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Hell Explained by Chemistry Student

 


Blix
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term.

The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Quote:
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."


THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"


Further reading on Boyle's Law
doppleganger
yeah had read it somewhere else also

was interesting n thanks for posting it here
singh.gurjeet
I had read it before... but it sure makes a great read anytime... especially the Teresa part Smile I love scientists...
hellrazer
That was awesome, with scientiffic thesis.He deserves a+
adeydas
Hell, that was good!!! Laughing
dac_nip
yeah, he's good. i was trying to give some counter arguments but for the sake of the joke and the laughter, i'll waive. Very Happy
liljp617
=) Like 4 years old, but funny and clever nonetheless
ssthanapati
Intelligent guy i must say Very Happy
andy26
lol this was a funny essay
hlavco
I've seen it before, but it's still funny. It's nice to have a teacher that appreciates a sense of humor.
Lord Klorel
I must admit that this subject is unstable to discuss about it, because how you see it is in the eyes of someone completly different. I will not denie that this subject is very good to discuss because nobody can say that he is right. Therefore i agree that this student diserves a "A".
Daisie
That was really good! Kudos to him Smile
dwinton
Blix wrote:
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term.

The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Quote:
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."


THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"


Further reading on Boyle's Law

YES! That is the greatest story I have ever read. I stumbled on it earlier. I love that story. Why don't I get any 'Teresa's? It would be nice to have such a teacher
mraek
Great story. Shame it's not true:
http://www.snopes.com/college/exam/hell.asp
Coen
That was brilliant Laughing
One of the best written essays I've ever seen Razz
singh.gurjeet
mraek wrote:
Great story. Shame it's not true:
http://www.snopes.com/college/exam/hell.asp


Even if it is not true... it still makes a good read; it tickles Smile Makes you think (scientifically, logically) and then makes you laugh. I'll accept that bargain.
Bryan_Bezzle
Never seen this before, Good Stuff. I think I like it better with the extra addition.
Afaceinthematrix
It's sort of funny, but I'd give it an F. It doesn't prove anything. It's based on a postulate given by some woman.
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