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what am i supposed to do when it is like this?





LeGirl_777
A few months we started getting into petty arguments constantly. It was usually both of our faults, he would say something usually offensive and then I would blow up over it. That part is over now and I realize that those arguments set ground rules in our relationship that we didnít give time to set because we went into the relationship to fast. Although that was a few hard months we learned a lot more about each other and our boundaries. Boundaries like not hanging up on each other on the phone just because we are upset (he told me the next time that happens I will never hear from him again), little comments that we donít think are offensive but the other does, you know just voices and tones blah, blah. Then there came the jealousy issue which is quite an obvious one I guess (I canít hang out with any guys, so he isnít allowed to hang out with any other girl). That doesnít really bother me; I always have more fun when I am with him. The only thing is, is that during this time we were fighting he always told me he was breaking up with me, thinking about leaving, or not sure if he wants to be with me, and it isnít like he was nice about it either... he would say some god awful stuff and it would be just to hurt me. Like telling me he didnít love me that he didnít care about me, how awful I am, and a whole bunch of stupid shit. So then... I wouldnít talk to him anywhere between 1 hour to 10 hours and I would just cry the entire time. Then when we talked he would say he didnít mean it he was just upset and he would never leave me because he loved me. This happened a lot.
Then... he started picking at me a lot... not in a funny way, but that he wants me to change. He says he doesnít like to be seen with me when I dress in my shirts with stupid logos on them, my jeans with wholes in them and torn at the bottom from me walking on them (and I canít help that part Iím really short and petite pants usually wonít fit around my waist and if they do they are ugly), he says he hates my converse too. He wants me to dress more lady like so it wonít be as embarrassing to him. Even though he says he thinks I look pretty, I should wear make-up more often because it makes me look more mature and more beautiful(that doesnít really bother me I guess). He told me he wished I was smarter, when I got upset about this he told me that he doesnít think Iím stupid he just wishes I was smarter so we can talk about more intelligent stuff, like about politics, government, and this stupid war America was in. So he doesnít think Iím smart enough for him..(Yeah that is why I graduated high school with a 3.8 GPA, a scholar ship, and went up to trigonometry in math, when the state I live in only requires up the geometry..)
Heís told me that sometimes he canít stand me.. And it isnít something I do.. It is just me in general. He also canít stand that Iím klutzy, and Iím sorry it comes naturally to my whole family and I canít help it. I bump into things, nock things over, spill things, drop things, all the time. But every time I do something he acts like Iím the town idiot and starts to be rude to me.
Then this is I guess why Iím making this post is because of the fight we had last night and this morning.
He was calling me from work and I was being all sweet all day to him. Sometimes he would just get kind of snappy with me even though I was being really nice to him. He called me again from and we were talking and he seemed kind of down so I asked him what was wrong and he said he didnít want to be on the phone. So I was said oh ok, well Iíll let you go then, and we talked for another minuet and we got off the phone. The he called me again from work and said he was really bored and was chatting to pass the time. So I said ďoh who are you chatting toĒ joking around because obviously he was chatting with me because he was on the phone with me. Then he freaked out and snapped ďJesus Christ why are you inquiring that Iím talking to another girl your doing it all the time. what ever Iím going goĒ ... ... ... ... ... then I quietly said back and I didnít even think he would hear me ďI was joking, I know you meant me..Ē and we only talked for a short minuet after that mainly he was saying that I always assume he is talking to other girls. I just decided to blow all of this off.
He called me a few more times from his work and then he got home. After he did all of his stuff at home he called me we talking for a couple of minuets and then he said he didnít want to talk on the phone and I said alright well Iíll let you go then and he replied ďwell no because if I donít talk to you then you will get madĒ I hate it when he says this I have told him countless times that is not why I get mad, I get mad because he starts to get snappy at me then is rude when he does get off the phone and I told him this. He said thatís not true and when I said.. Yeah it is he said alright maybe a little. So then I told him to call me before he sleeps, and he said ďI will call you before then.Ē
