Q: Why are women so bad at mathematics?
A: Because men keep telling them that this
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is 12 inches.
A: Because men keep telling them that this
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is 12 inches.
Q: Why are women so bad at mathematics?
On their anniversary night, the husband sat his wife sat down in the den with her favorite magazine, turned on the soft reading lamp, slipped off her shoes, patted and propped her feet and announced that he was preparing dinner all by himself. "How romantic!" she thought.
Two-and-a-half hours later, she was still waiting for dinner to be served. She tip-toed to the kitchen and found it a colossal mess. Her harried blonde husband, removing something indescribable from the smoking oven, saw her in the doorway.
"Almost ready!" he vowed. "Sorry it took me so long -- I had to refill the pepper shaker."
"Why, honey, how long could that have taken you?"
"More'n an hour, I reckon. Wasn't easy stuffin' it through those dumb little holes."
Two-and-a-half hours later, she was still waiting for dinner to be served. She tip-toed to the kitchen and found it a colossal mess. Her harried blonde husband, removing something indescribable from the smoking oven, saw her in the doorway.
"Almost ready!" he vowed. "Sorry it took me so long -- I had to refill the pepper shaker."
"Why, honey, how long could that have taken you?"
"More'n an hour, I reckon. Wasn't easy stuffin' it through those dumb little holes."
Coma Recovery
Patient: "Huh? What? Where am I?"
Nurse: "You're in the hospital. You've been in a coma."
Patient: "How long was I in a coma?"
Nurse: "Ten years"
Patient: "Wow... Who's President?"
Nurse: "Bush"
Patient:
Patient: "How's the economy?"
Nurse: "Lotta layoffs"
Patient:
Patient: "Who else is in the White House?"
Nurse: "Cheney and Powell"
Patient:
Patient: "Are we by any chance bombing Iraq?"
Nurse: "Yep"
Patient: "HOW long was I..."
Nurse: "Ten years"
Patient: "Huh? What? Where am I?"
Nurse: "You're in the hospital. You've been in a coma."
Patient: "How long was I in a coma?"
Nurse: "Ten years"
Patient: "Wow... Who's President?"
Nurse: "Bush"
Patient:
Patient: "How's the economy?"
Nurse: "Lotta layoffs"
Patient:
Patient: "Who else is in the White House?"
Nurse: "Cheney and Powell"
Patient:
Patient: "Are we by any chance bombing Iraq?"
Nurse: "Yep"
Patient: "HOW long was I..."
Nurse: "Ten years"
A dictionary for software engineers
Alpha: Software undergoes alpha testing as a first step in getting user feedback. Alpha is Latin for "doesn't work."
Beta: Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. Beta is Latin for "still doesn't work."
Error message: Terse, baffling remark used by programmers to place blame on users for the program's shortcomings.
Reference Manual: Object that raises the monitor to eye level. Also used to compensate for that short table leg.
Help: The feature that assists in generating more questions. When the help feature is used correctly, users are able to navigate through a series of Help screens and end up where they started from without learning anything.
User-Friendly: Of or pertaining to any feature, device or concept that makes perfect sense to a programmer.
- Novice Users: People who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer.
- Intermediate Users: People who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it.
- Expert Users: People who break other people's computers.
Alpha: Software undergoes alpha testing as a first step in getting user feedback. Alpha is Latin for "doesn't work."
Beta: Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. Beta is Latin for "still doesn't work."
Error message: Terse, baffling remark used by programmers to place blame on users for the program's shortcomings.
Reference Manual: Object that raises the monitor to eye level. Also used to compensate for that short table leg.
Help: The feature that assists in generating more questions. When the help feature is used correctly, users are able to navigate through a series of Help screens and end up where they started from without learning anything.
User-Friendly: Of or pertaining to any feature, device or concept that makes perfect sense to a programmer.
- Novice Users: People who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer.
- Intermediate Users: People who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it.
- Expert Users: People who break other people's computers.
Are you a prostitute or a software consultant...
1. You work very odd hours.
2. You are paid a lot of money to keep your client happy.
3. You are paid well but your pimp gets most of the money.
4. You spend a majority of your time in a hotel room.
5. You charge by the hour but your time can be extended for the right price.
6. You are not proud of what you do.
7. Creating fantasies for your clients is rewarded.
8. It's difficult to have a family.
9. You have no job satisfaction.
10. If a client beats you up, the pimp just sends you to another client.
11. You are embarrassed to tell people what you do for a living.
12. People ask you, "What do you do?" and you can't explain it.
13. Your family hardly recognizes you at reunions (at least the reunions you attend.)
14. Your friends have distanced themselves from you and you're left hanging with only other "professionals."
15. Your client pays for your hotel room plus your hourly rate.
16. Your client always wants to know how much you charge and what they get for the money.
17. Your pimp drives nice cars like Mercedes or BMWs.
18. Your pimp encourages drinking and you become addicted to drugs to ease the pain of it all.
19. You know the pimp is charging more than you are worth but if the client is foolish enough to pay it's not your problem.
20. When you leave to go see a client, you look great, but return looking like hell (compare your appearance on Monday AM to Friday PM).
21. You are rated on your "performance" in an excruciating ordeal.
22. Even though you get paid the big bucks, it's the client who walks away smiling.
23. The client always thinks your "cut" of your billing rate is higher than it actually is, and in turn, expects miracles from you.
24. When you deduct your "take" from your billing rate, you constantly wonder if you could get a better deal with another pimp.
25. Everyday you wake up and tell yourself, "I'm not going to be doing this stuff the rest of my life."
1. You work very odd hours.
2. You are paid a lot of money to keep your client happy.
3. You are paid well but your pimp gets most of the money.
4. You spend a majority of your time in a hotel room.
5. You charge by the hour but your time can be extended for the right price.
6. You are not proud of what you do.
7. Creating fantasies for your clients is rewarded.
8. It's difficult to have a family.
9. You have no job satisfaction.
10. If a client beats you up, the pimp just sends you to another client.
11. You are embarrassed to tell people what you do for a living.
12. People ask you, "What do you do?" and you can't explain it.
13. Your family hardly recognizes you at reunions (at least the reunions you attend.)
14. Your friends have distanced themselves from you and you're left hanging with only other "professionals."
15. Your client pays for your hotel room plus your hourly rate.
16. Your client always wants to know how much you charge and what they get for the money.
17. Your pimp drives nice cars like Mercedes or BMWs.
18. Your pimp encourages drinking and you become addicted to drugs to ease the pain of it all.
19. You know the pimp is charging more than you are worth but if the client is foolish enough to pay it's not your problem.
20. When you leave to go see a client, you look great, but return looking like hell (compare your appearance on Monday AM to Friday PM).
21. You are rated on your "performance" in an excruciating ordeal.
22. Even though you get paid the big bucks, it's the client who walks away smiling.
23. The client always thinks your "cut" of your billing rate is higher than it actually is, and in turn, expects miracles from you.
24. When you deduct your "take" from your billing rate, you constantly wonder if you could get a better deal with another pimp.
25. Everyday you wake up and tell yourself, "I'm not going to be doing this stuff the rest of my life."
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