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Afraid to say I Love You





ovidiuo
My story is this :

I was involved with a girl for 7 years and she dumped me (back in '9Cool for a turk guy.Since then i didn't have another relation (honestly didn't need one) until know when I met a girl which I like (a lot) and I think I am fowling in love with her.

She has a 10 years old boy from her last marriage and I like the boy to and I think he likes me to.

And I came where I started.

I am afraid to tell her I love her
Coen
Can you explain why you're afraid to tell her you love her? Is it because you fear she'll reject you or because you're afraid to start a relationship with her? Maybe there are other reasons. If you determine what your reason is and you truely love her then you can make some kind of plan on how to get rid of the fear that prevents you from telling her your true feelings.
BPrice
tell her

if you love her tell her just think about it this way.

you don't tell her and she feels exactly the same way and is afraid to tell you and you then never tell each other how you feel and your relationship ends because you cant say how you feel.

but if you tell her and she feels the same your relationship can move on and your love can blossom

even if she dosent feel the same way if you are good friends it should not change anything she should be able to understand and not let it effect your freindship.
PennyLane
I have the same problem, and it seemed that I feared to bind myself to someone for a long time. So I told this to my boyfriend, and he totally accepted it.
So, I just can say you have to tell her!!
ptfrances
I think everybody has problems to say "I Love you" because it's an expression full of symbolic

Wink
pudovkin
Just give a shot. You should.
kv
I know it is a lot difficult to do than give advice, but you will have to face it. You could take small steps at a time, like giving her a bunch of roses, take her to dinner etc. See her reaction and you will come to know if she has same kind of feelings towards you. It also helps build intimacy between you so that if you tell you love her, she will not be outrightly turning you away.

After a while, you would have automatically gathered enough courage to tell her that you love her.
ovidiuo
I did it. I have told her last night.

Unfortunately I've said it over the phone as I was going back to my house leaving from a friend and after a few drinks so I had the courage but I intend to tell her in a more romantic ocasion another time to.

I felt a little relief when I told her but somehow guilty I didn't tell her in a more romantic occasion.
kv
That is perfectly ok. You can tell it again. Just create a romantic occasion (a candle light dinner you cooked yourself at your place, perhaps), give her a nice present (may be a bunch of roses) and tell her.
Coen
What kv said. You don't have to tell her once and never tell her again. Next time you want to do it you can plan it better and make sure it's romantic. That'll probably work. So, how did she react if I may ask?
mike_phi
Great that you actually said it, mmmmm but the circumstances was nt so romantic for saying it the first time, I think you should give it another go, I would recover from the drunken "I love you" by meeting her face to face and actually bring up the last I love you and tell her you know the circumstances where not the perfect romantic image but you can look her n the eye and confirm it to her by saying it again and also make it clear that you did mean it last time you said it too, I admire that fact that you said it after a few drinks and a party it shows that you are a spontanious and etc etc but confirmation would be great


cheers
apple
so what did she say? what was her reaction? common details details!
Coen
Don't push him Surprised
It's personal and stuff. Although I'm sure everyone is interested it is personal.
supjapscrapper
Is it because you are afraid that she would eventually leave you again for some other guy you don't know? or are you afraid because you think she'll love her boy a lot more than you, and that's an indirect way of loving her ex with whom she had the baby? Or are you just afraid to tell your feelings and get in a relationship again after last time ended badly for you? Or are you not afraid of something in particular and you just experience the same sadness you experienced with your previous and only girl-fiend? Well let me tell you my opinion, you may give yourself and her time for the sake of thinking about yourselves and feelings, and analyzing your real feelings for her, but you will eventually have to tell her. Simply because you would never know if she has the same feelings. It may be that you represent something very important for her and she may also think she would want you by her side.
RubySlasher
Good for you. As other people have said, re-confirming your statement in a more romantic manner couldn't possibly hurt.
chiggersy2k
those are the 3 most beautiful words anyone will ever hear. Use them often. They're not scary!
ovidiuo
Supjapscrapper is right. I'm not sure if you're a man or a woman so I'm afraid I'd suppose you're a man. i have seen that you are a problem solver man and I apreciate you took the time to answer to my post as an expert.

I to am passionate about psychology and trying to understand other people reactions and behaviors but I can see that you are professional.


