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shy guy





ohene
Well am a shy guy even though i hang aroung with guys who are into many girls i just don't feel like approaching any girl because any i try is like am not doing the right thing .What do girls really want in a guy? and what is the best way a guy can approach a girl? and what are the things to say?
LukeakaDanish
I really recommend http://www.doubleyourdating.com/ a site by David deAngelo who is a picking up woman expert!

- his tips are about stuff that EVERYONE can learn, however let me summarize some of his stuff to help you:

  • Stop being shy. Sounds hard, is easy! When you see a hot chick, walk over and start talking to her - think about it: what can go wrong? Even if she is a bitch and "kick's your butt" so to speak, you'll probably laugh at it with your friends later Smile
  • Stop being a wuss. Woman HATE shy, defensive, apologetic, pathetic guys who don't "challenge" them. The main technique you gotta learn is how to be "cocky but funny" - basically you gotta be a complete smart-ass to her - dont compliment her - instead of saying "what a nice dress", say: "What a peculiar dress...did you inherit that from your grandmom Wink" - if you give her that bad-boy smile, she'll laugh and respond - you've already taken you're first step!
  • Don't give gifts. Don't buy her stuff. Use the money for some cool clothes and take her to starbucks instead of that french restaurant. If you give her gifts she'll know you're compensating and she'll think you're a clingy type guy - the first thing you should ever buy her is a wedding ring. (if you're into that kinda thing)
  • Dont be a nice guy. Srsly. It never worked.

The real list is much longer - check out the link above!

Here is to anybody who doesn't believe me:

I've gone from being a completely shy and wussy type guy who had no girls to being able DECIDE which girl I want to spend my night talking to and talk to her the all night and HAVE FUN - and CHOOSE whether to take it further. Now THAT is unbeatable statistics.
molif
be yourself actually.. that is how i see it paying off. shy guys don't always finish last..
benjmd
LukeakaDanish wrote:
I really recommend http://www.doubleyourdating.com/ a site by David deAngelo who is a picking up woman expert! ... Now THAT is unbeatable statistics.


It depends what you want. This DeAngelo guy apparently wants shallow relationships where the girl in question is made to be interested in a one-night stand or a hot fling. If that's all you want, then you can play that game just like the other people that want that and it'll work out for you.

I, however, would never listen to someone that tells you not to be a nice guy. I mean come on, from a "how do you live with yourself" standpoint, how can you justify not being a nice person? I'm not just talking about love or sex, but as a human being you have an obligation to yourself and to others to try to be a nice, kind, caring person.

REAL women--the ones looking for a real relationship--hate cocky men. They've dated cocky men and know they are intriguing but when things start to develop, the cocky men turn into guys that are just jerks. There is a huge difference between being confident and cocky. You should first learn to like yourself. A person who is satisfied with themselves and other aspects of their life will be someone who lots of people can consider to have something to offer, and thus will be attractive to women. Stop thinking about what is wrong with you and start thinking about what things make you special or what things inspire you. Embrace those things. Confidence means not worrying about your faults and embracing your successes.

Some women do like shy guys. The problem is, if you're so shy that you never talk to the girl, how is she supposed to know she likes you? So how do you talk to the girl. She's sooo darn beautiful. She could have any guy here. Why would she be interested in me? I don't make as much as that guy over there in the expensive suit. I'm not as ripped as that huge guy near the bar. And I know I'm not as good-looking as that guy she was talking to earlier. What if I can't make her laugh?

STOP.

First, ALL women you are interested in approaching will be attractive to you, just by definition. If their attractiveness is going to stop you, then you'll never talk to another woman. Clearly, it's not an effective mindset. So stop it. What about those other guys? Well, what about them? That ripped guy has no time for anyone because he spends 12/hrs per day in the gym. That good looking guy already decided he was too good for your girl of interest because she didn't seem like the type to put out tonight. The rich guy actually has a freakishly hairy back that scares most women off and yet he won't pay for a nice waxing. The point is, stories are all much more complicated than you know. The ONLY thing that matters is this:

