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need help with discussion topics with a shy girl.





Guelila
Hello.
There is this one girl im beginning to feel atracted to, and I have known her since like 2 years ago, but have never had any meaningful discussions with her before.
We are both in high school and she is a freshmen.
We went out to the movies with other friends a few times before, but back then i just saw her as a regular girl.

she used to like me around 2 years ago near the time when we first met, and she told me her feelings and all, but I told her that I liked someone else.
After that, we kinda just didnt talk to each other much.
However, Im beginning to feel something for her, and I want to get to know her better.
One problem though, is that she is a pretty shy girl, and Im a pretty shy guy. Smile
Everytime we meet, i just say the basic greetings, and thats pretty much it.

I tried to think up some discussion topics so that we can have some meaningful chats, but I have no idea what to talk about. Shocked
Any tips on what to talk about with a shy girl that I dont really know well?
thanks everyone Very Happy
brokenadvice
Comment her on something she is wearing. It will tell her that you are interested and you are paying attention. It works for new shoes, new haircut, or just something cute she is wearing.
ashok
Read "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus". You'll find a good deal about what women will be interested in, and what topics will make an interesting discussion for them...
Coen
As said above, just compliment her on something and see where the conversation leads too. Another option would be to ask her something about school, the weather or whatever thing you can think of and simply see if a conversation develops from that. Make sure you just talk to her and look at her whilst talking. By looking I mean trying to look in her eyes every now and then.
Jakob [JaWGames]
Aah, I recognise this problem...
I believe that the best thing to talk about is if you have any interests in common, especially if you have been on the same event of some kind. Music perhaps?

School always work but it tends to be a boring subject in the long run. But it works if all clever subject-ideas are gone.
molif
shy guy + shy girl = wasting time..


seriously, u cannot be shy, waiting for something from the sky to drop on u..
u got to stand up and take action.. shy is not a good thing to be depending on when comes to love..
Jakob [JaWGames]
molif wrote:
shy guy + shy girl = wasting time..


seriously, u cannot be shy, waiting for something from the sky to drop on u..
u got to stand up and take action.. shy is not a good thing to be depending on when comes to love..


I must say that I can't agree with you on that one. Love is for me not about if you are shy or not but how much you actually like the other person for who he/she is. Even if I agree on that it's easier with non-shy relationships.

You could also put it like this: How will someone ever come over the shyness if not through developing the Art of Speak?
Kaze_Mitoki
I agree on -most- of what was said earlier.

Compliment her on something she is wearing, shoes, hair, anything. Or, if you like her eyes and always have, say something! "I like your eyes, they're beautiful" is what told me that my current boyfriend was noticing me, and we took it from there. Most women are detail-oriented, so pick a detail.

Do you have any classes together? If so, ask about homework, the teacher, whatever. It does dry out pretty quickly though, so don't use this one often.

Ask her if there's any bands/music/tvshows/picksomething that she likes and/or would recommend. Not only does this tell her that you're interested in her on some level, but it gives you a basic insight into her prefferences. If she suggests a comedy, she more than likely values humor, etc etc.

Granted, i'm not a relationship expert. but those are some things I have observed people doing (and have tried myself) that worked.
Guelila
Coen wrote:
As said above, just compliment her on something and see where the conversation leads too. Another option would be to ask her something about school, the weather or whatever thing you can think of and simply see if a conversation develops from that. Make sure you just talk to her and look at her whilst talking. By looking I mean trying to look in her eyes every now and then.


Hmmm
yea, but thats about the only thing I say to her, compliments Smile
Heres how it goes.

First I see her at school,
then the usual, "Hey, hows it going", "Good, you?" blah blah
Then I normally say things like "Nice shirt. It looks good"

"how was your day?"... "good. yours?"

I try to get into a conversation, but being a shy girl, she mostly replies with short sentences and then kinda kills off the conversation, until I say somethng again. Smile

Shes not shy at all when shes with other girls by the way..
And Im not shy at all when im with my other friends, but it seems that she makes me shy on the inside when I see her. Confused

thanks for all ur suggestions, and I hope to hear more!
tabifu
I don't know about quick encounters such as walking past her in the hall, but if you have a longer period to chat, like ten minutes while waiting for the bus, you can try to get deeper into her head. I'm a pretty shy person--conversation does not come naturally to me. When I sit down to dinner with someone, I try to think of it as my one chance to learn about this person's life and how it's different from mine. Ask her an opinion about something, such as "What do you think of this school? Are you glad you came here instead of a different one?" Hopefully her answers will pop new questions into your head. Grab at every new bit of information you learn about her and try to take an even closer look.

