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If you are IN LOVE & HAPPILY MARRIED would you cheat?





hope22
My thoughts...I feel if you are happily married and IN love that you would/could not cheat. For when one is truly IN love, that is the only person they want to be with. Of course you will find others attractive and fantasize, but to actually pursue someone else intimately would be close to impossible. What are your thoughts?

I have been in love, i have loved...but each time i fall out of love, i break it up. Otherwise, in one of the relationships you would be FAKING it.
Coen
I would only marry someone if I was in love with that person. Once you're in love with someone, and I mean really in love with someone, I don't think you'll have the desire to cheat. Marriage should only be done because of love, love would take away the reason to cheat for me.
TrueFact
If you are in love, why would you cheat in the first place? If you are REALLY in love, you don't have and mostly you don't want to.

Just my 2 cents
apple
Hi all, I notice a common thing here. Most people equate sex with love. When in reality love and sex hardly have nothing to do with each other. It is possible to have a fulfilling sex ife and not love the person, while it is also possible to completely love and be in love with someone and the sex is horrible.

For those who have found true love and have great sex. hold on to it and never let it go. You are special.
devotchka
No. Period.
There is absolutely no excuse for doing anything behind someone's back.

Nothing can ever be right about cheating.
talkingtree
by the way if u had a gf and was about to propose her, but then u realised b4 u met her, she had slept with some1 else who she had fallen love with b4, would u still continue to propose or would you hestitate?

similarly if u had a wife and u realised she had been sleeping around with other guys b4.. would u still think she's your chosen one?
Aredon
There are many outlaws and authorities that manage multiple lovers.
King Solomon for instance had a thousand wives.
I doubt his other wives' approved but he was open about it.
Cheating on the other hand is immature.
Now what if he was caught being with a new thousand first woman? Big deal, eh?
Once he is open about having a split heart, it's legit.
Outlaws manage in the same manner.

Checking others out while in a relationship is something we all do.
If one of them happens to steal your heart, one needs to decide whether or not to continue playing legit.
If you think both can manage with only a split heart, be open with both of them.
Otherwise one needs to learn what's off limits if they want to continue loving since cheating doesn't last.
mike_phi
I would certainly not cheat, I noticed a post saying love and sex have nothing to do with each other this may be true but the act of cheating has nothing to do with just the sex part, I think the main problem is living an fake life whereby you emulate a relationship of satisfaction with one person yet full fill yourself somewhere else, if you really have desires of sex elswhere and you are happily married and truely in love then I think you would discuss this issue with your partner as cheating is deffinatly not a solution or is it a positivly happy and in love persons way of geeting it elsewhere so as to "strengthen his/her " relationship

cheers
apple
talkingtree wrote:
by the way if u had a gf and was about to propose her, but then u realised b4 u met her, she had slept with some1 else who she had fallen love with b4, would u still continue to propose or would you hestitate?

similarly if u had a wife and u realised she had been sleeping around with other guys b4.. would u still think she's your chosen one?


hi...slept with someone else and sleeping around are different to my understanding. to say someone has slept around implies that the person has had multiple partners. I'm just bringing this up for clarity.

do you love this woman? you obviously have some strong feelings for her to want to ask her to marry you.

I think if she slept with someone before you does not mean she can't love you or be a good wife. Its hardly likely anyone is gonna find an 'untouched' woman to marry. (according to where you live)

if you love her and you have a good relationship then it is my opinion that who she slept with before you has nothing to do with the future.
apple
mike_phi wrote:
I would certainly not cheat, I noticed a post saying love and sex have nothing to do with each other this may be true but the act of cheating has nothing to do with just the sex part, I think the main problem is living an fake life whereby you emulate a relationship of satisfaction with one person yet full fill yourself somewhere else, if you really have desires of sex elswhere and you are happily married and truely in love then I think you would discuss this issue with your partner as cheating is deffinatly not a solution or is it a positivly happy and in love persons way of geeting it elsewhere so as to "strengthen his/her " relationship

cheers


I agree that if a person is not sexually satisfied in a marriage/relationship they should be able to talk to their partner. Yet I ask...what about those who cannot tell this to their partner. Truth is hardly anyone is able to handle hearing that they are not fulfilling their partners needs. While I see people who have been able to open up to their partner and share this and the partner worked with them in order to satisfy. I have also seen those who when they shared the info with their partner the partner shut off mentally and took offense. There are also those who would not even consider errm...props/toys for some men feel intimidated by them.