If you like you and you are interested in talking to her, then you can be a nice, confident guy and go up and say, "Hello, I'm _____." Offer to buy her a drink, comment on something she's reading or wearing or doing. But just make it clear you'd like to chat. If she's not busy and she's a decent person, she'll talk to you. And then just talk. You've done that since you were about one. Before that you babbled. Several times during your early years many people thought you talked a bit too much. But all in all, you learned how to talk, how to express your interests, and how to inquire about others' interests. That's all you have to do.
bartdou
3 BeS TO CHASE A GIRL:
1. Be brave
2. Be considerate
3. Be brazenfaced
molif
bartdou wrote:
3 BeS TO CHASE A GIRL:
1. Be brave
2. Be considerate
3. Be brazenfaced


agreed!! and be skin thick too, not afraid of rejection...
bongoman
A few things I can recommend:

Be Confident: don't slouch, stand up straight, make eye contact with who you are interested in (but don't stare)

Be Yourself: women hate phonies so don't pretend to be someone you aren't eventually they'll figure it out if you don't act like you really are.[/list]
Azmo
benjmd wrote:

If you like you and you are interested in talking to her, then you can be a nice, confident guy and go up and say, "Hello, I'm _____." Offer to buy her a drink, comment on something she's reading or wearing or doing.


noooo don't do that.. first of all, it's so cliché!, second, it don't make you look good!, be fun, be far away but in the same time, be close, make her go after you, girls like to play, seriously, a girl can easily get a guy when she is out, you must give her a reason to pick you, and buying her a drink? do you want her drunk? trust me, talk, be funny, and don't talk about yourself, but be funny about yourself, if she got friends with her, talk to them too, if they don't like you, you are out of the question. First contact should be realy short, just an ice breaker.. this one kinda always works..

"Hi, I'm on my way over to my friends over there, but I just wanted to ask you, we have been discusting weather girls or boys lies most, what do you think?"

Wait for her to answer, thank her and smile, and be on your way.. that will open a whole new level for you. Eye contact far away, next time you are close to her, ask a new question, like if she's having fun tonight, or how she's doing, have a little longer conversation, talk loud, don't yell in her ear.. and so on.. got alot of tips that have never failed for me.. Smile
vanille
Talk to girls like you would to your friends. (Assuming that you talk to your friends like an average, reasonable person) Just be friendly and don't show that you're nervous. In fact, don't be nervous. Very Happy There's really no reason to be shy around girls because they're normal people and are nice too. (usually) Good luck.
supjapscrapper
molif wrote:
be yourself actually.. that is how i see it paying off. shy guys don't always finish last..


hmmmmmmm ... I am myself an adept of cocky and funny ... and believe me ... intelligent girls r girls who make the effort of looking deeper into a guy and find what he's really about .... it is just in your dreams ... shy guys will not even take a chance if they have one .. I am a former VERY VERY shy guy... That's why I stopped being imprssed by the looks of a girl a long time ago and started getting intersted in what the girl has in her mind, really, if she's intelligent and funny, and you can talk ti her for hours without feeling bored, that's it, I take my chance Very Happy for the pussies I just bring on ma cocky and funny game and ignore them as soon as I know what they're really about, which is looks and superficiality ... And the topic is looooooooooooooong Very Happy
molif
i guess sometimes it works... the shy guy attitude. seen some make it happen, but eventually they will have to come out of their shell..
Hobbit
Azmo wrote:
benjmd wrote:

If you like you and you are interested in talking to her, then you can be a nice, confident guy and go up and say, "Hello, I'm _____." Offer to buy her a drink, comment on something she's reading or wearing or doing.


noooo don't do that.. first of all, it's so cliché!, second, it don't make you look good!, be fun, be far away but in the same time, be close, make her go after you, girls like to play, seriously, a girl can easily get a guy when she is out, you must give her a reason to pick you, and buying her a drink? do you want her drunk? trust me, talk, be funny, and don't talk about yourself, but be funny about yourself, if she got friends with her, talk to them too, if they don't like you, you are out of the question. First contact should be realy short, just an ice breaker.. this one kinda always works..

"Hi, I'm on my way over to my friends over there, but I just wanted to ask you, we have been discusting weather girls or boys lies most, what do you think?"

