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Yet anouther age problem...





Hammy
Hey, i have similar problem to most post in this forum, but i havnt found anyone in my situation so i had to ask myself.

I've read post about 7 year ages gaps and stuff, and i have no problem with it. I believe it's the characteristics in a person that make them up, and it shouldnt depend on the age.

Im turning 18 in exactly 1 months time, and.. well.. my girlfriend is 14. Yes she can be a little immature at times, but she is actually quite mature. She is taller than her mum, her 17 year old sister, n is as tall as her dad. Her birthday is in december, which leaves a 3 - 4 month gap where ill be 18 and shes 14.

She is bipolar.. before reading on, if u dont know wat that is, google it. I dont want any unecessary comments made about it. I understand her, she can be every emotional and she cries nearly every day, she can go into a deep depression very easily, and she cannot get out of it. Very few things can help her, and im the main one. Shes happy when she's with me and i'll admit i'm happy when im with her. She self harms quite a bit, but its getting less frequent. Where actually really trying to make it work, we talk alot about our relationship, mainly because she needs reasshuring because of her depression, but because we've broken up 8 times before. This was bak when she didnt know wat she wanted, n we kept taking each other back. Sounds rediculous i know, but weve made it 1 month now. Still doesnt sound like much, but i've seen her nearly every day.

Few differences are that she is still in school, year 9, and i've left school now.... I drive, she doesnt.

Were trying to make it work between us... so i'd rather have replys that are encourging, but still, i'd like to know wat you think as if you were the public view on us... Thx.

(sorry for the long post, wanted to give a bit of background)

Hammy.
molif
it is a bit too young, but if you stand by her, and talk things out, it should work..

the key to relationships is communication.. talk and try and understand each other.

you never once mentioned you love her though.. or maybe it's too early to talk about love.
bonestorm74
This should be up to the two of you. If you both feel it is right, then it probably is. If you're looking for other people to tell you it's right, there are probably some insecurities there that are gnawing away at you. We can't tell you what those are, you have to figure that out for yourself.

Anyway good luck with it.
Hammy
I guess i just wanted peoples opinion on whether it was right or wrong in their eyes, but yes i do love her n i'd rather not leave her, but we are both worried about it.

Oh well Sad
escritor
Bipolar disorder is a serious disease. An ex-classmate of mine had it. Sad

She used to arrive there super hyper happy and greeted everybody with hugs and kisses. Minutes later, she was sitting in the corner, very very depressed or angry about life.
supjapscrapper
believe me man, if you love her, stay with her. You'll surely find out ways of doing things together and still having fun. Even iof you got to drive her 3 years long. Moreover, if she's bipolar, you'd have a very hard time with yourself if you are the cause of her getting into a deeeeep depresseion because you're not anymore with her. so I just can wish you good luck and keep on the lovin' it's the only thing that keeps this planet from exploding all together ....
escritor
*By "serious" I meant "complex". Sorry for my wording.
Coen
I understand that you experience the situation you're in as a difficult one. I'd say, stay with her. From what I understand out of your story, the both of you are perfectly happy with eachother so what diffrence should age make? If you regard eachother as equals then I really don't see why you shouldn't stay with her. I've looked up the term bipolar as I didn't know it yet but from what I understand it can be heavy and you make her feel happy when she isn't feeling that well.

You are giving her strenght and comfort, and that's just beautifull. You know she feels good when you're around and if you feel good when she's around too then your relation works just perfect. The age diffrence is only a problem if you decide it is. If you decide it isn't then it doesn't have to be a problem. And to comfort you, the age diffrence will dissapear (I am speaking of mental age her of course) in time so it will eventually be "gone".

I hope I was able to help you.
ddoonie
Forget public opinion... only u can answer these questions. People may say u are too young now, but if you are still together in 10 years, you'll be 28 and she 24. To me, i can only follow my heart, regardless of where it leads me, as i refuse to live with any regrets...
ainieas
Hammy wrote:
Hey, i have similar problem to most post in this forum, but i havnt found anyone in my situation so i had to ask myself.

I've read post about 7 year ages gaps and stuff, and i have no problem with it. I believe it's the characteristics in a person that make them up, and it shouldnt depend on the age.

Im turning 18 in exactly 1 months time, and.. well.. my girlfriend is 14. Yes she can be a little immature at times, but she is actually quite mature. She is taller than her mum, her 17 year old sister, n is as tall as her dad. Her birthday is in december, which leaves a 3 - 4 month gap where ill be 18 and shes 14.