I think in this time that we live marriage is not valuable anymore, its not what it used to be. People get married cause thats what big people do. Thats the next step in life. I know many who have gotten married not for love, or sex, or money, or status but rather 'thats the next step'.

You attend school, get a job, get married, have kids....personally I find that cycle to be quite boring.

For the sake of conversation I know my posts must give the impression that I support cheating. I don't. I just always like to consider everyone and their individual personality/strengths/weaknesses/needs.
bikermwtp
If you are in love and happy why would there be a reason to cheat???
iyepes
Cheating is a consequence of bad marriage, not a cause. People happily married don't find ocassions to cheat, because they aren't looking for them.
missdixy
Probably not, because it would hurt the other person (and if I am in love and truly happily married then their happiness would mean everything to me.)

But it depends. I mean, if I am in love/happily married but my partner isn't satisfying me sexually at all then I can see how maybe I *might* cheat.

But I like to believe I wouldn't.
ovidiuo
Why would you ruin something beautiful if you find it?

I think one who could do that does't deserve love.
ainieas
ovidiuo wrote:
Why would you ruin something beautiful if you find it?

I think one who could do that does't deserve love.


Cause sometimes we are just not ourselves. At times we hurt and we want others to just as we do and the first and the easiest thing is to give ourselves up to someone else. Yeah we never think about later consequences in such situations.
And its not like someone who does it doesn't deserve love. Actions such as this are sometimes consequences of too much love (or too much hate, even though it might be momentary). I don't think there is anyone deserves not to be loved, no matter what they have done. What is a relationship if without forgivness.
hpphkl
Think this situation" if your girl / guy would go to out with friends and you two have just having some bad times. He or she would drink a lot and some attractive person would seduce him / her. This evening would end to stranger’s bed. And your partner would be honest enough to tell you this. Would it be end?" True love is uphills and downhills. Some times love doesn't seem to exist and sometime there is plenty of it. I think first love is only time when you actually love 100% with your heart. For me cheating isn't having sex or something. It's breaking up rules. I never make empty promises so I could not cheat.
apple
missdixy wrote:
Probably not, because it would hurt the other person (and if I am in love and truly happily married then their happiness would mean everything to me.)

But it depends. I mean, if I am in love/happily married but my partner isn't satisfying me sexually at all then I can see how maybe I *might* cheat.

But I like to believe I wouldn't.


I commend you on your honesty. Not many people would say that. Even tho this is the net and we don't know each other.

Good on ya! Smile
ddoonie
I beleive that i would never cheat, my girlfriend and I have spoken about this matter numerous times. Our general rule is, if you feel the need to cheat, end the relationship first, as it is not going in the direction we would like it (depleting love, lust, attraction, respect...)
Alaskacameradude
cheers[/quote]


I think in this time that we live marriage is not valuable anymore, its not what it used to be. People get married cause thats what big people do. Thats the next step in life. I know many who have gotten married not for love, or sex, or money, or status but rather 'thats the next step'.

You attend school, get a job, get married, have kids....personally I find that cycle to be quite boring.
[/quote]

I kind of agree with this part anyways. I know way too many people who get married as 'the next step'. It's almost like marriage is dating now. People don't hook up and break up, they marry and get divorced. They get married when they are of a certain age and are with someone....not even really thinking about if this is the person they want to spend the rest of their life with.....it's the person they are with right now, so might as well marry them. After all, if it doesn't work out they can always get divorced. I personally think that is what dating is for, to figure out WHO to marry, because marriage is supposed to be for life.
The-Ron-Man
The phrase "in love" is ambiguous to me; I'm going to use "strong affections." If I had strong affections toward a person, I, myself, wouldn't cheat on them. To some people, however, the factor of self-sabotage actually makes it more tempting.
blackheart
I don't believe marriage itself has any bearing on how likely someone is to cheat on their partner, as marriage is no guarrantor of love.

