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A Husband hurts today.





flyfamilyguy
Just two day's ago, I was a bundle of excitement. I was happy, and worrried both at the same time.
It was a good kind of worried though. Can't really explain it.
My 43 year old wife had just informed me that she was pregnant with our first child. What an awsome thing! I Love the idea of being a daddy.

Today, I sit here in the darkness of my room, three feet away from my sweetheart who is resting in bed. The both of us waiting for the misscarriage that is sure to come.

Just two day's ago, I was invincible. Last night, the floor was ripped out from under me, and all that strength and joy was torn from my heart. All of those vivid images of me holding my little baby,
seeing him look into my eyes, kissing his soft little cheeks, and snuggling him close so that he feels the love and safety of his daddy's presense have not gone away. They're still there, still vivid. But the excitement, and anticipation of it all becoming reality one day has gone..as fast as it came.

Today I mourn the death of my child. He will never know his daddy, never feel his love. But I know him. It hurts just like he was here.
Chris24
I am sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you. No one should have to go through such pain...
flyfamilyguy
Thank You Chris24.
It helped to write out my feelings. Come to terms...etc
At this point, I just want it to be over so that my wife does not hurt anymore.
Kaze_Mitoki
Why are you so sure there will be a miscarriage...?
flyfamilyguy
Kaze_Mitoki wrote:
Why are you so sure there will be a miscarriage...?

Well.,I guess I'm not so sure. It's just that my wife began cramping and bleeding. We went to a local clinic, they turned us away because of her symptoms. We then went to the emergency room, and they sent her home with orders to stay in bed, and a bunch of literature with the title, "Danger of Misscarriage".
I thought that once a woman's body trys to reject a pregnancy, it is a lost cause. I did not know that there is still a possibility that she can carry our child to term. Is there?
imera
That must be awful, just terrible to go through.

My mother has had many miscarriages, one before every child she had, and she has five children now.

It's particularly hard for someone that became pregnant for the first time.

I hope you two get through this, hope for the best.
Kaze_Mitoki
Well, there is a possibility you could carry to term. but bleeding means baby is loosing the cushon he/she needs...

I wish I were a doctor so I could give you more advice than to pray hard for your child. It's possible. the chances are less than half, but it's possible...
Bikerman
I am astonished by the lack of medical care reported here. I would have expected at least an ultrasound scan and blood test (to look at the beta hCG levels). Were these options not offered?
flyfamilyguy
Bikerman wrote:
I am astonished by the lack of medical care reported here. I would have expected at least an ultrasound scan and blood test (to look at the beta hCG levels). Were these options not offered?

They gave her an ultra sound, but never informed her of the results. No hcg test. We don't even know what that is.
This was an Emergency room visit. We had no insurance, so were naturally treated like pariaha's.
They did the bare minimum, and then sent us on our way. (kinda has the feel of a third-world country does'nt it?)
I have since added my wife to my insurance from my job, but that will kill us financially. I just really pray that somehow, she can get through this stage, and be able to have this baby. She believes that this is a sign that she is too old to have a baby. I do not share that belief. As far as I'm concerned, God set that standard with a thing called Menopause. And she is not there yet!
Bikerman
Well it sounds like the care you have had is terrible (to use an Americanism - it sucks). There are plenty of sources you can use to read-up on this, given that your medical care seems negligent to the point of criminality. Here's a couple of starting points;
http://hcd2.bupa.co.uk/fact_sheets/html/miscarriage.html
http://www.womens-health.co.uk/miscarriage/signs.html
flyfamilyguy
Bikerman wrote:
Well it sounds like the care you have had is terrible (to use an Americanism - it sucks). There are plenty of sources you can use to read-up on this, given that your medical care seems negligent to the point of criminality. Here's a couple of starting points;
http://hcd2.bupa.co.uk/fact_sheets/html/miscarriage.html
http://www.womens-health.co.uk/miscarriage/signs.html

Thank you Bikerman. According to the links that you provided, hope still remains. The odds are against us, but I can do nothing at this point but hope.
You all have been very kind. Please say a prayer for us before you go to bed.
redchic
i'm so sorry to hear you and your wife going through this worse yet the treatment at the hospital. i'll be keeping you in my prayers and thoughts. she still has a chance
flyfamilyguy
redchic wrote:
i'm so sorry to hear you and your wife going through this worse yet the treatment at the hospital. i'll be keeping you in my prayers and thoughts. she still has a chance

