of someone than FOR someone.

Firstly because, I am not that kind of a person who can do a lot of things for others. For me, changing because of someone is a commitment, and it is something..well, I wouldn't like to commit to. And if I can't continue that change, maybe it would hurt that person.

On the other hand, if I change because of someone, it may be because I like some of the qualities in that person, for example. And it is not forced.
goutha
Changing for better no matter what's the reason... for someone or because of someone, both are GOOD!
gh0stface
I don't know if people will actually ever change. One of my favorite quotes is from a flawed character named Greggory House. "People don't change. They may want to. They may need to."

We may try to change, but I don't think we can ever fully change. We just are better at minimizing and hiding the things that we are trying to change for another person or for the better.
tidruG
gh0stface wrote:
One of my favorite quotes is from a flawed character named Greggory House. "People don't change. They may want to. They may need to."
I'll have to disagree with House there, even though I enjoy a lot of his quotes.

People do change. I've seen it. Smile
ccube921
I think we all have conflicting views of whats happening when you change because and whats happening when you change for, now to me I think if you change for someone your bending to be what they want you to be and unless thats what you want or what is right then you shouldnt, I think change because of someone would be if I saw how someone rose above society and was a great person now I see what he did and now thats what I want to do so I change for the better I think its better then making yourself into what someone else wants, like BLEGH.
deanhills
Think it would feel better if it is because of someone. If the resulting change has been for the better, then it will have meant that that person had motivated and inspired me. It sometimes happens to me and it really has a good ambience around it. For example a good movie. I remember years ago with "The Scarlett and the Black" movie that was so very good. I came out of it completely motivated. And music as music always has someone behind it who touches you. Like magic.

In situations where I have been focussed on changing for someone else as in a love situation or wanting to impress someone, it has not lasted very long. Much better if someone touches me spontaneously and without thinking about it when it is the right moment as that is much more real. Than me wanting to change in order to impress or control or be patted on the head by someone I really admire. Somehow that does not always last very long and disillusionment is waiting just around the corner.
James_Hicks
Because of someone. I've changed enough for my wife over the years. I had to put my foot down a few days ago. She threaten to leave me and take my kids with her if I bought a pistol. And I heard that same threat with drinking alcohol and smoking. I did quit drinking but I still smoke. I've always smoked outside and wash my hands and change my shirt after each smoke so I said go ahead and leave. She finally decided that it wasn't a good reason to leave me. But I did need to quit drinking and I did it more because of my kids, not for her. That was years ago. So I figured if she left over a pistol, I'd have a damn good chance of joint custody because I'm an honourable citizen and father and she can't make it on her own. I won't change for her but I will change because of my kids.
Related topics
FTP Speed???
Gays - Do You Accept Them?
Quit Smoking
Cant edit my profile...
400 Frih for Phpbb skin (formaly 800 Reddish Blue Website)
Lot of Owned Pics
Form Input variable
Are (Radical) Muslims Stupid?
Cheap replacement video card?
being shy.
A broken man's long story... / advice.
A tune I knocked-up last night
How did you last with your partner?
HOLLY WEEK STARTS NEXT WEEK
Reply to topic    Frihost Forum Index -> General -> General Chat

FRIHOST HOME | FAQ | TOS | ABOUT US | CONTACT US | SITE MAP
© 2005-2011 Frihost, forums powered by phpBB.