Also, compliments are nice, but show you really mean them by posing them as questions. "I like that shirt, where did you find it?" "Your skin is so clear, what do you use?" Maybe other boys would laugh if they hear you inquiring about what facial cleansers she uses, but I'll tell you as a girl, I always appreciate the interest. ^_^

Hope this helps!
Coen
tabifu said some very true things. I think you should give what she said a try, it'll probably work.
watersoul
Ask stuff and listen to her answers while looking her in the eyes, and appearing interested!

If you say something like " I'm into whatever blah blah blah" or "this happened to me today blah blah blah" follow up with something like " so what do you think about this thing?" or "have you ever had anything like that happen?" the conversation will flow if you help it like that.
Oooh, good tip with girls, when your saying things like above, be open with how you felt/feel about it and ask their feelings about similar stuff - but again so important, be and appear interested, you should be if you like her though!

It's worked well for me in my life, but lucky me with a twin sister to offer advice Very Happy
escritor
Guelila wrote:

I try to get into a conversation, but being a shy girl, she mostly replies with short sentences and then kinda kills off the conversation, until I say somethng again.

You call it shyness, I call it wisdom. We better keep silent than say silly things. Ok, I know it did not help you... Sorry.
redace
What about nature, weather, theatre, books, films, school, about her beauty, about your feelings. It can be easy.
imera
Maybe, and this is a random thought, she thinks that you only talk to her as a friend which she answers back as a friend. You said she told you she liked you before, and you liked someone else, then she probably bottled up her feelings and don’t really notice that you try to flirt with her or start a conversation. Not sure if she is like this but I would surely be like this if I took the courage to tell a boy I liked him and he didn’t like me back, especially if we staid friends afterwards.

And if you have problems talking to her then the next time you go out to see a movie, or a school play or whatever you might do then talk to her about that afterwards, what was your favourite part, just keep the conversation going in one way, and maybe she will loosen up.
Another thing you can talk to her about both your histories, childhood, funny stories and other things like that.

The best is top just try end get her to be a better friend at first, that way you both can open up easier.

That is pretty much the best advice I can give right now, especially since you both are so shy
escritor
redace wrote:
What about nature, weather, theatre, books, films, school, about her beauty, about your feelings. It can be easy.

Guelila, take a look at How to Not Always Talk About the Same Things and How to Start a Conversation When You Have Nothing to Talk About, too.
Drawingguy
I hate that whole thing, where one person is unresponsive in a conversation, or responds with short, one-worded sentences, quickly leading to the dreaded awkward silence. Something that I find really helpful is to talk with someone, when talking is not the goal of the excursion.

For example, say you saw a girl sitting in a diner or something by herself, and you wanted to go up to her and talk to her. Now, the conversation could go well, or, she might not be a talkative person, leading to the aforementioned unwanted situation. That's because you went up to someone with the idea of only talking, so if the talking-plan got shut down, you were left with nothing else. I remember when I was once waiting in an art museum for a friend, after we had both looked at separate exhibits. While I was sitting down, waiting, a reasonably attractive girl came by, and also sat waiting. So, I decided to ask her whether she had enjoyed the museum. Unfortunately, she and I had gone to different sections, with she visiting the greco-roman sculpture area, and I observing the paintings and whatnot. Thus, despite my attempts to create and prolong any sort of chat, whether it be by asking her if she had enjoyed it, or what her favorite part of the museum was, eventually, I sort of ran out of relevant things to say.

Now, that's workable, if you're trying to simply pick up girls at a bar, but your case isn't a bar scene. You actually want to talk with this girl.

So I find that with cases such as these, a good thing to do is to talk with her, when talking is merely a side activity for some other sort of primary activity. You mentioned that you both went to the same school, so perhaps if you were in any of the same classes or after-school clubs/groups, you could work in some conversations. In my opinion, art classes and clubs are great in that sense, because you can work on a piece, and talk intermittently, often, or not at all, and the pauses and silences won't be regarded as awkward, since you'll be actively engaged elsewhere.
furtasacra
tabifu wrote:
I don't know about quick encounters such as walking past her in the hall, but if you have a longer period to chat, like ten minutes while waiting for the bus, you can try to get deeper into her head. I'm a pretty shy person--conversation does not come naturally to me. When I sit down to dinner with someone, I try to think of it as my one chance to learn about this person's life and how it's different from mine. Ask her an opinion about something, such as "What do you think of this school? Are you glad you came here instead of a different one?" Hopefully her answers will pop new questions into your head. Grab at every new bit of information you learn about her and try to take an even closer look.

Also, compliments are nice, but show you really mean them by posing them as questions. "I like that shirt, where did you find it?" "Your skin is so clear, what do you use?" Maybe other boys would laugh if they hear you inquiring about what facial cleansers she uses, but I'll tell you as a girl, I always appreciate the interest. ^_^

Hope this helps!