How-ever, yes, I firmly believe that if someone is truly in love with another human being, they wouldn't cheat. Because they already have (or are willing to work for) what they need.


devotchka wrote:
No. Period.
There is absolutely no excuse for doing anything behind someone's back.

Nothing can ever be right about cheating.



I believe cheating may be justified where the person has every intention of leaving their partner for the third party immeadiately. That is, the third party would have to be someone who meant a lot to you, and that you intend on breaking up with your partner regardless of what happens next.

I.e. where you leave the person you've liked, for a chance with someone you love.
ainieas
blackheart wrote:
I believe cheating may be justified where the person has every intention of leaving their partner for the third party immeadiately. That is, the third party would have to be someone who meant a lot to you, and that you intend on breaking up with your partner regardless of what happens next.


Hypothetically who are you cheating on in this case? If the third party is the one your going to be with aren't you cheating on them with your partner?
blackheart
ainieas wrote:
blackheart wrote:
I believe cheating may be justified where the person has every intention of leaving their partner for the third party immeadiately. That is, the third party would have to be someone who meant a lot to you, and that you intend on breaking up with your partner regardless of what happens next.


Hypothetically who are you cheating on in this case? If the third party is the one your going to be with aren't you cheating on them with your partner?


No, because you aren't with your partner, you're with the third party. Your partner just doesn't know that between the time of the "cheating" and of next speaking to you. It's just a matter of intending to tell the partner asap, and break up with the partner asap.
biljap
No. if you are really in love you won’t feel good even when you’re just thinking about cheating that person… I don’t understand that… If you feel that you want to be with somebody else why would you lie somebody who has real feelings for you?
Coen
blackheart wrote:
I don't believe marriage itself has any bearing on how likely someone is to cheat on their partner, as marriage is no guarrantor of love.

How-ever, yes, I firmly believe that if someone is truly in love with another human being, they wouldn't cheat. Because they already have (or are willing to work for) what they need.


devotchka wrote:
No. Period.
There is absolutely no excuse for doing anything behind someone's back.

Nothing can ever be right about cheating.



I believe cheating may be justified where the person has every intention of leaving their partner for the third party immeadiately. That is, the third party would have to be someone who meant a lot to you, and that you intend on breaking up with your partner regardless of what happens next.

I.e. where you leave the person you've liked, for a chance with someone you love.

Very true, although you wouldn't be in love with your partner if you're doing that. While I thought the entire question was if you'd cheat IF you were in love with your partner.
blackheart
Coen wrote:
Very true, although you wouldn't be in love with your partner if you're doing that. While I thought the entire question was if you'd cheat IF you were in love with your partner.


I was responding to:

devotchka wrote:
No. Period.
There is absolutely no excuse for doing anything behind someone's back.

Nothing can ever be right about cheating.


As I believe it isn't that black and white, and there are situations where there may be an excuse, and it may be right (or at least, not wrong).
ainieas
blackheart wrote:
ainieas wrote:
blackheart wrote:
I believe cheating may be justified where the person has every intention of leaving their partner for the third party immeadiately. That is, the third party would have to be someone who meant a lot to you, and that you intend on breaking up with your partner regardless of what happens next.


Hypothetically who are you cheating on in this case? If the third party is the one your going to be with aren't you cheating on them with your partner?


No, because you aren't with your partner, you're with the third party. Your partner just doesn't know that between the time of the "cheating" and of next speaking to you. It's just a matter of intending to tell the partner asap, and break up with the partner asap.


What if the asap takes some time? Where do you stand then?

Btw I still stand by my point that you can be really, really happy with someone and then go ahead and give yourself up for a fleeting moment with some else. Thats what makes us humans doesn't it, the flaws we can't deny.
oskuro
Whow knows, maybe i would cheat... but i cant assure it... Confused
Coen
People usually can't. None of us can actually. It's easy to say you won't when you're not having a relationship but at the moment you have one and something happens you'll be confused and who knows what'll happen and how you will react then.
supjapscrapper
hope22 wrote:
My thoughts...I feel if you are happily married and IN love that you would/could not cheat. For when one is truly IN love, that is the only person they want to be with. Of course you will find others attractive and fantasize, but to actually pursue someone else intimately would be close to impossible. What are your thoughts?