Then he called me and he said Iím going to bed. And I said ďoh I thought you were going to call me before then.Ē And he snapped at me again saying ďI am calling you before I sleep! Thatís what I am doing right now!Ē I said ďoh..When I said call me before you sleep you said you will call me soonerĒ and his reply was ďI never said that, but whatever Iím going to sleep now good byeĒ and before I could say the word bye he hung up on me. I called him back and he ignored my phone call. So I left him a text saying ďfirst you hang up on me then you ignore my phone calls. You said the last time this would happen would be the last time we ever spoke. I didnít do anything to make you act like such a jerk to me and give me attitude like this. I was nothing but sweet and nice to you all day and all you have done is snapped back at me. I was in the middle of saying goodbye and sweet dreams when you hung up on me btw.Ē So I tried calling him back again and he ignored my phone call again. So I waited an hour for a phone call and didnít get one so I called him and his phone was off. I was so upset. I didnít even do anything at all. So I blew up and sent him a really mean text message before I went to bed. And I regret it. It said ďwhatever itís not like you really care about me anyways. I will bet my life on it that the only reason youíre still with me is because you wonít be able to find a prettier girl into bondage who will love you as much as I do or would do anything for you. Even though you find me discussing and that you canít stand meĒ then I went to sleep.
I woke up to his text messages pretty much saying that, that was the most insulting thing I have ever said to him, I canít believe you said that, well at least I know what you think of me now. Then I got another text from him that said ďI will show you how much I need a pretty girl who is into bondageĒ and so I called him and once again he ignored my phone call. So I sent him a text telling him to answer and when I called him again he answered saying ďwhatĒ. Anyways he said he is so upset that I would think that about him, he is extremely pissed at me, we will never do anything with bondage again and he is throwing out all of that stuff. And apparently our relationship is nothing because I said that. And I just ruined our entire relationship. And I started crying and I told him how I felt. How else am I supposed to feel when he does nothing but tell me that he canít stand me and all of that stuff. And of course like always he shot back he never said any of that. But when I started to talk about it more he stopped talking me. I asked him why and he said he didnít know what to say to me anymore. He said he had to get off the phone to take a shower for work and I cried and told him wait please just talk to me for a minuet and he said no and I tried to keep talking to him and he hung up on me. I called him back and I told him exactly what he told me, ďif you hang up on me like that again you will never hear from me again, and that is exactly what you told me when I hung up on you remember?Ē and then he said ok and didnít hang up on me again. We argued for a little bit more about the same thing and he said ď IF I ever see you again we will never do anything like that againĒ and I of course replied ďwhat do you mean IF, what about our engagement? What about the ring you gave me? You promised to be with me forever.Ē And he said ďwell that was before I knew you felt this wayĒ I think that was harsh of him to say...I couldnít help it and I broke down and started bawling. He promised to spend the rest of his life with me when he put that ring on my finger. Apparently it meant nothing to him...I didnít say any of that though.. But I did say ďwhat do you want me to do with the ring thenĒ and he yelled back ď Is That All You Care About!?Ē I told him it was because he promised to be with me forever and now he is breaking that promise. He had to leave to get ready for work and I asked him if he would call me back and he didnít say anything...so I asked him again and I didnít get a response.. So I told him to promise me that he will call me back and he said he wonít promise because he doesnít know if he will. I told him I loved him before we hung up and he didnít say it back...I havenít heard anything from him all day...he gets off in 3 hours though.. Maybe he will call me then.
Is this really all my fault?
Am I really just being that stupid?
I know I should have handled this better then sending him a stupid text, but was it really that bad of him?
Maybe he will call me back and tell me he loves me and doesnít want to leave me like he always does?
But the good and the bad is 50 50..and the good times always weigh more then the bad right? We have so much fun together, when Iím with him no body else in the world exists but me and him. I canít imagine my life with out him I honestly I canít.
LeatherRose
it sounds like he is being a little to hard on you..
but you still need to not be so sensitive
ThornsOfSorrow
Honestly, I think you had every right to send him that text message. I don't think it's right that your boyfriend called you at least twice only to say that he "didn't feel like talking on the phone". There needs to be a communication in a relationship, and it's wrong for him to deny you that communication. A couple should have at least one good conversation each day. When he called you saying he was going to bed, I would've reacted in exactly the same manner. He's your boyfriend; you obviously want to talk to him. I don't think it's fair that when he no longer wants to talk, he expects you to just obey him, even if you have more to say. A relationship needs to have compromises, yet it seems like you're the one making all of the sacrifices and walking on egg-shells.