Wait for her to answer, thank her and smile, and be on your way.. that will open a whole new level for you. Eye contact far away, next time you are close to her, ask a new question, like if she's having fun tonight, or how she's doing, have a little longer conversation, talk loud, don't yell in her ear.. and so on.. got alot of tips that have never failed for me.. Smile


I agree. My friend is actually a "girl expert" and he told me to never approach a girl by saying "Hi my name is *insert name here*. Just compliment her, preferably one of her belongings because if you say she has a nice smile, she might think you want a relationship or want to do her. If you say "nice shoes, where'd you get them?", she will think you want to start a normal conversation and she won't be so nervous or shy (yes, some girls get like that).
Da Rossa
ohene wrote:
Well am a shy guy even though i hang aroung with guys who are into many girls i just don't feel like approaching any girl because any i try is like am not doing the right thing .What do girls really want in a guy? and what is the best way a guy can approach a girl? and what are the things to say?


It's even more dangerous for you to be asking this kind of vague question. Women may seek A LOT O THINGS in the guys. But some properties may be statistically more important. Not in the order, I have no competence to say which one is the most important one, but:

- Attitude: believe me: a man in a Ferrari may cause a lower impression than a man that arrives in his ordinary car, but secure about himself, smiling to the people, with the head risen and looking straight ahead. If you come looking to the ground then they'll think you're a loser.

- Personality: be the one you really are. Do not let the GIIF (group-individual identity fusion) affect you. You cannot behave in a way when you're in a group and be shy or more aggressive when you're alone with someone. You must make it clear about the things you like, the things you want, the things you DON'T like and the ideas you support. However, the first approach may not be the correct time to defend ALL of your ideas, and never be fervent at this point.

- You have to care about your sexual marketing. Yeah, even if you have to lie. There are many men around, and, unfortunately, it's the women who make the rules. A slight distortion in yourself about her preferences and she may dump you for another. Therefore, evidently you'll never say that you have bad performance. Just say that you have your OWN way of doing things.

- Money: yeah, they seek it. That awful, but it's the truth. It's also scientifically proved that they have sexual preference for the wealthier ones.

- Good appearance: if you can't get dressed properly, ask a specialist. It WILL help you.

======

These were for the appoach. When she knows you, you activate the good and noble character. And NEVER CHEAT.
frozenhead
Wow! I think Da Rossa have a lot of good points there so put that on your list if your taking a note. Lol. Anyway, just to add up, being yourself and having confidence on what you are still the a good way of finding a decent girl for you. Well, and also try to connect or talk with girls for sometime because you can't find out what do they like if you don't even dare to talk with them in the first place but don't over do it. Have confidence, be yourself and don't be afraid to make mistakes because it a part of it.

TIP: Being a "nice guy" or a gentleman works for most of the girls, believe me. Wink
brilliantbeauty
Okay, while personally I like very self-assured and confident guys, many of my friends (who are far pleasanter people than I) really like shy guys. And many girls are willing tomake the first move, so dont be afraid to take it. If you can muster up the courage to go ask a girl, many many would be impressed by what I have heard called "that certain shy charm"

Also, what I hate more than anything in a guy is trying to affect someone they're not. If you're shy, don't pretend to be a brazenly confident guy, as you just come off as a cocky prat. The greatest attraction is to be comfortable enough in your own skin.
creezalird
shy or not is not the main problem...maybe ur girl just don't show up yet..just wait and have faith...everyone is destined to be with their loved ones
Tokakamre
Well... i think that you just have to be yourself. No need to explain. And, you know, you need to wait. After some time there will be some girl that will like you fo you.
all4me
i used to be shy myself i mean really shy. i coundn't chat with ladies and when they are close to me i can never say any thing that feels right to me, i ended up having no lady friends.
I stopped being shy by choice i wanted to gain myself that free flowing, intresting man that every lady wants to talk to.
YOu know what i succeded that was 7 years back,now guys are even afriad to let me be in a room alone with thier lady not cause they don;t trust me no not that it's cause they don't trust thier lady.