I have been in love, i have loved...but each time i fall out of love, i break it up. Otherwise, in one of the relationships you would be FAKING it.


this is my personal opinion...I have no understanding for people who say: I just can't fall in love, I keep on scheating on my wife....alll these are just ways of justifying the fact that people just do not know what love is, people just use this word and apply it to almost anything and anyone they wanna have an relationship or an affair with. and then come and say that they are not in love anymore. people yho are really in love DO NOT cheat. Losing the love you have for someone takes years and years and years, just becaus ethe struggle to fight and bing these feelings to life again just takes all this time. Scientists here in europe have shown that "love" in the sense of sex-based relationships (many people mix real feelings with sexual feelings) only lasts 3 years at the longest.

again, this is my opinion, and I have enough of all these friends of mine and people aI know who keep bothering me with why and how they are not in love, why they left thier girl-friend for another one and so on... can't take it anymore Very Happy
RubySlasher
The world would be a better place if love meant 'willingness to be completely loyal and compromising to the one of your affections.'
genchan
hope22 wrote:
My thoughts...I feel if you are happily married and IN love that you would/could not cheat. For when one is truly IN love, that is the only person they want to be with. Of course you will find others attractive and fantasize, but to actually pursue someone else intimately would be close to impossible. What are your thoughts?

I have been in love, i have loved...but each time i fall out of love, i break it up. Otherwise, in one of the relationships you would be FAKING it.


If a person is in love with someone, then I doubt he or she will cheat. Then again, what is "in love"? I mean the meaning of "in love" can be so different for different people. If you are in love, then obviously you can fall out of love as well. But how do we know that we are IN love and when we are not? Again, it goes back to the point that each person defines it differently and therefore gives different meaning to it.

And the whole idea about cheating is something that needs to be rethink. If one falls out of love, why does he/she has to cheat? Why not end the relationship before starting a new one? Certainly, relationships are way complicated especially for couples who have been together for many years to simply calls it quits and move on. So, most or some people just hang on to the existing relationship while pursuing another outside. The fact that they need or want to hang on rather than give up completely is intriguing and could well explain something way more complicated than the term "falling out of love".
ssthanapati
No ofcourse not. And if u r cheating u r not in love. Ever since i had met my girl I have never gave any other girl even a second look. Its not because of any compulsion, its just i dont feel like doing it.
asim
hi,

i would never cheat on my wife once i get married, and i would neither want her to cheat on me, cheating is due to lack of sex, i am master in making sex and will satisfy her and would love how she wants it, and also how would i like like to have, bcoz being shy and lack of communication during sex can be dangerous.. so speak shout out and have sex... make it wild.
ainieas
asim wrote:
hi,

i would never cheat on my wife once i get married, and i would neither want her to cheat on me, cheating is due to lack of sex, i am master in making sex and will satisfy her and would love how she wants it, and also how would i like like to have, bcoz being shy and lack of communication during sex can be dangerous.. so speak shout out and have sex... make it wild.


Well I got two points from your post-

1. You only cheat on your wife/husband, that is you've to be married in other words.

2. Cheating is all about sex, no emotions involved.

No offence but I see that as very immature reason, don't you think cheating can also evolve from emotional detachment - sex is but the smallest fragment of it.
flyfamilyguy
hope22 wrote:
My thoughts...I feel if you are happily married and IN love that you would/could not cheat. For when one is truly IN love, that is the only person they want to be with. Of course you will find others attractive and fantasize, but to actually pursue someone else intimately would be close to impossible. What are your thoughts?

I have been in love, i have loved...but each time i fall out of love, i break it up. Otherwise, in one of the relationships you would be FAKING it.

I'm sorry, but WHAT A RIDICULOUS QUESTION! How could you possibly "Cheat" when you are "IN LOVE & HAPPILY MARRIED"? IMHO, one would have to be a freak of nature in order to accomplish the cheat factor while in love and happily married. The world would really suck with someone who could manage that!
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