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how do you know you are in a bad relationship

The thougt crossed my mind, and looking back I realised I have been in bad relationships, but my question is how does one know on is in a bad relationship.
mike_phi wrote:
The thougt crossed my mind, and looking back I realised I have been in bad relationships, but my question is how does one know on is in a bad relationship.

Its usually impossible to tell, or at least is for me. Relying on the guidance on your friends and family will help greatly, because when your in a relationship you make yourself believe that its the best thing thats ever happened to you. Right up until the very end, that is.
I mean, men/women in violent relationships still think that there in a good relationship. This shows that we are acustomed to changing our opinion of what is a good relationship so it will suit our own. We don't wish to think that we're wasting our time in a bad relationship, and therefore fail to admit it to ourselves.
When your thought changes from

it seems that we have not met for ages


what we met only recently, i have important work to do

I think above statement, sums it all.
Subsonic Sound
A friend of mine is in a relationship that no-one who knows him thinks is good. Not in the least.

Let me paint a quick picture, to show just how far it's gone. This happened just yesterday.

She has decided they both need to diet. He doesn't think he does particularly, but he goes along with it. So to begin the day, she has a full breakfast. He has a packet of 10p noodles. She tells him not to snack during the day, because she's going to make a big dinner. So, even while he's at work, with access to free food, he doesn't touch another thing, and comes home starving, looking forward to the dinner.

She tell shim she can't be bothered cooking, and they both have a piece of toast. Then, they go to the cinema. She has a massive tub of icecream, he isn't allowed anything because that would be snacking. He has to hold it for her while she eats.

They get home. It's quite late, so they're getting ready for bed. Since all he's had is a small portion of cheap noodles and a piece of toast, he's ravenous. Mentions to her that he's going to make a sandwich, and she explodes at him, because he's already wanting to have snacks.

This isn't an usual affair, this kind of thing happens all the time. She's self-centred, thoughtless, and barely lets him have a stray thought. She's actually quickly alienating all of her former friends, because it's not just him she tries to order around, with no regard for what other people might be doing.

Of course, he's still convinced he's in the best relationship ever. Tells her he loves her every time they say goodbye. Of course, I don't think I've heard her say it back in some time... which I don't think he's noticed.

You really can get blinded. You make a compromise, because compromises are essential to a relationship actually working. You make a slightly bigger compromise, you make a bigger one still... and before you know it, you're well beyond what you would have originally accepted. It's like the parable of the frog and the pot...
I think you will know deep down, because if you find yourself not wanting to be with you partner. Something is not right. I think the spark just starts to go, i think deep down everyone knows when they are in a bad relationship that isnt going to work.
I hate to sound naive, but I wouldn't take anyone's advise if the current relationship I'm in is good/bad.

I've kind of had that experience where I thought this friend of mine is really in a sh!tty relationship, tried to give him the friendly advise several times, but who am I to judge? They're going 5 years and counting. No one can really figure what's going on in a relationship unless you're the one who's in it.

I think you alone can figure if a relationship you're in is bad because something will definitely itch.
We are doing bad, when things do not go on smoothly. There are frequent disputes, and we have less attraction towards each other. And not to forget, we have a fear of losing our "better half"
only when you are not happy, you will feel you are in a bad relationship...

Subsonic Sound, your friend sounds so weird. like they say, onlooker sees more.. but if he is happy being like that, there is nothing anyone can do about it..
I think you always know that it's bad.

I mean it may not be clear but you always have an inkling that somethings not right.

If you'd rather hang with friends than spend time with him/ this a sign?
If you'd call your friends and chat for hours and after 5 mins on the phone with him/her you wanna hang this a sign?

My point is...signs are not always bold...most times they are quite subtle.
Making plans and your partner cancels, you feel super bummed and unmanageably hurt but then you get a call/text apologizing and all of a sudden you feel better. Don't let this be a habit.

The one red flag I stick to when deciding if I'm in a bad relationship is if I make excuses for the person. I know I'm being hurt and I know I deserve better but then I always find a suitable reason why it's not my partner's fault.
it can tell by his/her action... if one or any partners could no longer maintain there relationship well that's bad sign. Confused
when you don' feel happy anymore, when she speaks and you don't understand her anymore, when you tell her things and she doesn't understand them at all...
When you are tired of having sex with her and want it with other.
If you feel doesn't feel comfortable.
If you stop thinking about her and care too much about yourself.

When she doesn't want to be with you.
If she tell her issues to other guys.


we can't tell you, you tell yourself. When you get that feeling "this isn't right", then drop it and move on.

supjapscrapper wrote:
when you don' feel happy anymore, when she speaks and you don't understand her anymore, when you tell her things and she doesn't understand them at all...

