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Inlove but not the Right Time





nivre
Scenario is:

The girl which i am inlove for have recently break up. She have been consulting me for advices and I comfort her. She have said she has no plan in making up her last relationship. When is the right time to tell her that i am inlove with her?
mike_phi
well in this case I would advise that you continue to support her and be the shoulder to cry on, allow her to totally get over the previous relationship then you could start by gradually telling her what a great person you think she is (i.e. only if you mean it : ) )

ya I would gradualy let her know how i feel and she will eventualy get the picture and by alowing her ample time to totally recover from her previous relationship will allow the two of you to hopefully continue with a more stable relationship.


anyway good luck and cheers for now


mic
devotchka
Tell her now, why wait? Mr. Green
Just don't blurt it out, make it subtle. She does need to know how you are feeling, you never know, she might be secretly in love with you also.

Think things through, make sure you know what you are doing, be open, take a chance, go for it.
All in all...That's what life is about.
nivre
mike_phi wrote:
well in this case I would advise that you continue to support her and be the shoulder to cry on, allow her to totally get over the previous relationship then you could start by gradually telling her what a great person you think she is
mic


Yeah, i have been on her side for some time now...She considers me as a friend but i hate to say that she will think i have been abusive and i have grab the oppurtunity to have her. I have consulted her lately and he just said to me that he looks through me as a friend...and wants us to be friends only. Is her reply came out from her true feelings or she just grab out from her present situation (which is presently heart broken and afraid to open up a new relationshiop with someone). I have not slept lately for that reason...crap is this really the feeling of true love?


For those who have replied, thanks. Help me a lot to decide..
Thanks FriHost...Have many good people around.
bluefossil
tell her now when she is still vulnerable and emotionally unstable
devotchka
Only you know what she is like and if there is a real chance of something else.
Think realistic, not idealistic, and talk it out. Communication is the key.
If it clicks, great! Else, she would only help you to come out of it(heartache, sleepless nights and all that stuff).
Best wishes!
thadinator
the easy answer is not now. She just had a loss, and if you tell her now she'll think you'retaking advantage of her. Just wait until she stops thinking about this guy. Maintain communication, and when she's on her own two feet, tell her.
nivre
when she feel dat you also love her...and when she can forget about her past...
Coen
Just take it easy with her. I cannot judge how her current situation is, only you can. Allow her time to recover and overcome what she's just gone through. Make sure you are there for her. Act nice and listen, talk with her and give her advice if she asks for it. Make sure she knows you are there for her. When you feel she is over it you could giving some signs that you like her and would like to become more then friends. I would start to talk with her about some things that are a bit more personal. Feelings or something like that. Stay subtle in the beginning and just see what happens. Must important is that you don't overdo it if you feel that she needs more time.
benjmd
thadinator wrote:
Just wait until she stops thinking about this guy. Maintain communication, and when she's on her own two feet, tell her.


Sort of... but a LOT of people get over someone they've broken up with by meeting someone new that they are interested in. If you wait for her to get over him, it might be when she's started dating someone new!!

Think of it from her point of view. For whatever reasons, she might be feeling lonely or low on self-esteem or anxious or sad. If you care about her then demonstrate that with words to support her and actions to make her feel cared about.

Again, think of it from her point of view. She was in a relationship with this other guy and sees you as a friend. Chances are she is not madly in love with you. That doesn't mean she isn't attracted to you or isn't interested in you like that. She might be or she might be willing to find out. But she's probably not madly in love with you. If you come to her and say, "So, hello, by the way, I am madly in love with you and want to marry you will you make me happy forever and ever?" she is going to be intimidated as hell by now holding her friend's heart entirely in her hands with no choice but to lie about being in love or to break it.

Don't put that much weight on her when you reveal your feelings. Instead, let her know that you are interested in trying something a little more than friends. You don't have to dump the whole ton of bricks on her at once.
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