There are a lot of maybes in your post and all in the right place. I wasn't afraid of beeing rejected though, nor of her love for her son, I was affraid because itwas a long time ago I've said it and didn't remember how good it feels.

I didn't get the reaction I've hoped I would but I know inmy hear she does love me to as I can see it inher eyes

I think maybe she is still afraid to tell me se loves me because for her it is still an early break up.

Anyway...Guys... you are all wonderful. Thanks for your advices.
apple
Coen wrote:
Don't push him Surprised
It's personal and stuff. Although I'm sure everyone is interested it is personal.


Rolling Eyes
you know we all wanna know
Da Rossa
ovidiuo wrote:
My story is this :

I was involved with a girl for 7 years and she dumped me (back in '9Cool for a turk guy.Since then i didn't have another relation (honestly didn't need one) until know when I met a girl which I like (a lot) and I think I am fowling in love with her.

She has a 10 years old boy from her last marriage and I like the boy to and I think he likes me to.

And I came where I started.

I am afraid to tell her I love her


Follow your instincts. Do only if you really love her. Don't tell her in an ordinary situation, wait for the special one; for her it will be even more special. If you do love her, go for it. If she doesn't, that's a pitty. But I think it's better than staying in that state.
ovidiuo
Well, at that point she only said I'm nut (not in the dictionary way) and nothing else(at least not what I was hopping her to say).

Her son is at her ex and we were alone so we had a chance to talk.

Last night I had a conversation with her and she told me she doesn't want to disapoint me because she can not share the same feelings. She cares a lot for me but she is afraid. She said I am so nice to her and I shouldn't cause she feels she is selfish not doing the same with me. I told her that I don't necessarily expect the same from her and she doesn't have to feel guilty because of that. I was a little sad when she said it to me. I said in love people have to care for the other and accept good and bad from him and stuff and ....

I said we should enjoy at least the time we'll be together and that we don't need to think at ends and stuff. She may be worries for her son to , I don't now anymore.


Anyway she is so cute and I don't know what to do. It all happened to fast for her I think and she said to me that she is afraid of ends. Maybe I should fall back for a while and not be so caressing and she will miss these things or ...? I don't know







.
Da Rossa
Quote:
Last night I had a conversation with her and she told me she doesn't want to disapoint me because she can not share the same feelings. She cares a lot for me but she is afraid. She said I am so nice to her and I shouldn't cause she feels she is selfish not doing the same with me.

That's it brother... I'm sorry, but she's trying to say no in the nice way. She talks like she was blaming herself for being selfish and stuff but actually she is indeed afraid: to have a man on ther tail without having feelings for him.
That's hard, I know man. Get over it.
akshar
the first time u say it its great, then u get bored of it, then u get tired of saying it anf then u begin to hate it, so to keep it interesting dont say it ever..
Coen
Make sure it remains special. Don't tell it to someone every day or every week but only every now and then. The way you say it also influences how special it remains. The more regulary you say it the more easy it becomes boring. Preventing that is possible though.
Da Rossa
Coen wrote:
Make sure it remains special. Don't tell it to someone every day or every week but only every now and then. The way you say it also influences how special it remains. The more regulary you say it the more easy it becomes boring. Preventing that is possible though.


Listen to him. this is wise and important. Don't make it so common.
JustCarol
Do you really love her or is just passion or something like that?
Be sure and then tell her.... I agree that it has to be special, it has to be sincere. If you say "I love you" and later you find out that it's nothing like that it will hurt you and the girl.

But once you are sure.... don't be afraid, love is the most powerful thing and loving someone is a privilege Smile
ovidiuo
It is love. At least from my point of view.

I'm feeling so complete when I'm with her and I would never want to leave from her (not sure if i expressed it the right way I'm not an English native). It's like I want the time to stop and that moment to last forever. And this happens every time I'm with her and as I'm writing now I realise isn't just words I am saying but it is real.

You guys are right though that saying to often may be boring but is the way I feel and I express my self.

Anyway, I'll try to slow down with it, as you suggest and I hope some day I will get from her an "I love you to" when I'll say it again.

Thank you all for your advices and posts. I didn't think this post will have such an interest and I am glad I decided to post it in here rather then anywhere else.

Thank again and I'll keep you updated if something interesting will happen.
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