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How do you maintain your relationship?





Winson
7th year into our mariage, I feel our pasion to each other is growing thin (if not yet completely vanished). There're no major problems in our relationship, but the affection we used to have just isn't there anymore.

Could anyone who had successfully maintained a relationship for 5+ years give me advise as how to keep our mariage a happy one? As there'll be many more years ahead for us, I wonder if we can make it through to the end should we not do anything to improve our current situation.

Thanks in advanced for your comments.
redchic
do you guy have any children yet?
how often do you get couple time? sometimes this happens in a relationship because the couple gets so involved in work, kids etc and while you are working towards the same goal, you lose sight of each other. for me, i would plan a weekend you both can get away and BE with each other no outside disturbances. reconnect kwim?
supjapscrapper
I really am happy that you asked the question, cause I have been asking myself this for quite some time now. And I have no damn idea... I keep thinking that everytime one is being too nice to the girl, eventually the girl ends up dumping up on him...I even arrived to the temporary conclusion some time ago that either the guy or the girl has to be the bad person in the relationship. And as I was noticing the high level (percentage of more than 40 % in some countries) of divorce in our european societies, that even people that had it going well for long enough to eventualy decide to marry can't seem to be left out of the problem. All these promises and displays of love and affections all seem like the biggest hypocrisy to me...We have learned to use the word "love" for practically anything we can think of...and it fires sooo easily. Love has no value anymore, it has become an empty word. without love no relationship can succeed.
Winson
redchic wrote:
do you guy have any children yet?
how often do you get couple time? sometimes this happens in a relationship because the couple gets so involved in work, kids etc and while you are working towards the same goal, you lose sight of each other. for me, i would plan a weekend you both can get away and BE with each other no outside disturbances. reconnect kwim?


Yes we have a girl who's only three.
couple time? well we just spent a couple of weeks together alone, but we didn't do anything special. While he played with our desktop, I worked on my laptop. You see, the main thing is that we don't seem to have interest in romance anymore. It's not that we don't think couple time unimportant, just that it doesn't seem to work once we lost interest in one another. We still care about each other, just no more passion in our love, if we still have love. How odd.

supjapscrapper,
Just to let you know that I'm not alone. I know other couples are similar to us, living peacefully under same roof, struggling to believe there is still love in their mariage. I only wonder those real happy families, how do they maintain their affection in years after years. I really hope that we'll be holding our hands lovingly when we're old and ugly.
WhistleTurning
Having been married now for close on 40 years, I can tell you not all is plain sailing. You are correct in assuming that the red hot passion does not last-the biological reasoning behind this (or one theory anyway), is that once a female has caught her mate then energies one spent on capturing and initially keeping a mat wain (ie the passion goes). However if you keep respect for each other and do do things together(by makong time) then a relationship developes. For instance start having a romantic dinner at least once a fortnight, both getting dressed up, or a themed night. With young children (and tight budgets) you do not have to go out to dine-husband you do the cooking some of the time. More expensive is to have regular weekends away (and use the old and tried ideas of pretending you are meeting for the first time-idea of spicing up the night prtending illicit encounters). In other word let your imagination go, and as long as you work things out TOGETHER and do what you both feel comfortable doing then the world is your oyster.
My wife and I spend most of our evening on our own computers, surfing the web etc, in different rooms, but always make an effort to break of in the evening at 9pm and do something together even if it is just watching TV or DVD. Our interests are widely different but there is always a raft of common ground to be fopund with a little give and take.
apple
WhistleTurning....has said it all. You can surely take a page or two from that book.
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