Hi, everyone! I too have a little situation.
Here's my story:
I've dated a few men, but I must admit, I've never really been in a serious relationship before. The guys that I've dated didn't last very long, either because we didn't have much of a connection or because they were the type to play games and I ended up giving them the boot. lol. Well, sometime last year, I met someone through a friend of mine who happens to be a guy too. I thought he was really nice, not to mention good looking, but my friend informed me that he was trying to learn how to speak his girlfriend's native language so that he could do the proper thing by asking her father for her hand. From that day forward, in my eyes, he was off limits.
So time passed and I saw him around (obviously attracted to him) but the word " taboo " would flash before my eyes before I even managed to wave " hello." And when we finally had a decent conversation a while later, to my surprise, we hit it off. I noticed that he was beginning to make these subtle moves, hints if you will, that clearly showed me he was interested. Confused, I thought to myself, " what ever happened to that one girl he was planning to propose to? "
I was dying to know, but I felt it wasn't my place, especially since we were still friends and he didn't come right out and tell me he wanted to take things further. I respected him enough NOT to ask unless he were to officially asked me to be his girl. Then and only then would I make it a point to know.
Slowly by slowly, we made plans to hang out together along with our group of friends and sometimes one on one to get to know each other better. It was always a blast being with him and it did feel very differently from the way I felt when I dated before. It felt ... real. I was more myself, more at ease. Then, finally, one night when we went out to get a bite to eat, he opened up to me about what happened between him and the "mystery woman." He explained that she was the first person he had ever been in a serious relationship with and that the reason why he was planning to marry her was more a feeling of obligation rather than love. His family and hers would get together on their own now and then, and even though he "let go," just the fact that they still interact with each other makes it hard for him to completely break free. And for some reason, even though him and his ex fight more often then they're at peace, she calls him and makes demands whenever she sees fit. Trust me, this guy is one of the sweetest guys I've ever met, and I think it's the good in him that gets him into these kinds of situations. The thing is, why does he feel the need to always answer the phone when she calls? Why can't he just make a stand and not answer?
I'm struggling with the idea that just MAYBE he loves this woman, and even though she fights with him all the time, he can't help but try to please her because he doesn't realize YET that he's still holding on.
He told me that he really enjoys my company, that he always looks forward to spending time with me and that he really does feel a connection when we're together ... that the reason he cares about me is because of that ... and because he can see that I truly care about people ... and look out for everyone ... not just myself ... that I'm sincere.
He said that, whether I believe him or not, he wants me to know that he has in fact let go of her ... but to be fair to me, he wants to keep things on a friendship level until he can completely break ties with her. He said that, in the meantime, if I ever come across someone I'd like to date, that he's open to the idea ... but he said that, once he's able to break away for good, he's hoping I'll consider taking things a step further ...
The thing is, I'm at a point where I'm so afraid things will take a turn for the worse. Maybe this is totally normal, but I'm still nervous about the whole situation. Since then, he hasn't pulled away from me. In fact, he's been very supportive with my school and still makes time throughout the week to take me out for lunch or dinner or ... to go bowling and ... I see this " look " in his eyes ... like his feelings are growing deeper ... Lately, we've been hanging out twice or even 3 times a week even though we're both in college and work part time too. And just this week, I told him that I probably won't be free at all ... because I have so many projects to complete plus mid-terms to study for.
His reply?
"Okay. If you need help or you need a break, let me know" ... he made it clear that he's there for me and that, after the rush of the week has gone by, we can do the things we planned to do.
Am I just paranoid? Am I giving this guy too much credit or am I just afraid because, for the first time, I actually have someone worth holding onto? I don't know, I think I think too much ...
Here's my story:
I've dated a few men, but I must admit, I've never really been in a serious relationship before. The guys that I've dated didn't last very long, either because we didn't have much of a connection or because they were the type to play games and I ended up giving them the boot. lol. Well, sometime last year, I met someone through a friend of mine who happens to be a guy too. I thought he was really nice, not to mention good looking, but my friend informed me that he was trying to learn how to speak his girlfriend's native language so that he could do the proper thing by asking her father for her hand. From that day forward, in my eyes, he was off limits.
So time passed and I saw him around (obviously attracted to him) but the word " taboo " would flash before my eyes before I even managed to wave " hello." And when we finally had a decent conversation a while later, to my surprise, we hit it off. I noticed that he was beginning to make these subtle moves, hints if you will, that clearly showed me he was interested. Confused, I thought to myself, " what ever happened to that one girl he was planning to propose to? "
I was dying to know, but I felt it wasn't my place, especially since we were still friends and he didn't come right out and tell me he wanted to take things further. I respected him enough NOT to ask unless he were to officially asked me to be his girl. Then and only then would I make it a point to know.
Slowly by slowly, we made plans to hang out together along with our group of friends and sometimes one on one to get to know each other better. It was always a blast being with him and it did feel very differently from the way I felt when I dated before. It felt ... real. I was more myself, more at ease. Then, finally, one night when we went out to get a bite to eat, he opened up to me about what happened between him and the "mystery woman." He explained that she was the first person he had ever been in a serious relationship with and that the reason why he was planning to marry her was more a feeling of obligation rather than love. His family and hers would get together on their own now and then, and even though he "let go," just the fact that they still interact with each other makes it hard for him to completely break free. And for some reason, even though him and his ex fight more often then they're at peace, she calls him and makes demands whenever she sees fit. Trust me, this guy is one of the sweetest guys I've ever met, and I think it's the good in him that gets him into these kinds of situations. The thing is, why does he feel the need to always answer the phone when she calls? Why can't he just make a stand and not answer?
I'm struggling with the idea that just MAYBE he loves this woman, and even though she fights with him all the time, he can't help but try to please her because he doesn't realize YET that he's still holding on.
He told me that he really enjoys my company, that he always looks forward to spending time with me and that he really does feel a connection when we're together ... that the reason he cares about me is because of that ... and because he can see that I truly care about people ... and look out for everyone ... not just myself ... that I'm sincere.
He said that, whether I believe him or not, he wants me to know that he has in fact let go of her ... but to be fair to me, he wants to keep things on a friendship level until he can completely break ties with her. He said that, in the meantime, if I ever come across someone I'd like to date, that he's open to the idea ... but he said that, once he's able to break away for good, he's hoping I'll consider taking things a step further ...
The thing is, I'm at a point where I'm so afraid things will take a turn for the worse. Maybe this is totally normal, but I'm still nervous about the whole situation. Since then, he hasn't pulled away from me. In fact, he's been very supportive with my school and still makes time throughout the week to take me out for lunch or dinner or ... to go bowling and ... I see this " look " in his eyes ... like his feelings are growing deeper ... Lately, we've been hanging out twice or even 3 times a week even though we're both in college and work part time too. And just this week, I told him that I probably won't be free at all ... because I have so many projects to complete plus mid-terms to study for.
His reply?
"Okay. If you need help or you need a break, let me know" ... he made it clear that he's there for me and that, after the rush of the week has gone by, we can do the things we planned to do.
Am I just paranoid? Am I giving this guy too much credit or am I just afraid because, for the first time, I actually have someone worth holding onto? I don't know, I think I think too much ...