Also, it's wrong of him to complain about your intelligence, clothing, clumsiness, etc. He should love you for who you are. If you don't want to wear makeup, then don't; it's your face, and therefore your choice. If I had a boyfriend who had that many problems with me, then, like you, I'd assume that he was only staying with me because he couldn't get anyone better. Your concern is definitely legitimate.

It seems like your boyfriend has a serious problem with communication. A couple should be able to talk about things that are bothering them without blowing up at each other. Most guys would have gotten your text message and called back wanting to know why you felt that way. Of course they'd probably get defensive about it, but your boyfriend blew things way out of proportion. It seems like he simply wants to ignore all of the problems with your relationship, and that's not right. If you could somehow convince him to have a calm, civilized conversation about how you can both improve the relationship, then that would probably help a lot.

This definitely isn't your fault. This guy needs to stop picking on you and actually listen to what you have to say.
urbanbuddha
Your boyfriend is a douche bag and you need to grow a back bone. How is he supposed to have any respect for you if you are so clingy and dependent on him for happiness. I think one of the first things that went wrong in your relationship is the agreement to not hang out with other people of the opposite sex. That is a blatant sign of mistrust between the both of you. Trust is very important in relationships. Even if you both love each other, if there is no trust, it will not work out.

Why are you still with him? It seems to me that he mistreats you and says things that make you feel insecure about the relationship. You deserve better. But before you go out and find that "better", I think you need to look at yourself and become more strong. Don't ever take this crap from anyone again (especially a lover) and become a person on your own because you are only disrespecting and degrading yourself.
cavey
If I get your post right, your boyfriend is abusing you. He is trying to make you think that you are not worth anything. By telling you these awful things everyday, you may think that you are so worthless that no-one in the world would like to be with you. And that you are really lucky that your (so-called intelligent and much-worth) boyfriend will have you. Hopefully for him, this will make you kling to him, so that he can take you for granted - you would never dare to check out anyone else with your low self-esteem.

Telling you these things, and treating you this way, makes him a shit-head! I'm sure he thinks that he is intelligent, but the only thing he is, is manipulative and abusive. He do not deserve someone like you. I'm sure that he is fully aware of it, and therefore trying to manipulate you to stay with him.

You say you have a lot of fun. Do you really think its fun to be told how awful you are? How stupid you are? Who the #%& do he think he is?? If he really thought you were that bad, and if he really were as fantastic as he obviously thinks he is, he would have left you ages ago, and hooked up with a girl that met all his stupid requirements.

Why can't you hang out with other boys? It's not your fault that he has jealousy issues. If he has such problems, make him see a shrink, or tell him to grow up! Also he tries to make it seem like it's you that is jealous. Reminds me of psychopat-symptoms. Another reason why he should see a shrink - and for you to find a real man! A man that you can build a real relationship with.

You did not ruin your relationship. He did. Your SMS were well deserved. Also he is ruining YOU! Don't let anyone treat you like that! If that were my boyfriend, I would have downgraded him to an enemy and told him just what a worthless shit-head he was!
molif
i am disgusted by him. firstly, he makes so many stupid mistakes and calls you all sorts of names, and can do it so many times, but once, only once you say it to him, and he acts like it's your fault. how can you even feel like it is your fault and be upset? if he really loves you, he wouldn't hurt you. you don't deserve any guy like him, and he definitely doesn't deserve your love.

take my advice, and leave him. if i was like him, i would kill myself and reflect on my actions. i would not do things like that to hurt my girl. and you too, a ring is a ring, it's not like that will tie him to you.
KronikSindrome
count it as a lesson learned, ditch the dou**e bag and find somebody
you are more compatible with. Just remember next time to apply what you've
learned to your new relationship ie: taking things slow, setting boundries early on,
establishing comunication, tolerance, trust, compramise......

you can do better than him, and be better yourself Wink
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