Was this too harsh

mawfia

I moved from my gf due to pcs in the military. I have been gone for about two months. We agree we miss the other and really want to see eachother. During the two month break we consent to break up. Howerver after this break up we are still texting and talking on the phone all the time, she sends me pictures of her naked and we occasionally have phone sex. In addition shes always telling me how much she wants me and misses me. So during this time I am thinking we are back to gether or working things out.

We then agree we want to see each other and I buy a plane ticket to go see her at my old duty station. Following that purchase during a phone conversation she asks me if I have purchased the ticket. I tell her yes and in the same phone conversation she says "you do know we are just friends right"? I reply no and say I thought we were working things out . She then tells me I wont know if things are going to work out between us until i see you. We argue back and forth for a couple of days and I almost cancel my ticket. I go fly and see her and we act like bf and gf all over again, including sex, holding hands, kissing, etc.

I leave and go back to my present duty station. We continue to talk about the future and things are looking somewhat positive. On myspace I put up a picture of me and her at the beach and put the date on it i was there (shes in a skimpy outfit). She gets extremely upset deletes me from myspace and tells me i have no right to post the picture up.

I get a call from another guy on her myspace and find out she had sex with another dude the week before I came to visit her. He didnt know about me visiting her and I just find out about him. We both discover that the whole time she and i were dating she told the other guy she was single. During the nine months we were together she went to visit the guy at least two times.

In addition me and her lived together and had roomates. The roomates knew (one of which was a good friend of mine) and my exes two sisters (who i talked to frequently) all knew both he and I went to visit her as more than friends and were also friends with the other guy. No one had the courage to tell her what she was doing was wrong, or tell me what was going on. In anger i get a buddy to hack her myspace and post a long message on her page that way all of her family and friends could see, since some of her family was on her list. This message will be on the next post. I just wanted to know if anyone thought i was too harsh or was i justified?

I would like to say to the Kersten family for those who knew what was going on. I apologize somewhat for my actions only in that I probably still do not know all of the truth. I thought your family actually cared about me and wanted me to be a part, yet those few individuals knew two guys were in the dark about what they wanted to know the most. For Beth you state you were not going out with either of us, yet you harboured feelings between the two guys by trading explicit photos and phone conversations and even had intimate relations with both gentlemen in the same apartment and same bed...those actions are unexcusable. I am a strong black man, educated, and unafraid. If your attraction to black males stems around a feeling of disrepect or control for such individuals, then you hopefully in our short experience understand that not all black men can be manipulated and that as a Marine I still strongly demonstrate the ethos "No Greater Friend, No Worse Enemy"!

I am sure members of the involved party wonder why I make everything public. Quite honestly I dont care what anyone thinks. For those that know whats going on, if you can only find fault in me and not in yourelf then nothing has been learned through all of this and all of the pain and suffering as a result and to follow will more than likley recur again. Since none of my supposed friends, roomates, ex cared enough about me or my feelings to enlighten me...I pretty much feel like everyone took a big shit on my face, so i will repay in kind! Therefore, if everyone hates me even more as a result of me wanting the truth, then it is of little consequence since by everyone's actions (or lack of action) you hated me from the beginning. I will be the scapegoat since apparently i was alone and didnt even know it...

atombomb

I don't think thats harsh, It sure showed her lol Laughing

atombomb

Yes man you did the right thing and there for She needed to be told what was going on.
Sorry i didn't post it in the other post Embarassed

zaira

as your message goes by telling what you have feeled, it contains a sign of respect. Though you have done it publicly, its a little bit harsh, you need to talk with that stuff in private and learn their sides as well. Moreover, having such attitude to fool around with two men means she deserves what have you done. But, men usually put up a good fight with it and never back fight, if you could just see her personally, and talk to her, maybe you could put an end to the fight, victorious. Mostly, due to anger, we can think as gentleman and modestly. But its good to pour your feelings out. Relieves the stress you are carrying around.

Coen

In my eyes, in wasn't smart to make it public. I feel that talking about it with her privatly would probably would have helped better. Every action triggers a reaction, you could probably get her mad at you and make the problem worse.

mawfia

Well both her sisters knew and my ex roomates knew. So it wasnt that much of a secret to begin with. But she put me and the other guy at a health risk. I have no idea who the other guy has been with and I dont want to know. Well to the one reply do you think i should apologize even though i feel what she did was alot worse. Keep in mind this would have never happened if she had just let us both know what was going on. Or at least tell me she had been with someoen else as a common courtesy.

Would you not feel violated if you found out the person you had been with also had other partners?

RubySlasher

When people sleep around and lie, they deserve the full impact of their actions.

Coen

mawfia

Oh we are no longer talking. However her and the other guy are still friends. If I do decide to apologize it may end happening no sonner than a month. By that time we should both be cooled down a little bit.

mawfia

Latest update she called me tonight and talked more about what happened during the last couple of months. There was no arguing or yelling. Just calm discussion about what we both did wrong and thigns to do better in the past. We are not exactly friends but on better speaking terms. I think she is starting to realize how much she hurt me.

Coen

That's a good change I guess. If you feel talking helps then you might want to consider calling her too or wait for her to call again and talk/discuss what happened again or talk over some events more specificly. At least she is showing some sign of remorse. Good luck with it, I hope you two come out OK. One way or the other.

fx-trading-education

I think that even if your reaction was probably not the most appropriate, you didn't have to apologize for anything as the reaction was not really disproportionate compared to what she did.
Discussing the matter would have been useful only if you think that it would have been a help for you. Otherwise a discussion where she could try to justify herself or where you would try to reestablish your relationship is in my opinion useless. It will just postpone the problem that will anyway come back.
Now that you had some discussion together I think that it is time to move on, forget all this sad story and find somebody else you can trust.

iyepes

I think your post was a revenge, to put her in evidence in front of her family and friends. What she did was wrong, but what you did also was it.

You had the option to end things with her privately, but you prefered exposing her. It only served to your anger. So, it's done, no way back, she is publicly out of your life. I think it was harsh, but it almost makes not sense to ask it now. It's already done.

You could apologize to her, but I agree that it's time to move on, and find someone you can trust.

redchic

wish i thought of this when that sob who cheated on me. i don't think it's harsh. you need to decide just how much you want her in your life if at all. and stick to the decision

cavey

The things she did was wrong. But it was between you, her, and that other guy. To go public with this is childish and mean. I doubt she or her family will ever speak with you again.

ladybugzox

that is completely childish and immature! Shocked

it is between you and her, and yes the other guy too but definetly not her family. they shouldnt of had to tell you, she should've herself! and besides, would you of believed her friends/family if they told you? somewhat unlikely, especially if she denied it. sorry to hear that happened tho, my ex bf cheated on me with countless guys, and i only found out after we broke up for about a month. i feel for you!!