Most of my guys love me being in a room with thier ladies cause ths days it's never a boring moment when i'm with them
How did i do it, PURE DETERMINATION, it's not that easy but i knew what i wanted and i worked towards it. i started going to places where i was to shy to go too.THat s was to build up my confidence and it helpedI read lots of novels also and magazines most ladies do this also so when iwas with them i talk about novels, slowing i was geting free with them and now you can jsut get.
mike_phi
Its simple, spend some time by yourself and find out who you are,
once you have this sorted out approach the girl you like and present the person you think you truely are,

I think the key is to be a little brave and daring but also to be honest with both yourself and the girl, and folling your heart will lead you to be a very happy man : )


cheers
mawfia
In regards to the above post it maybe the fact that he is spending too much time alone that contributes to the problem. He should spend time with his female friends and figure out what they look for in a guy then he can get a general idea of what is going on.

It also depends on where you attempt to initiate conversation. Some places are more appropriate than others...not to say that you shouldn't take a chance if you really feel a connection. Just do not be surprised if you get more negative feed back at say Bar, club, etc.
benjmd
Hobbit wrote:
Azmo wrote:
benjmd wrote:

If you like you and you are interested in talking to her, then you can be a nice, confident guy and go up and say, "Hello, I'm _____." Offer to buy her a drink, comment on something she's reading or wearing or doing.


noooo don't do that.. first of all, it's so cliché!, second, it don't make you look good!, be fun, be far away but in the same time, be close, make her go after you, girls like to play, seriously, a girl can easily get a guy when she is out, you must give her a reason to pick you, and buying her a drink? do you want her drunk? trust me, talk, be funny, and don't talk about yourself, but be funny about yourself, if she got friends with her, talk to them too, if they don't like you, you are out of the question. First contact should be realy short, just an ice breaker.. this one kinda always works..

"Hi, I'm on my way over to my friends over there, but I just wanted to ask you, we have been discusting weather girls or boys lies most, what do you think?"

Wait for her to answer, thank her and smile, and be on your way.. that will open a whole new level for you. Eye contact far away, next time you are close to her, ask a new question, like if she's having fun tonight, or how she's doing, have a little longer conversation, talk loud, don't yell in her ear.. and so on.. got alot of tips that have never failed for me.. Smile


I agree. My friend is actually a "girl expert" and he told me to never approach a girl by saying "Hi my name is *insert name here*. Just compliment her, preferably one of her belongings because if you say she has a nice smile, she might think you want a relationship or want to do her. If you say "nice shoes, where'd you get them?", she will think you want to start a normal conversation and she won't be so nervous or shy (yes, some girls get like that).


Well, your "girl expert" friend clearly is not the all-knowing all-powerful being you deem him to be. I have gone up to very beautiful girls and simply said, "Hi, I'm ____" as an intro to conversation and it has worked quite well for me. But clarification is worthwhile here - if you're in a random place where one does not particularly expect to be meeting people, it certainly helps to have more as a conversation starter. And clearly you cannot simply say your name and expect the girl to launch into a deep discourse on the many things that enlighten her life. However, if you're in a place where people are meeting people (a bar, club, social event, etc.), that "Hi, I'm ___" that you use on EVERYONE else is just as appropriate for the girl you think is pretty. It's not perfect. But it's much better than a cheap line or a pale compliment. And it's a great start when the nerves kick in and your mind can't remember anything else.
hk_36
Dude,

just chill.,...

Forget about "Whats gonna happen"... just go upto girl u like... be urself..... and try having a decent conversation..... don't fool urself by thinking that ur doing something wrong..... Be confident.... even if u have to numb urself.... and gradually u'l get better.
KronikSindrome
practise makes perfect! the more you talk to girls the more comfortable
you'll feel doing it. Try having conversations with girls you aren't even
interested in, that will eliminate the whole "attraction nerves" thing and
help you feel more comfortable making eye contact and coming up with
interesting things to talk about. practise practise practise!

and don't be afraid to get shot down, it happens to everyone.
you gotta kiss a lot of frogs before you find your princess. Wink
mike_phi
I tottally agree with KronikSindrome, as you have to practice your personal skills around people to start with and of course around girls, and by practicing with girls you not interested in will get you exposed to female conversation without trying to impress the female, this should make things allot more easier to keep the conversation flowing.

once you have developed some social skills then interacting with a girl you really like should be easy, start of with some totally light weight stuff, just talk to her as you spoke to the other females get comfortable with just chatting and being together then get tacticle Wink


cheers
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