She is bipolar.. before reading on, if u dont know wat that is, google it. I dont want any unecessary comments made about it. I understand her, she can be every emotional and she cries nearly every day, she can go into a deep depression very easily, and she cannot get out of it. Very few things can help her, and im the main one. Shes happy when she's with me and i'll admit i'm happy when im with her. She self harms quite a bit, but its getting less frequent. Where actually really trying to make it work, we talk alot about our relationship, mainly because she needs reasshuring because of her depression, but because we've broken up 8 times before. This was bak when she didnt know wat she wanted, n we kept taking each other back. Sounds rediculous i know, but weve made it 1 month now. Still doesnt sound like much, but i've seen her nearly every day.

Few differences are that she is still in school, year 9, and i've left school now.... I drive, she doesnt.

Were trying to make it work between us... so i'd rather have replys that are encourging, but still, i'd like to know wat you think as if you were the public view on us... Thx.

(sorry for the long post, wanted to give a bit of background)

Hammy.



Hey I used to be bipolar with a strong tendency for self harm. To tell the truth I still spiral into depression once in a while but few years back I met this amazing girl and she really got me out of my self harm tendencies. Maybe I just needed to feel needed or just to belong. It was like she could understand everything unsaid about me. She later confessed that she too was into the whole self harm thing but had learnt to live and let go and so could relate to what I felt.

I guess bro, all you need to do is be by your girl and really let her feel that even though everything seems dark and gloomy, you'll make it alright for her.
escritor
ddoonie wrote:
Forget public opinion... only u can answer these questions. People may say u are too young now, but if you are still together in 10 years, you'll be 28 and she 24. To me, i can only follow my heart, regardless of where it leads me, as i refuse to live with any regrets...

Yes, forget public opinion like the above quoted, and learn only from the intelligent comments. Silenced
Coen
You should always forget public opinion and do what you think is right, in cases like these that is. It is OK to ask for help but it is more then reccomendable to simply read the comments and use only what you find to be usefull.
escritor
Coen wrote:
You should always forget public opinion and do what you think is right, in cases like these that is. It is OK to ask for help but it is more then reccomendable to simply read the comments and use only what you find to be usefull.

It's kind of a paradox. Should he follow a public opinion that tells him to not follow public opinions? Smile
Klaw 2
As said as you get older the difference gets smaller (By comparing age of course, like 18 and 22). But I don't know a lot about that.

About bipolar well does this is a highly complex situation because people usually don't know what to do. Since whatever you sometimes try may always be wrong. Relations with bipolar people are very fragile.
But I think that you are seeing each other is very good and can shorten the time when she is bipolar. (But this also depends on the amount of times you brake up etc.) And by the way does she take any medicines for that, some people can have a lot less symptoms when taking these/be more stable, but I don't know anything about her so it's better to consult a docter.
I have some knowlage about his but I am not a Porfessional.

O and just of curiosity what kind of bipolar is she?
Coen
escritor wrote:
Coen wrote:
You should always forget public opinion and do what you think is right, in cases like these that is. It is OK to ask for help but it is more then reccomendable to simply read the comments and use only what you find to be usefull.

It's kind of a paradox. Should he follow a public opinion that tells him to not follow public opinions? Smile

I am not telling him to follow the public opinion and that he can forget about it if he doesn't like the public opinion. However, it's never wrong to ask and see if there's anything usefull between the answers of people. That might seem like some kind of paradox but it's still the thing I'd do Shocked
escritor
Note: No need to reply to this post, my nonsense messages have been taking too much space on this thread already and I don't want the moderators to lecture me. Sad

Coen wrote:

I am not telling him to follow the public opinion and that he can forget about it if he doesn't like the public opinion.


I meant that your opinion (a public one) is a advice for not following public opinions. Did you understand the "paradox" now? Smile
Coen
escritor wrote:
Note: No need to reply to this post, my nonsense messages have been taking too much space on this thread already and I don't want the moderators to lecture me. Sad

Coen wrote:

I am not telling him to follow the public opinion and that he can forget about it if he doesn't like the public opinion.


I meant that your opinion (a public one) is a advice for not following public opinions. Did you understand the "paradox" now? Smile

A paradox is something which seems to be a contradiction but which is not. So no, I am not getting your point as you mean that I am contradicting myself but by using the word paradox you mean that it looks like I'm contradicting myself while I'm not.