Well said! This is true...when the love and life is gone you know it.
mike_phi wrote:
The thougt crossed my mind, and looking back I realised I have been in bad relationships, but my question is how does one know on is in a bad relationship.

Its easy to figure out if are in a bad relationship, you can determine if your companion or loved is really melicious with your relationship. There is an English proverb saying "A friend in need is the friend indeed".

Rolling Eyes
If you are in a relationship that brings you sorrow, and little happiness, you can suspect it's a bad relationship.

Problems come and gone, but and eternal problen is another symptom.

The bad part is that somehow one gets accustomed with bad relationships, so it΄s hard to realize it when you are in the middle of it.
It's something you decide for yourself. Are you happy?
In order for you to know if your relationship is that bad, please refer to the signs below.
There are six signs of Bad Relationship. Here it is.

1. DISSrespect

Insults, putdowns, and teasing are all forms of disrespect. That also includes digs about your race or culture or religion. Disrespect can sound something like "You say the stupidest things," or "You look fat in that dress," or "You're nothing without me." No matter what it sounds like, disrespect hurts — probably longer than the relationship because it can do major damage to your self-esteem, which can last for a long time.

2. Jealousy

Jealousy is bad news for a relationship. Some people mistake jealousy for love. "My ex used to get jealous if I talked to other guys. I thought it was cute that he cared about me so much that he wanted me all to himself, but after a while it got to be suffocating," explains Jenna, 16.

There's nothing cute about jealousy. A person who is jealous doubts the other person's love or commitment. Jenna's ex didn't trust her. If your partner doesn't want you talking to other people or doesn't like you to hang out with your friends — girls or guys — there's a major trust problem in your relationship.

3. Lies, Lies, and More Lies

Telling lies or being lied to always spells trouble. Small lies usually lead to big lies, and many lies can destroy a relationship. Honesty is essential for a healthy relationship, and if you can't tell the one you love the truth, there's something wrong. Some people think keeping the truth from a partner is OK. What she doesn't know won't hurt her, right? Wrong. Keeping secrets isn't being honest either. Some things to think about: why are you doing something that you have to lie about? Are you so scared of your partner's reaction that you have to keep it to yourself?

4. No Fair!

Anthony and Vanessa dated for four months. They fought a lot about little things — like why he didn't call her and why she was always late. These little fights escalated when neither one could admit they were wrong. And sometimes even when Anthony did admit he was wrong and apologized, Vanessa held it against him for weeks! Sound familiar? If you or your partner can't admit your mistakes and expect forgiveness, your relationship could be causing you a lot of unnecessary anger and heartache.

5. Control Freak

Who's the boss of you? You are. No one has the right to tell you what to do, where to go, or how to dress. Jessie had a feeling things weren't right in her relationship when her boyfriend started to make her ask his permission to go places without him. Another clue she got was that he got to decide everything about what they did — from which movie they saw to when she could work at her job. Jessie was right. She and her ex did not see each other as equals. In a healthy relationship, no one is in charge of the other person.

6. Can You Hear Me Now?

You'll need more than good reception on your celly for good communication in a relationship. Talking openly about your feelings with your partner and listening to each other without judgment is what good communication is about. If you have a hard time talking to your partner about your relationship or your feelings because you're worried about being judged or being yelled at, that's a sure sign your relationship is unhealthy.

If you're having doubts about your relationship or if one or more of these warning signs describe your relationship, talk to someone you trust about it. Sometimes having an outsider's perspective is helpful. Many couples work through their issues, but it takes hard work and commitment from both people. Some even go to couples counseling. And sometimes, as hard as it can be, it's best to throw in the towel and recognize your relationship might be more trouble than it's worth.
3. Lies, Lies, and More Lies

so so true...
Yes, Its true. Also, I think it's very simple to determine if you relationship is that bad or what. Just ask yourself if your happy with the lovelife you currently have, With what your partner is doing, or you to doing. If yes, then there's no problem. If no, it's another story. Wink
I would say if you have friends you are close to or family that are in your business they will be the first ones to tell you when you are in a bad relationship. Really good friends will tell you what you do not want to hear because they care for you and now it is best in the end.
jharsika wrote:
I think good hints are:
No attraction
Plotting to kill one another
and making one another cry.

My question would be: how do you escape a bad relationship? Perhaps that is another question for another thread.

