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Porn and relationships





mawfia
Initially met a girl online and then eventually we decided to met at a club in the local area. After subsequent dates I find out she likes porn and watched it occasionally with some of her ex boyfriends. She concluded that for the most part all guys watch porn, and the guys that respect their girlfriends are the guys that dont watch in front of them.

I didnt really put too much thought into it until after we started dating and then after several months it was her idea to move in with me. After living together for a couple of weeks she discovers that i look at porn. It doesnt become an issue until eventually we get into a big argument and she starts questioning why our sex life is not as good as it use to be.

I need the points so ill continue this in the next post...
mawfia
Well I defend myself by saying it was the fact of us arguing so much and a few fidelity issues that are the main reason for are sex life going to the shanks. She defends her reasoning by saying that me looking at porn is the same as cheating on her. She goes on to say how she is contantly trying to please me and how upset she is about learning that i look at porn, enlight of the fact that she made a blanket assumption that "all guys" look at porn.

I dont know if this is a unique case or a general perspective on most relationships but for the most part I want sex more than she does. I assume this is normal that males desire sex more than females therefore my reaction in most cases is to find other ways of entertaining myself and not putting pressure on my significant other to share something she doesnt want to. That in my opinion would be even worse.

So what do others do when their sex drive is higher than their significant other?
asim
Hmmmm,

well quite strange that you watch porn, i mean when u have a partner, you can have sex, its better to have rather watch. I used to watch porn a lot and, but after i met my GF and induldge in sex, i no more watch porn. Whenever i find myself erect i reach for, and she never has a problem with this, she also does same, and to keep our sex life good we try diffrent position, sucking licking everything, and i thnink girls have more sex then boys... but with this they also have a lot of patience, they can wait for long whereas men do not have patience and they just go on.
cavey
I don't think she can be mad at you for watching porn. If she compares watching porn with cheating on her, it is her that has an unnatural problem with porn and what it mean.
If it really bothers her that you watch porn, she should ask you nicelly to stop doing so. And respect it if you say no.
If she likes porn, why should she forbid you to watch it? She shouldn't anyway!
TrueFact
I agree with cavey 100%. But if you find that she's not enough for you and you demand more than what she can do for you, then you have to talk to her and do that frankly and honestly.

Just my 2 cents
nivre
its better to watch porn than having sex with her everytime you are sexually aroused. It makes no sense having sex if the guy just like to have one. its more pleasurable if you both are sexually aroused and you can have a good time playing around. If she likes porns, then watch it with her.
iyepes
I disagree, when you watch porn, you get more aroused. It's false that porn can relieve your sexual pressure, it increases it. If you are anxious because you can't have sex with her for whatever reason (she being unavailable or out to town), when you watch porn, you become more needed of sex, more prone to infidelity and less pacient to wait for her desire pace.

I think the main issue between you should be better your sex life. Watching porn is just distracting you from the main issue.

Thinking that women are less interested in sex than men is a cultural image. Women can be equally interested but we need more things than the act itself, romance and real intimacy are better arousals than touching her breasts. Some men don't notice than other things different than the sex itself, could be ruining their sex lifes.

Focus on your real issues, if porn adds one to them, you'd better quit it.
mawfia
I am not sure. Still trying to figure things out I suppose. As far as porn goes it doesnt really make me more aroused just passes the time. And I only look at porn when she isnt around.

I would definitely like a better sex life and I am not sure what the missing elements are. She claims she finds me attractive, which is usually a required component. And it is never just something we do to shut me up. In other words I put a lot of effort into getting her in the mood, before I even consider moving on to bigger and better things (if you know what i mean). And for all of my relationships I have always put alot of effort in to making sure she got out of it just as much as me.

Now what makes it difficult is communication which i think alot of couples probably are not the best at. But knowing what feels good to your partner can be as challenging as pulling teeth in a dentist's office sometimes.
molif
porn is porn.. i mean, why does it bother the girl if we guys watch porn..?

do we say anything about their shopping habits or drooling over some hot actors on tv thinking they could marry them, but oh boy, they are so dreamy..
Coclus
That's a kind of weird story, but you should ask yourself why you are actually watching porn.
mawfia
Its entertainment. Why do people watch sports or go to strip clubs. Regardless of if you watch the outcome will be the same. If your team wins or loses your not going to profit by watching. So simply its entertainment just like everything else.
djcaution
I love porn. I think its just great. I'm darn proud of my porn collection lol. My new girlfriend isnt a big fan of it though so I'm toning down my collection and dont watch it ever anymore but I dont wanna get rid of them completely there's some gems in there.. it's fun watching porns with your girlfriend and just analyzing everything and being like whats up with that and just laughing at everything hah good times
RubySlasher
The problem has nothing to do with porn. The problem is that you're in a common-law relationship-
The lowest relationship level on the totem pole. :C




.
mawfia
Yea i could only imagine how many more rapes, murders, divorces, and marriages would result if pornography was banned or made illegal. It would probably just end up beign like in the 1920 with prohibition and the behind the door clientel, where the rich pervs still get what they want while the homoless guy is left staring at dogs humping in the park Smile~
iyepes
I really insist, focus on your real issues. I think that couple counseling, with a therapist with knowledge in sexual aspects, it really could be good for you both.
moldgame
Rally relationship is bassed on trust ! Smile
Kaze_Mitoki
Quote:
Well I defend myself by saying it was the fact of us arguing so much and a few fidelity issues that are the main reason for are sex life going to the shanks.


Arguing is a definite turn off to most people of both genders. If me and my hunny argue and whatnot, we usually leave each other alone for three or four days, and if it's really bad then a week and a half to two weeks. I believe you are right in that sense... You and your sweetie should look at the reasons behind the arguments, and both should try to understand the reasons behind them. See if that doesn't help your sex life some.

And, fidelity issues? that's the dealbreaker for me. If I think somebody is cheating on me I investigate, and I had better be friggin wrong or his behind is on the curb. That's a huge thing right there!

Quote:
She defends her reasoning by saying that me looking at porn is the same as cheating on her.


Bull. you looking at porn is the same as watching dogs attempt to make puppies. by her reasoning, if watching porn is cheating on her, watching that is having sexual relations with an animal.

Quote:
She goes on to say how she is contantly trying to please me and how upset she is about learning that i look at porn, enlight of the fact that she made a blanket assumption that "all guys" look at porn.


She even SAID she liked porn! so what's the deal? If she likes it, then ask her what the issue is. Or, maybe she's upset that you watch it when she's not around, if she likes it that much. and she used to watch it with her ex boyfriends, so she's into that kinda thing. ask her if she wants to watch with you and if that's the real issue behind it her anger.

Quote:
I dont know if this is a unique case or a general perspective on most relationships but for the most part I want sex more than she does. I assume this is normal that males desire sex more than females therefore my reaction in most cases is to find other ways of entertaining myself and not putting pressure on my significant other to share something she doesnt want to. That in my opinion would be even worse.


My friend, I believe you are right in the fact that putting pressure on your lady would put strain on your relationship. However, there are female nympho's as much as male nympho's, and it really depends on the specific person you are talking about.
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