Thank You redchic.
But it has all been confirmed. We found an OBGYN today that actually has a soul. She was able to obtain the results from the ultra-sound that was done at the ER, and did the hcg test that bikerman refered to. There will be no baby this time. I say that because we will try again. I seem to have convinced my wife that, although she is getting up there in years, there still is a good chance that she can concieve. Miscarriage had nothing to do with her being 43 years old. She is healthy, she has never abused her body in any way, she looks like shes in her 20's!
I guess that because "men are from mars, and women are from venus", our feelings, and opinions differ. I must understand that my wife going through the stages of pregnancy, along with her opinions about her age, and the odds that go with it, carry a lot of unwanted stress that I cannot by nature relate to. I'm being selfish. All I can do is fantasize about being a father. I don't have to
experience the physical part of it, the pain that comes with miscarriage. To her, a miscarriage involves so much more suffering. To me it only means emotional pain., the loss of something I want.
So we will just place things in Gods hands.
redchic
so sorry to hear this and i understand you wanting to be a father. for now, just be there for her when she needs you to hold her or just cry. don't be afraid to talk to her about the baby you just lost. it'll show her you too think of the baby and grieve as well. in time the hurt will heal and you guys can try again. best of luck to you.
flyfamilyguy
redchic wrote:
so sorry to hear this and i understand you wanting to be a father. for now, just be there for her when she needs you to hold her or just cry. don't be afraid to talk to her about the baby you just lost. it'll show her you too think of the baby and grieve as well. in time the hurt will heal and you guys can try again. best of luck to you.

Thanks redchic.
After all the effort that I put into getting my wife to believe that she is not too old to have a baby, and that this had nothing to do with her age, I'm now realizing that I never again want to risk putting her through the suffering of another miscarriage. I mean..she might actually have to have surgery, (Think it's called DNC) in order to clean her body of all the remaining tissue, or whatever it is.
That worries me to say the least! Crying or Very sad
furtasacra
My heart goes out to you. As if a miscarriage isn't bad enough, your doctor sucks, for not explaining things to you and your lady.

D & C means dilation and curettage; dilation is opening the cervix (the doorway to the uterus) and curettage is, well, scraping gook out of the uterus. It's usually just an unpleasant outpatient procedure, not major cut-you-open surgery, and shouldn't be particularly painful or dangerous if performed by a competent gynecologist.

Been there, done that, didn't like it, but it wasn't unbearable. The post-op care was antibiotics and a check-up. Had a heavy period IMMEDIATELY afterwards, and tampons were a no-no until the doctor said it was safe to use them again.

Ask questions. If the doctor doesn't want to answer you, ask for another doctor.

Good luck.
flyfamilyguy
Well that makes me feel better. Thank you furtasacra.

BTW, Love your web site! We need more brutally honest people in this world.
furtasacra
Obviously, I am not a medical professional, I am just another victim. I'm glad you enjoy the crazed ravings on my blog, but really! The only reason I know what a D&C is is because I've had one. If your doctor won't tell you what the hell is going on, or even bother to explain the terminology for what your wife needs done, you don't need the internet, you need a doctor with more patience and humanity.
doppleganger
well sorry to hear about that
will pray to god to help you go through the trauma and to give you the strength to overcome this grief
flyfamilyguy
furtasacra wrote:
Obviously, I am not a medical professional, I am just another victim. I'm glad you enjoy the crazed ravings on my blog, but really! The only reason I know what a D&C is is because I've had one. If your doctor won't tell you what the hell is going on, or even bother to explain the terminology for what your wife needs done, you don't need the internet, you need a doctor with more patience and humanity.

Well, actually come to find out, my wife knows what a D&C is. She just confirmed this fact with a sarcastic, "I Know What It Is!", and a short run down of the actual procedure, of which I really was not up to hearing. After I managed to force myself out from the rock I crawled under, things don't seem as bleery as they were when I was under the impression that I was in control of this situation..,I was the one with all the knowledge. 'Humf'..apparently not!
My girl is gonna' be all right! Very Happy
Bikerman
Reminds me of the Billy Connolly sketch on being 'violated'.
Connolly returns from a medical examination, during which he has had his prostate gland checked by the doctor in the normal way (finger up the bum). He moans about this at length to his wife (Pamela Anderson) and finishes with the words 'I felt violated'.
Her response is 'HAH!'. (She then procedes to give him a short pithy lecture on what being 'violated' really means from a womans perspective - smear tests etc).
flyfamilyguy
Bikerman wrote:
Reminds me of the Billy Connolly sketch on being 'violated'.
Connolly returns from a medical examination, during which he has had his prostate gland checked by the doctor in the normal way (finger up the bum). He moans about this at length to his wife (Pamela Anderson) and finishes with the words 'I felt violated'.
Her response is 'HAH!'. (She then procedes to give him a short pithy lecture on what being 'violated' really means from a womans perspective - smear tests etc).

LMAO! Thank You bikerman!
This forum is turning into the makings of a great counseling session! Men understanding Women, and vice-versa Shocked
Really though, writing about this ordeal, and getting feedback from all of you guy's has been a great pain remedy. Thank You All!