Seriously my advise is to avoid them to begin with. Look at the people around you and the way they interact etc and take note of the good and bad of the relationship. Then when you find yourself liking someone look for the signs you've noticed in the other relationships.
This is not a sure shot plan but this method has spared me some heartache and kept me out of a lot of trouble.
When you feel uncomfortable in it. If something nags at you. If you have to explain most of the time what you mean when you say something. When you do not feel good about yourself in the company of the person.
I tend to live off of an old Jewish belief. It's "What is hurtful to you is hurtful to others." If I ever did anything I would consider hurtful to my spouse that would be hurtful to me, or vice versa, then I know I'd be in a bad relationship. Therefore, I will refrain from such acts! I just wish others were as open-minded, and not close-minded and brainwashed.
well I guess the most feeling that you will feel is something like 'loving him is like hating him at the same time'; you fell so enclose in something you cannot breath anymore, and you're always crying and in deep sadness you just can't explain why...
mike_phi wrote:
The thougt crossed my mind, and looking back I realised I have been in bad relationships, but my question is how does one know on is in a bad relationship.

If you are not happy, or know something is wrong.

It is that simple. You only get one life. Surround yourself with people that make you happy and whole.

Does she make you smile? Can you make her smile? Could you live without her? Do either of you feed each other's resentment?

If you feel uncomfortable, it is not meant to be. Relationships have their highs and lows, but if there has never been more than one high point over a long period of time (months), it might be time to move on.
You know you are in a bad relationship, when you realise that most of the time you are doing things only to please your partner, even when you feel it is affecting you negatively. It is that time when you continue in a relationship but your needs are not met, and you know the other person is not putting their effort for the sake of the relationship, but for their own selfish means.

However, it's one thing saying that one is in a bad relationship. It's the other thing trying to pull out of one. Most of the cases people know that their relationships are bad ones, but because they are so deep in love, it come as no surperise that they tag along to avoid breaking their hearts.
my_love wrote:
well I guess the most feeling that you will feel is something like 'loving him is like hating him at the same time'; you fell so enclose in something you cannot breath anymore, and you're always crying and in deep sadness you just can't explain why...

It's your heart talking to you. Us men don't really have hearts. If you cook, put out and don't steal the sheets then we love you. Our hearts really aren't in it, we just hope the food keeps coming if we buy you flowers and take you out and make you laugh. Humor is our best weapon.
When you feel bad and there's no trust.

there are several ways to tell if you are in a bad relationship If you dont trust the person your with or that person doesn't respect how you feel or listen to what you have to say then you should let them go. The most important thing that you need in a relationship is communication and respect . Also if your with someone and you feel you have to change them Dont even try to change them just let them go because if you try to change them your just going to hurt yourself.I hope this helps alot : )

Dating Advice
That is a very hard thing to tell...because we humans are kind of stupid when it comes to relationships.

My husband and I recently went through a rough period...and this lasted for almost a year before we were able to adress what was wrong because neither of us was really aware. so, in the end things exploded pretty bad, but lukily it was not too late and we were able to talk and save our relationship.

Looking back now I can see lots of signs that should have told me things were not right, but at the time I just discarded them as little things without importance.

So, in the moment it is hard. I am trying now to be more alert and not let things go bad for so long.

I think a key point in a relationship is to talk about everything and always. Sometimes you don't feel like saying something because you are afraid you are going to hurt or get the other person mad. But its better than keeping inside, because then it build up until you just hate the relationship you are in. But if you talk, then maybe there is a little argument that is solved quickly and things can go back to normal without people building resentment. It's hard though, I have been trying to say everything that bothers me, but I can tell my husband is still keeping things to himself and so I have to press him to let it all out. Hopefully in time he will learn to tell me things on his own.
I don't think us humans ever realise it until loads of sadness & hurt has crossed our path with someone.
I think that when a relationship gives you more times of anger, tears, and sadness than beautiful moments of laughter, warmth and smiles, then its time to escape.

It isn't ever that simple though is it?!
I've even taken a girl back several times even though I knew she was destructive to my life and my heart. But thats the point I suppose, no matter what our minds say it's the heart that usually leads us to make our choices Wink
i guess if you feel that your not happy anymore. If you think that every days pass by is like a horrible

times that you wanna go out of it. Trying to find someone who can lean on, who will make you happy or

even you can share your problems, ideas and other stuff that works on your mind. You can't ignore it if

you feel that your relationship is getting stuck in the middle of nowhere because the true meaning of

having relationship to others is to be happy. To give your life and share what you have. In the long

process, you will recognize it especially when your growing old with the person you choose to be with

for the rest of your life.
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