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Advice for mutant, alien, serial killers!!





IceCreamTruck
Yes, that's right!!! this is the spin off from "Horror movie rules" which is a guide on how to survive being a horror movie victim.

Things like:
Don't look under the bed
Just run and keep running
Don't go back upstairs
Don't sneek off to makeout

Well, this topic is the opposite of the former topic in that it is going to be advice that every mutant, alien, serial killer needs in order to make sure that there will be a sequel to the current horror movie.
...or quite simply advice so that they can kill more effectively and live to kill again.

Once again I want it to be a mix of dos and don'ts so here is the format:
Don't talk, just kill
Do grab ankles of people crawling away from you

Don't tie them up they always escape
Do finish your speech in the middle, and then shoot with no warning

Don't drive old rusty trucks cause people will know or see you coming
Do smile

Don't break the pattern
Do get your name on my list if you do

See it's actually quite fun and now you can actually give some real advice to serial killers in need. Ever thought that everyone should have died but the horror movie killer was too stupid to finish the job? Well, now you can tell it how it should have been.

Remember there are kids present, and this is for entertainment purposes only. You should always respect your fellow man, and only talk about killing and death when it's funny. ;-p
IceCreamTruck
Don't just carry weapons that run out of ammo. One of each is good.
Do wear a bullet proof vest every night you're out making horror movies.

Don't live in the woods by yourself
Do be social, and don't kill the first person to come along

Don't go after woodsy people in the woods
Do go after them when they are at walmart

Don't kill the pretty girls. This is a terrible habbit all serial, mutant, alien killers need to stop!!
Do kill the ugly girls. See, you just got it backwards...

Don't leave calling cards with your home phone on them (funny on so many levels)
Do bring gasoline and matches

Don't leave your first victim lying in the middle of the hall. sure there will be blood around still, but blood is normal in most accidents... the body in the middle of the hall is a DEAD give away and leads to everyone trying to be a hero.
Do pull the body into the hall closet and repeat this process for the next one.

Don't wear boots. Sure they're great for hiking off into the woods to burry a body, but they make you slow and they are a slip hazzard when there is blood present.
Do wear running shoes when doing what alien bug mutants do!!! ;-p
eggg
IceCreamTruck wrote:
Do grab ankles of people crawling away from you


That was always my favorite part of Pet Sematary... not so much of a "grab" though. Sorry, I got nothin!
IceCreamTruck
eggg wrote:
IceCreamTruck wrote:
Do grab ankles of people crawling away from you


That was always my favorite part of Pet Sematary... not so much of a "grab" though. Sorry, I got nothin!


That part made everyone sick!!! If you talk about Pet Sematary then everyone brings up that sceen as being one of the scariest moves in movie history.

Props on mentioning a "good" scary movie. Which there aren't many. I liked the book better. I remember being a kid with a flashlight under my blankets so my mom wouldn't catch me up late reading (funny, what kids think, huh?) scary stories like Pet Sematary. I mainly read (past tense) Steven King books when I was younger and moved away from the scary ones as I got older.

I liked Fire Starter and The Stand much better than the scary books, but to this day I remember how much fun reading Pet Sematary was.
Genesiz
Don't not kill people. This seems to be a recurring theme of just leaving people alive. If you're gonna kill them, then kill them.
Do kill the main character first. If you kill off the main, there's no chance of you dieing in the sequel.

Don't use conventional weapons. Something like a nuke will work perfectly.
Do keep a count of who you've killed. You know what they say; an organised killer is a better killer.

Don't make friends with your victims. They'll be harder to kill.
Do make firends with your victims. If you have a heart of iron, making friends will get you closer.

Hope they are useful Twisted Evil
furtasacra
Tip for serial killers:

DON'T stand with your back to the door, pompously explaining your brilliant scheme to the helpless, bleeding protagonist while his terrified fiancee creeps silently toward you, determined to skewer you with a chunk of scrap metal or die trying.

DO just shut up and kill him. If you MUST explain your actions to someone, prepare a letter beforehand (without any tell-tale fingerprints or DNA, please) and leave it next to his mangled body before you vanish into the night without a trace. Sequel guaranteed!

Tips for mutant cannibals:

DON'T let anybody see you and live to tell about it unless they're under the age of six, in which case you will be written off as a figment of a child's lively imagination. However, the child will grow up, insisting all along that you were real, and eventually come looking for you. SEQUEL!