HEY..,BTW, hows the pooches?
Bikerman
flyfamilyguy wrote:
HEY..,BTW, hows the pooches?
Fine thanks. Minnie (the Schipperke) won a 3rd in class and a 1st in Good Citizenship at the recent Crufts dog show. My wife now has a bunch of rosettes from Crufts ready for display when (as she puts it) 'I get my lazy ass in gear and bang a simple nail in the wall'. She has a way of saying these things in a single glance - a compression technology which, if it could be replicated, would mean that we could all have gigabit internet connections tomorrow.....
cavey
Sorry about your loss, and the bad treatment from the clinic!
Your wife is lucky to have you and your support. Good luck trying again. I know several woman (not healthy at all), that have become pregnant at your wifes age, and it went very well!
flyfamilyguy
cavey wrote:
Sorry about your loss, and the bad treatment from the clinic!
Your wife is lucky to have you and your support. Good luck trying again. I know several woman (not healthy at all), that have become pregnant at your wifes age, and it went very well!

Thanks cavey!
I just don't think that I want to risk going through all of this again. It really bothered me to see my wife in such pain. The more time that passes, the more I think that, although it would be great to have a baby, I am happy with our lives together. I would rather things be the way that they are than risk seeing her suffer like that again.
Srs2388
Hey flyfamilyguy, I am so sorry to hear about that... my prayers go out to you and your wife.
no one should ever have to go through something so horrific.
God will give you both the strength you need to get through this.. I know it.
furtasacra
flyfamilyguy wrote:
furtasacra wrote:
Obviously, I am not a medical professional, I am just another victim. I'm glad you enjoy the crazed ravings on my blog, but really! The only reason I know what a D&C is is because I've had one. If your doctor won't tell you what the hell is going on, or even bother to explain the terminology for what your wife needs done, you don't need the internet, you need a doctor with more patience and humanity.

Well, actually come to find out, my wife knows what a D&C is. She just confirmed this fact with a sarcastic, "I Know What It Is!"

I'm not surprised to hear that.

Quote:
and a short run down of the actual procedure, of which I really was not up to hearing.

Well, there's a reason I didn't go into detail in this forum. It's a bit nasty.

Quote:
After I managed to force myself out from the rock I crawled under, things don't seem as bleary as they were when I was under the impression that I was in control of this situation..,I was the one with all the knowledge. 'Humf'..apparently not! My girl is gonna' be all right! Very Happy


Yay!
kerryworkman
flyfamilyguy wrote:
Just two day's ago, I was a bundle of excitement. I was happy, and worrried both at the same time.
It was a good kind of worried though. Can't really explain it.
My 43 year old wife had just informed me that she was pregnant with our first child. What an awsome thing! I Love the idea of being a daddy.

Today, I sit here in the darkness of my room, three feet away from my sweetheart who is resting in bed. The both of us waiting for the misscarriage that is sure to come.

Just two day's ago, I was invincible. Last night, the floor was ripped out from under me, and all that strength and joy was torn from my heart. All of those vivid images of me holding my little baby,
seeing him look into my eyes, kissing his soft little cheeks, and snuggling him close so that he feels the love and safety of his daddy's presense have not gone away. They're still there, still vivid. But the excitement, and anticipation of it all becoming reality one day has gone..as fast as it came.

Today I mourn the death of my child. He will never know his daddy, never feel his love. But I know him. It hurts just like he was here.


Sorry to read about your loss.... and writing out your feelings was probably a good way for you to come to terms with this unhappy event. Just in passing, sometimes when women miscarry it is because there was something wrong with the fetus and does not mean that in the future you could not try again and have a perfectly normal pregnancy... I wish both you and your wife a swift healing process and that this brings you closer as a couple. I also wish you better luck in the future.
flyfamilyguy
kerryworkman wrote:

Sorry to read about your loss.... and writing out your feelings was probably a good way for you to come to terms with this unhappy event. Just in passing, sometimes when women miscarry it is because there was something wrong with the fetus and does not mean that in the future you could not try again and have a perfectly normal pregnancy... I wish both you and your wife a swift healing process and that this brings you closer as a couple. I also wish you better luck in the future.


Thanks my friend.
Things are fine now; we have settled back into normality.
RosenCruz
Its so bad news friend...You are older than me...so i ll talk to you like an elder brother or sth....I m sorry for your loss...you can not know what life brings...and i hope it will bring you happiness with your family...for the rest of your life.. Crying or Very sad
flyfamilyguy
RosenCruz wrote:
Its so bad news friend...You are older than me...so i ll talk to you like an elder brother or sth....I m sorry for your loss...you can not know what life brings...and i hope it will bring you happiness with your family...for the rest of your life.. Crying or Very sad

Thank You RosenCruz.
I am surprised that folks are still commenting on this thread as it has been some time now. We are doing fine; a little hanky-panky now and then; Wink no baby in the oven though, but thats fine. Life is good, and whatever happens, happens.
Thank You for your words!
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