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Strip Clubs and Evening scores...

I have always had a problem with these places.

A: I think that being naked is awesome but should be done in the
confines of an intimate relationship between two people.

B: I think sex ( and taking off your clothes ) for money is imoral
and shows a lack of self respect and integrity.

C: Most of the guys who go to strip clubs are married and/or have
children who they should be at home with and spending their money on.

D: there are people starving to death in thsi world and yet people are
spending money on seeing someone naked rather than helping out their fellow man.

I don't expect everyone to agree with me...that's just how I feel about it.

Anyway!! My b/f is great, I totaly love him, and he doesn't go to strip clubs. However, his best freind had a bachelor party and they had a stripper in the back of their limo. I could have been okay with that...but he didn't tell me about it! I had to find out from his freinds girlfreinds. my question is.......

How do I repay his indiscretion?

I know getting "even" isn't what's neccessary....
but I do want to make him understand how he made me feel...
and he IS a man so words just aren't working (haha sorry boys,
no offense) so yeah.....anyone got some ideas?

should I go to lunch with a guy and not tell him?
go to a strip club myself and not tell him?

(of course I will make sure he finds out from someone)

??? I dunno.....I need opinions.....

even if your opinion is that I am just being 'stupid'....

let me have em Very Happy
You said yourself that getting 'even' isnt nessessary, and you also said that you want him to hear from someone else. Im a guy myself, and i dont really think it's that much of a deal, because it's someone ur bf doesnt have a chance with, plus it wasnt his choice to have a strip there.

But.. I can understand how u felt about him not telling you, and i too feel the same when my gf goes out n doesnt tell me about the things i hear from her mates.

Therefore.. Why dont you get one of your friends to bring up in converstion with your bofriend about you going out with them the 'other night' and there was 'a guy' all over you, trying to pull. Then when he come back to you to question it, you can see how he reacts and feels towards that. Or something not as serious, like saying you went our fr a meal with a group of guys instead.

I think that would be much safer for your realtionship since it didnt actually happen, and u can explain to him it didnt and it was just to prove a point, and your friends can back you up to. Much safer than actually going out n getting your own back on him.

I hope u understand what i mean, im not all that good with realtionships though, so please dont hold a grudge against me if something happens Sad
Very Happy thanks man -

that is pretty good idea though...don't actually do anyt5hing but set
someone up to tell him about it.....that's a good option for me because
I really don't WANT to go to a strip club myself....and because I don't
weant to do anything wrong just to prove he was wrong.....thanks for
the advice man..

(the whole "he wouldn't havea chance with them" thing though,
not so releiving considering he has slept with 3 different strippers
in his past...yeah...SUCKS heh)
KronikSindrome wrote:
(the whole "he wouldn't havea chance with them" thing though,
not so releiving considering he has slept with 3 different strippers
in his past...yeah...SUCKS heh)

Aww Sad that sucks. I can defnately see why your worried about it then. I hope u get him told, n sort him out :p lol.
Amen to most of what Hammy said. You contradict yourself by not wanting to get "even" but yet you clearly want to go to the lengths to make sure that he finds out in someway, ideally hurting him after the fact. I'm a girl though, and while the thought of being in your situation with my boyfriend of four years irks me a little, I don't think I'd go out of my way to make him feel bad over something he can't change (the not telling part).

He doesn't need to tell you everything, and likewise for yourself. (And bachelor [or bachelorette, for that matter!] party would be complete without at least one stripper. Razz) Now, if he'd actually done something with her, that's obviously wrong, but I doubt he'd fess up to that anyway, so either you trust him or you don't. Give him the benefit of the doubt, and try to not be vindictive about it. If you've explained to him your feelings about the subject and made yourself clear that you don't like not knowing something like that, then you've done all you really need to do.

I think that playing games with his mind by setting up this scenario that didn't happen is a little cruel and unnecessary. I guess it all depends on where your relationship is, how you guys normally function, how long you've been together, et cetera...but does it really help the two of you out by lying to him like that? (Or actually going out and doing something for the sake of upsetting him?) It just doesn't really make sense to me, I guess. The goal should be how to harmonize things between the two of you, not make them worse on purpose (even if doing so gives you a little satisfaction in the process.)
it is not being fair to him. ok, maybe in your point of view, it seems like he has not been honest, but maybe you should just tell him how you feel about it and finding out from someone else. there should be a certain amount of trust between couples and if he really cares about you he will know what to do next time.
Thank you all for your advice Very Happy I do really appreciate it.

I suppose I am dwelling on the matter a little too much.
I've been with my b/f for a little over a year now and truly he
is a very considerate individual, and this is the very first time he's done
anything that has really hurt my feelings. I did talk to him about it and
he did say he was very sorry and wouldn't do it again. Because he was so
good about it I really couldn't get mad at him and I think that is where
this feeling I have is coming from, because I am so upset about it I just
want to do something to make that stop...he can't really make me feel
better because I don't think he really understands what it feels like...

the biggest thing for me is that A: I felt like a fool when I had to hear
about it from someone else and B: I don't understand why he felt he
couldn't tell me about it in the first place (he said he didn't want to hurt
my feelings, but they wouldn't have been so hurt if I only knew in advance)

I know some people wouldn't consider it a big deal, but I'm a little bit
crazy Wink so I keep thinking about it and I get these mental images
in my head of this stupid stripper in the back of the limo and and
and....AAAHHHH.....I wanna break sumthin ya know?

I do trust him.....and I'm trying really hard not to be a jealous
person....but I guess me making him feel jealous or like a fool isn't going
to make me feel any better, about the situation or myself as a person......

oh ggeeezzeee. having a significant other can be so complicated
sometimes. Before this guy I was in a 5year long relationship...and I'm
thinking if this one doesn't work out I'm going to join a convent. heh.

anyhow! thanks people! much luv to you all. and further thoughts and
ideas are certainly welcome. Very Happy
Considering how you felt when you found out about his indiscretion, do you really want to risk your relationship with something as petty as getting "even"? I personally do not think it is necessary. Your boyfriend probably did not tell you about the stripper because he knows how you feel about the issue. What needs to be understood is that it was not his decision to hire a stripper and that it was his friend's bachelor party. It's all about the contexts and I don't think he should be blamed for seeing a stripper on that night because of those exact contexts.

In any case, he also made a mistake by not informing you. This is probably because he knows where you stand with the issue... You need to talk to him about this because it's a breach of trust.
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