DO eat up everyone else, and grind their bones to make your bread. No evidence.

Tips for aliens:

Coming soon. Boyfriend wants the computer.
hunnyhiteshseth
Dont open your mouth until you are through with killing.
Do wipe off your trails.

Dont laugh unnecessarily and stay focused on your killing job.
Do kill the hero first.
ocalhoun
Don't show yourself until you are ready to act
Do try to herd your victims up to the 2nd floor, or some other place where there are limited or no avenues of escape

Don't make a chase scene, unless that's your motivation in the first place.
Do sabotage the victim's car. Most horror movie villains are good about that, but it is important to remember. The movie would be ruined if the hero's car would actually start.
Thumpercats
Don't piss off the good guy by attacking his heart.

Don't expose your weakness.
rehana
[b]DO just shut up and kill him. If you MUST explain your actions to someone, prepare a letter beforehand (without any tell-tale fingerprints or DNA, please) and leave it next to his mangled body before you vanish into the night without a trace. Sequel guaranteed!

i Guarnteed
and Sirial Killer Is The Nice Nik Name
selammussie
this whole form right here makes me want to kill some one right now
the worst thing you ever heard ain't it!
so everyone please stop
do not keep writing how to become...." a good killer"
ahhhh
I just hate to hurt anyone....
by the way does your carrer really help
on secure way of killing
I don't think so
becouse God reveals what people deeply hides!
ocalhoun
selammussie wrote:
this whole form right here makes me want to kill some one right now
the worst thing you ever heard ain't it!
so everyone please stop
do not keep writing how to become...." a good killer"
ahhhh
I just hate to hurt anyone....
by the way does your carrer really help
on secure way of killing
I don't think so
becouse God reveals what people deeply hides!


Ha!
Someone's taking this a little too seriously!
deanhills
Don't get attached to your victims

Poison is a cowardly way to kill

Use bullets sparingly. Kill two for one. Indiana Jones killed three in one.

Breaking necks are economical.

If too noisy use rope.

Use powdered gloves. Wear dark colours.

Smoking is bad for your health. If you do smoke do not spread the butts around.

Do wear soles with no identification markers.

Shave all your hair. Shower and scrub before the kill.
molif
don't be a serial killer if you dream to be one..
do be a serial killer if you are psychotic enough..

don't be a mutant if you are not born to be one..
do be a mutant if people think that you are a freak that you can do stuff than no human can do..

don't be an alien cos it's not cool..
do be an alien if, err what, don't be an alien, its just not cool.. cos they end up dead anyway..
selammussie
ocalhoun wrote:
selammussie wrote:
this whole form right here makes me want to kill some one right now
the worst thing you ever heard ain't it!
so everyone please stop
do not keep writing how to become...." a good killer"
ahhhh
I just hate to hurt anyone....
by the way does your carrer really help
on secure way of killing
I don't think so
becouse God reveals what people deeply hides!


Ha!
Someone's taking this a little too seriously!


I should becouse someone I deeply love
has letted me down
I wish I could send 'em to death!!!
theHKN
The meaning of life is a concept that concerns the possible purpose and significance that may be attributed to human existence and/or one's personal life. It has been the subject of much philosophical, scientific and theological speculation, and there is a huge variety of views concerning this philosophical problemSome individuals, including logical positivists, have asked questions like "What does the question 'What is the meaning of life?' mean?" and also questioned whether it is a meaningful question. Others have considered the question "If there are no objective values, then is life meaningless?" Existentialists hold that meaning can be created by oneself, rejecting the nihilist view. Some, notably Humanists, have aimed to develop an understanding of life that explains, regardless of how we came to be here, what we should do now that we are here.

In addition to the naturalistic hypotheses concerning the origin of life, consciousness and the universe offered by science, some philosophers and theologians posit a "watchmaker" or "intelligent designer" as the creator of the physical universe, mainly based on teleological and/or cosmological arguments. And others have considered the human need for some higher or supernatural ideal, for instance, in reference to Friedrich Nietzsche's postulation of the "death" of God, Martin Heidegger puts the problem as "If God as the suprasensory ground and goal of all reality is dead, if the suprasensory world of the Ideas has suffered the loss of its obligatory and above it its vitalizing and upbuilding power, then nothing more remains to which man can cling and by which he can orient himself."

Take that into consideration....
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