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how can make your husband more harkworing?





qazwsx741
I have been married for years, and i have been getting on well with my husband. but one thing often made me annoyed, that is he is too lazy. when i am cleaning,he is doing nothing but watching tv or playing computer games, i asd him for help. he will say "yes" ,and come to help me more than 10 minutes later. i have finished the work.
i am angry with him and argued with him for many times. but it is not useful.
do you have any good ideas ?
Flarkis
Well i would say that most men tend to be lazy. From what i know the best was to get us to work is do something that will make us have to. For example, only clean your own clothes not his. Its a bit cruel but ive seen it work.
t1mmclaren
I have a similar problem with my finance... The problem with her is that she will put things off until latter... and that latter tends to be never. When she uses something she wont put it away right away so the things left out start to pile up until it is unmanageable. She is getting a lot better now.... it took a mix of what Flarkis said to do and nagging.
coolclay
I don't think, Flarkis's idea is a very good one. This approach only leads to more arguments, and problems. The best thing to do, is to try and talk about it. If you both have trouble communicating then thats the root of your problem. One way that always helps me communicate better is to write them into a letter. And slide it somewhere the other person will find it.
iyepes
Assign him specific tasks, things he can be responsible at, and no matter how delayed they are, let him to be in charge, his task, his responsibility. Finally he will get a clue, that he has to do something and none is going to do it instead of him.
Chris24
May sound lame how about rewarding him for helping? a little lovin?

Make a game out of it. The more he helps the more he gets, or the less he helps the less he helps. If he doesn't help he gets nada......
Alaskacameradude
Also, many men have jobs and work all day. The last thing they want to do when they get home from work, is to work some more. Most of the time they want to sit down and relax for a little bit. The problem is not that many men have a thought after work they should have a little relaxing time....it's that that time often extends longer than they may have planned.....right up until bedtime!!!
cavey
Who mowes the lawn?
Who paints the house?
Who drives, washes and fix the car?
Who changes the tires?
Who do the financials?
Does he have a job? Do you?
Aleksandroz
Don’t beat bee-hive, to get a honey!

I am not married, but in relationships I use that method.. and I don’t quit easily..
Point him out that it really means to you, and give him a reword if he obeys (a kiss or something like that) , I used it with my girls, and it helps (but not always! ).

If nothing helps, sometimes you have to show that you are furious about that.. and don’t be merciful..

Hope this helps
Azmo
me and my girlfriend both study full time and have 2 part time jobs each, so we got pretty much no time at all to do stuff, yet we manage to keep our fridge full of cooked meals, cooked in our own kitchen, landury clean, apartment clean and everything else that needs to be done..

we do it like this, split the work, both are tired.. she often says, I'll clean our clothes if you cook, now how fair is that? It's very fair imo, landury is like 10 minutes of work + putting the clothes back in our closets, and cooking is 20minutes - 2 hours of work depending on what we are having.. however, it's alot more boring and more physical to do the landury.

Or when it's time to clean, I take the bathrooms if you vacumclean and dust the apartment.. fair again Smile
mike_phi
I liked iyepes response, empower the guy let him see how things pile up and why it needs to be done, empowering people and making them responsible has proven to be the most positive method in enabling people to do things and feel motivated about what they do but I think when yu give him the tasks you can be too in a hurry to police him allow it to pile up and he will finally get the picture and put a process in place, its definately worth a try.

cheers and good luck
Arnie
Azmo wrote:
me and my girlfriend both study full time and have 2 part time jobs each, so we got pretty much no time at all to do stuff, yet we manage to keep our fridge full of cooked meals, cooked in our own kitchen, landury clean, apartment clean and everything else that needs to be done..

we do it like this, split the work, both are tired.. she often says, I'll clean our clothes if you cook, now how fair is that? It's very fair imo, landury is like 10 minutes of work + putting the clothes back in our closets, and cooking is 20minutes - 2 hours of work depending on what we are having.. however, it's alot more boring and more physical to do the landury.

Or when it's time to clean, I take the bathrooms if you vacumclean and dust the apartment.. fair again Smile
My "roommate" and I share an apartment because in this area there are so many students that you can only rent a room in a house shared with one or more other students.

Anyway, we manage things just like that. We're both university students and we just split up the work. One important aspect is that when something needs to be done, we don't tell eachother to do it right away or when to do it altoghether. As long as the dishwashing is done before we run out of clean stuff, I don't care when he does it. And we don't have a lot of cups/plates so you can wait 2 days at most. Laughing

But this splitting principle only works because both of us are equally busy outside the house. In a family where one member has a larger job than the other, you really shouldn't apply this. It's not fair to sit on the couch when your husband is working and then when he comes home demand help. Not even when you (ab)use examples of how two university guys manage fine because they're splitting the work... - because even we, when one of us has a busy week at uni, the other does more in the house!
furtasacra
This is horrible and manipulative but it frequently works for me...

Okay. My guy is playing a computer game or whatever, and I want him to help me with something around the house. I go up behind him and start massaging his neck and shoulders. When he starts moaning and groaning that it feels good, I keep on for about another minute. Then I stop and say "I'll finish after you help me with _____."

He says I'm an evil wench, but he usually gets up and helps with whatever. Then I finish massaging his shoulders. Following through is important! If I don't give him his reward, this trick will never work again.

I don't recommend using sex as an incentive to help around the house... that might backfire on you. How are you going to feel if you're in the mood, and you slip into something slinky and come on to him, and he rolls his eyes and says, "Oh, crap, what do you want NOW?"
Sphaerenkern
Just DO NOT let the rule "Don't help your wife. Wait 5 minutes and she did it herself" work. Just don't.
When he's, for example, watching TV and you want help, go to him and tell him and stay there. Don't go away and start working, because that's the moment when he probably thinks "hehe, I'll wait a few minutes and then she's done anyway..."
TrueFact
You need to talk or there's a serious communication problem between you two as someone said earlier and I agree with that 100%. Pushing your husband won't get you anywhere better. If you push him it will annoy him much more than it is annoying you that he is doing nothing to help you at home.

You may need to consult a professional or start assigning duties specially if you have kids... Kids have things to do, you have and your husband does. Using your kids and their look towards their father can be a motivative. If it doesn't work try to find a motivative not a way to force him.
Chris24
or he could just be a lazy sack and you are totally out of luck no matter what you do.....If so find a lawyer Wink
windrei
it's difficult to get a lazy person works........ just like my sister.... you can try fighting with him by doing nothing too. Just let the home become dirty to see will he do or not. But i can tell you it's not workable in my case. God bless you.........
RubySlasher
Bite his ankle and don't let go until he agrees. Repeat if necessary.
asim
hi baby,

As already said men's are born and certified lazy when it comes to household work.... but you can do one thing to make your husband work... before starting the work have a good and romantic chat with him.... in between have kisses and cuddling... let him go cozy wid you... this will help you, convert your husband harworking...
slasonic
lazy is an attitude from within. Your husband is not a vigorous, energetic, ambitious person. He would rather sleep an extra 15 minutes than get up and be 5 minutes early to work.

People who are vigorous will know what I'm saying. Lazy people will not understand.

Life is short. What's the use in sleeping and being lazy? Once you wake up in the morning, ask yourself: Is my body rested, is my mind rested. If the answer is yes, then get up. If it is no, then find out why. Get more sleep, start meditating, exercising, yoga, make a change to improve your sleep. Then ask yourself in the morning, am I rested? Then get up.

Life is still short, though. Can't change that Smile
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