Dating someone with 'bagage'

KronikSindrome

Well, okay, maybe Bagage isn't the right word, more like: complications.

I'm dating a guy (have been for about 1yr na 1/2) that has 3 kids.
I'm okay with him having kids for 2 reasons 1: I don't ever want to
BIRTH any children and since he already has three he wont ever want
me to (which has been a problem in my past relationships) 2: because I
like kids, especially other peoples (lol).

However! the kids come with a Mommy........

baby mama drama! aaahhh!

I don't get involved in that aspect of his life,
I've never even talked to the lady, because
I feel like it's none of my buisness and that
I really don't need her or his dealings with her
to be a part of MY LIFE just because it's always
going to be a part of his...............

and so far this approach has worked well for me........BUT....

things are starting to change a lil.....

SHE has mentioned to him that she'd like to "meet me"
she's been calling him a LOT more lately than ever before
and it seems to me when she comes to drop off the kids
or pick up her child support she's all dressed up............

maybe it's just me, and i do tend to over think things a little,
but all kinds of thoughts pop into my head regarding this.....

like:

why does she want to meet me NOW? it's been over a year...why NOW?
if she 'wants to know who her kids are around', she should have wanted
to know that a year ago. And if that IS the reason for wanting to meet me
I feel like: "****** off, I don't need your aproval lady". Not to mention it would
upset me to think she doesn't trust him to choose good people in his life....
I'd get all defensive.

I don't think that IS the reason though.....

I think she's always felt like He would take her back if she wanted to come back,
Because he loved her enough to take her back after she cheated on him, and because
since her he's never had a girlfriend for over a year until I came along. I think she's
relaized that I'm not going away like the others and I think it makes her feel threatened....
I think she wants to reafirm her importance to him.....

which is why she's been calling a lot, coming over all made up, and wanting to 'meet me'....?

And that makes me think, well WHY? So she can compare herself to me and try to think
that she's "better", to find something wrong with me she can tell him, or gab about to some
of their "mutual" friends? Or so she can talk shit about him to me?

Maybe I am just paranoid?

I need some advice......how should I approach all this?

I need to talk to him about it but without making him feel bad, like he's done
something wrong (because he hasn't)....how do I do that? and without sounding
like I'm jealous or over protective?

and what about meeting her? should I? what kind of mindset do I need to be in
regarding this in order to play it cool and come out on top?

yeah...HELP...?! Wink

Jaan

Talk to HER/HIM about it. What's wrong with that?

molif

yeah you should talk to him... tell him how you feel. if he really cares, he will consider your feelings.

also, he needs to sort out his relationship with her, that it is mainly for the children and nothing else.

coreymanshack

I really think that your assumptions are right. To many times have I overlooked a situation, I always expect the worst. She can,

A) Lie to you when you confront her
B) Actually not be doing what you think

Either way it'll seem like it isn't happening. I'd just keep paying attention to her and him. I'd even meet her.

apple

hey,

I know exactly how you feel.

I have been with my fiancee for 3 1/2 years now and he's got 2 kids. The thing is their mother is racial and had already expressed to him that she does not want her kids around me.

I got no issues with that as they will eventually be old enough to decide for themselves.

My advice to you is to mention to your man the way you feel. He knows his ex and if you bring to his attention that you think she wants him back he may see something that he's been overlooking.

In any relationship communication is key. You gotta be able to tell him how you feel and let him know wot you're thinking without being afraid.

Talk to him, let him know exactly how you feel and how you feel about the relationship and the future of it. Remind him about the way you feel about the kids and reinforce your love for him. (a man loves support)