I've given my opinion anyway, everyone can just see what they do with it.
nivre
for me, age does not matter, me i totally suggest that my partner will be older a little bit by me, or vice versa. Its a matter of communications between. Best relationship comes from good communications, and good communications come from experiences, so its better that in a relationship, one has gathered good experiences to maintain the relationship itself and can give advices to her/his partner about what life is. In this way, the relationship is in a good path and can be better than others. Old sayings says that its better to have different than the same. Experiences of a teenage can be different of an experience of an early adult, so its both enjoying and more interactive to talk about.
RubySlasher
Anything can work if you work hard enough at it.

In this kind of relationship, though, you're going to have to give all of yourself.
I wish you luck in keeping up your endurance. Make sure you don't go crazy by getting yourself a personal psychiatrist, you're in for a long one.
j0yfuln0is3
Well, can I firstly say that you are an amazing person to be able to support her considering the fact that her emotions are constantly up and down. I honestly wish there were more guys like you in the world.


She may be mature now, and I can trust you on that. The issue is that although a 4 year age gap is completely socially acceptable when you're older, it just doesn't work that way in your teens because of the very rapid "growth" that people go through. When I mean growth, I mean both physical and mental.

Physically, she may look younger or older than 14. This will obviously affect people's judgement of your relationship. However, more important is the other aspect of growth. Mentally, she may grow, develop, and change. She is still not the same person she will be in 5 years time. My only hope for you is that in 5 years time you love here even more.

Good luck!
Satori
I mean absolutely no offense with my following comments...they are just my personal opinion.

First of all...when you turn 18, your relationship falls into a gray area. If the two of you are having sex, once you turn 18, that becomes statutory rape. Not something I'd personally think was worth dealing with....you may disagree.

I know that you may think this girl is the girl for you and that you're in love...and I'm not one to tell you otherwise. But in my experience, at your age, there are lots of times you find yourself "in love" with a girl. 5 or more years from now, you'll likely look back and realize that wasn't really the case...again, this is me speaking from my own experience. Yours may be different.

Also, from reading your description of this girl, I see *way* too many "red flags." Age is meaningless...but refer to my first point, as when you're young, legality makes age quite important. That's a red flag...you don't want to go to jail for this girl...trust me! She's depressed...red flag. She hurts herself, red flag. She doesn't know what she wants, red flag. The two of you broke up and got back togther *way* too many times...red flag. These aren't what I would call desirable characteristics. You should consider setting some standards for yourself (which I realize isn't easy when you're 18 with all kinds of hormones racing around inside you.)

Basically, all I'm trying to say is that there are tons of girls out there. I realize you have feelings for her and that's not something to ignore...but someday you'll realize (hopefully sooner than later) that there are all sorts of possibilities available to you, and that the ones that will bring you the most happiness are the ones that have within themselves the most happiness. Maybe in 5 years, this girl will be happy...who knows. But trust me...a girl who is happy on her own accord will make a much better girlfriend than one who relies on you to be happy. The same goes for you as well...find happiness within first and then find someone else who's happy and be happy together.

Just my opinions...hope you find something useful in them Smile
mike_phi
Age is not an issue as long as both parties are within the leagal limits, I think no matter what the age two parties can have a relationship.

I thin the age gap plays a bigger role when one thinks "what would other people think about this", when in essence you have a perfectly healthy relationship together.

good luck I hope everything works out for you

cheers
TiffanyTerrorXO
Hmm.
I've been in this situation.
no i haven't dated anyone younger than me.
I'm all ways the young one.
I've been in this situation twice.

The first time, the guy was eighteen and i was fifteen..
but he really didn't care about me, he just wanted so get laid,
plus my parents didn't like him so we had to break up or my parents could turn him in.

And the second time, well the situation I'm in now.
the guy I'm with is absolutely amazing, i couldn't ask for anyone better.
and my parents actually approve this time.

{so i guess if you really love her and she loves you then you should stay together.
and make sure her parents actually like you so they cant be stupid like mine.
and i suggest you don't get really physical unless your willing to pay the consequences.}
mike_phi
I think we are lucky to get the other side to this story some input from TiffanyTerrorXO maybe help overcome this issue wen it comes to dating younger ++ girls.

anyway wish you all the best of luck cheers
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