Whoa, Nelly! If a guy starts asking me about skin care products, he's gay. Ixnay on the incareskay.
escritor
tabifu wrote:
Also, compliments are nice, but show you really mean them by posing them as questions. "I like that shirt, where did you find it?" "Your skin is so clear, what do you use?" Maybe other boys would laugh if they hear you inquiring about what facial cleansers she uses, but I'll tell you as a girl, I always appreciate the interest. ^_^

That sounds interesting. When I talk to a pretty girl, I'll ask what product she uses on her skin. Confused

furtasacra wrote:
Whoa, Nelly! If a guy starts asking me about skin care products, he's gay.

Oh, yes. That's not a normal thing. Sorry, tabifu. d'oh!

By the way, if Guelila does that, the girl will notice that he is obviously trying to keep the dialogue longer and does not have any other topic to talk about.
supjapscrapper
oh come ooon....if she's shy and you are shy then nothing sis ever gonna happen...come on, the girl already told you she likes you..ok, that was 2 years ago but come on, be serious for a minute and think about it. If you do nothing, it is never gonna come from her, no way. For her, you don't like her as much as other girls and you even told her that. She'll never see the difference between you being polite to her and you liking her. so one thing is clear. Invite her on a date alone, or take her away from the group if you go out with friends and tell her what you thjink of her. Honesty is the best way and she's not gonna be afraid cause she already knows you Very Happy
Coen
You might be right. However, it is always wise to at least try and let the girl know you like her more then other girls before asking her for a date. Even if she doesn't notice, at least you tried.
escritor
Coen wrote:
Even if she doesn't notice, at least you tried.

Good point. If you don't even try, you will regret it for a long time.
bonestorm74
Geez it can't be that hard to find something to talk about, can it? Got any funny anecdotes? You could save up a couple of those and just slip one in. Or talk about travel, or what you want to do with your life... c'mon, sky is the limit. Get creative and I'm sure you could find plenty of things to talk about. Wink
furtasacra
escritor wrote:
tabifu wrote:
Also, compliments are nice, but show you really mean them by posing them as questions. "I like that shirt, where did you find it?" "Your skin is so clear, what do you use?" Maybe other boys would laugh if they hear you inquiring about what facial cleansers she uses, but I'll tell you as a girl, I always appreciate the interest. ^_^

That sounds interesting. When I talk to a pretty girl, I'll ask what product she uses on her skin. Confused

furtasacra wrote:
Whoa, Nelly! If a guy starts asking me about skin care products, he's gay.

Oh, yes. That's not a normal thing. Sorry, tabifu. d'oh!

By the way, if Guelila does that, the girl will notice that he is obviously trying to keep the dialogue longer and does not have any other topic to talk about.


HOWEVER; telling a girl she has beautiful skin will make her feel really good (if it's true). Just don't ask how she got it that way. Pretty ladies always have secrets.
kshnbd
You can talk about the subjects on which you have interest, so u will be able to talk more. discuss with simple matters first like, the movie you last saw, your family matters, any interesting events etc.
MadeinIndia
"Hire" another girl and make this girl jealous. They should understand that its a two-way street too...Boys should not always get the tough jobs!

We have all the rough work...first woo them, then humour then, then buy them gifts, then plead with them to get into the bed....tsk tsk...
RubySlasher
Maybe she's an otaku. Buy her some anime.




.
escritor
Maybe she's a geek. Wait 9 days and give her a CD with the lastest Ubuntu distro (8.04).
Bluedoll
Topics are really easy when you think about it but it must come natural. You can talk about her or you or topics you both like. You find that out as you go along though. What interests you? What interests her? To get started keep it basic. A simple question, ask for her opinion, help, advice, or what she thinks of something is good. Also a comment works too. Keep practicing on her and others for the rest of your life. By the time we hit ninety years old we will be a perfect at it.



Very Happy


Don't worry about it! Shy is good. Smile too.
asim
molif wrote:
shy guy + shy girl = wasting time..


seriously, u cannot be shy, waiting for something from the sky to drop on u..
u got to stand up and take action.. shy is not a good thing to be depending on when comes to love..


Applause.....

gr8, i guess this could act as a booster of confidence.

well buddy girls expect boys to make the first move...... so just move on... Smile
sonicj
This seems like a bigger problem than it is. It seems that way because you are shy. The fact of the matter is that once you get the conversation moving, you will never again feel shy with her. Find a subject that you know her to have an interest in and ask her something about it or just start talking about it. If she likes you as well, she will open up like a flowers petals, and you will be laughing and joking before you know it.
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