FRIHOST FORUMS SEARCH FAQ TOS BLOGS COMPETITIONS
You are invited to Log in or Register a free Frihost Account!


Arranged Marriages





MadeinIndia
I don't know if the concept of arranged marriages is valid in many countries but in India arranged marriage is still a big thing.

An arranged marriage is when two families meet and decide to get their respective children to get married to each other. In most of the cases, the boy meets the girl for just one time and then they decide to get married!!

By the way, in a recent survey in India, I read that Arranged Marriages last long and most love marriages end up in seperations! I was amazed reading this.

Does any of this make any sense to any of you guys? Why do you think that a marriage works when the girl meets boy (vice versa) just once and get married but it still works but whereas when you know your partner for ages and then get married, you end up in a divorce? What's the logic? It should be the other way right?
silvermesh
it works because people who participate in an arranged marriage participate out of a sense of duty, rather than heartfelt emotion, and a sense of duty doesn't just disappear after years go by. your emotion can be cloudy, and you might change your mind, but if emotion had no part in the decision to get married, emotion won't end it either.

this isn't to say that arranged marriages are always happy, it's just that when you get married this way, you aren't necessarily expecting the dream spouse. it's about security and raising children. love is not the primary goal, though it certainly happens in many cases.
genchan
Interesting. First of all, India is not the only place. You can find such practises in Malaysia, Singapore and other countries where you may have minority Indians living abroad. I am not too sure, though, whether its only related to Indian culture and not to other cultures.

Another question is how different is arranged marriages from matchmaking marriages? In my community, I can see quite a lot of matchmaking marriages and some live happily while others don't.

Back to the main question of arranged marriages, I would be very interested to read the survey. Which part of India was the survey carried out, what kind of questions were asked and how arranged marriage was compared to love marriage.

I think if you are living in a community of arranged marriages your whole life and you expect this to be 'the' way of life, then I don't see how it won't work out just like a normal marriage based on love would. It would be interesting to see whether people who don't live in such communities would go for arranged marriages and stay married for a long time. That would be a better survey, I would think.
Sadow
MadeinIndia wrote:
I don't know if the concept of arranged marriages is valid in many countries but in India arranged marriage is still a big thing.

An arranged marriage is when two families meet and decide to get their respective children to get married to each other. In most of the cases, the boy meets the girl for just one time and then they decide to get married!!

By the way, in a recent survey in India, I read that Arranged Marriages last long and most love marriages end up in seperations! I was amazed reading this.

Does any of this make any sense to any of you guys? Why do you think that a marriage works when the girl meets boy (vice versa) just once and get married but it still works but whereas when you know your partner for ages and then get married, you end up in a divorce? What's the logic? It should be the other way right?


Yup, you would expect it would be the other way round. I also heard of this phenomena and I can't explain it. Maybe it's when the parents all are very good friend, they feel their children will probably be very good friends either. If there's another reason why these marriages work, please fill me in. And you're welcome to share your opinion on my view.
Mannix
MadeinIndia wrote:
I don't know if the concept of arranged marriages is valid in many countries but in India arranged marriage is still a big thing.

An arranged marriage is when two families meet and decide to get their respective children to get married to each other. In most of the cases, the boy meets the girl for just one time and then they decide to get married!!

By the way, in a recent survey in India, I read that Arranged Marriages last long and most love marriages end up in seperations! I was amazed reading this.

Does any of this make any sense to any of you guys? Why do you think that a marriage works when the girl meets boy (vice versa) just once and get married but it still works but whereas when you know your partner for ages and then get married, you end up in a divorce? What's the logic? It should be the other way right?


Marriage isn't about love. ...Marriage is about comittment. (At the same time, it doesn't make sense to make a commitment to someone you don't love though.)

I don't know. It does seem to work. ...But at the same time, I'm not sure how genuine some of the committments are in some of the "love marriages".

On the flip side, noone should be "forced" to marry. ...And I worry that an arranged marriage could lead to other infidelity that may not be captured in divorce statistics. ...The nice thing about "love marriages" is that you can actually look for that one-in-a-billion. ...Your parent's don't know the innermost desires of your heart, you know?

...On a side note, if anyone wants to committ to me, I'm single. Wink
ainieas
Mannix wrote:

Marriage isn't about love. ...Marriage is about comittment. (At the same time, it doesn't make sense to make a commitment to someone you don't love though.)


Kinda contradictory, wouldn't you say?

You can't just take the love out of a marriage. If you're commiting to someone without love, that is just an adjustment, nothing more.
twisthigh
I don't know how I would react to an arranged marriage for myself. I hate the fact that my parents have decided my education and what school to go to and such, so I can only imagine how I would take it if they picked my husband for me. But then again, the people in India must be used to it by now, its been like that for a long time, you just deal with it I guess. There's always divorce.
bongoman
Marriage in general is complicated if you think about it. You could say the arranged marriages are more successful than non-arranged ones because its some long standing commitment. But its also a cultural thing too, in India a marriage isn't just about the couple its about binding two families together, so it stands to reason if they don't get along with each other years before the marriage happens then it stands to reason that it won't work out after the two get together. I think some of the problem with non-arranged marriages is that the couples may not have had enough chance to get to know each other through their families which may not necessarily have the same dynamic as if the two were just on their own.
blue77
For me the term arranged marriage is something terrible. Maybe becouse I'm affraid to decide to marrey in the normal way. If this happens to me maybe I will run.
In the arranged marriage everything depends on luck. Some people have it some not. It's important how you act in the formed couple. But you can't play a role who you don't want and don't like for the rest of your life.
HollyK
I would be very angry if my parents forced me into marrying a husband/wife they picked out. Maybe the reason why arranged marriages appear to be happier is just that the couple does not wish to say what would be an implied insult to their parents and tradition? Love cannot be forced, just as a flower cannot be forced to grow to it's mature form in a day. Given care, however, both can grow. Another problem with arranged marriages is what if you end up marrying someone who put on a nice face for your family, but does not respect you and abuses you.
Subsonic Sound
Silvermesh got it right - when there's nothing left in what for want of a better word I'll call a 'normal' marriage, all that's left is a sense of duty and expectation. No emotion.

That's how an arranged marriage STARTS. The couple in a normal marriage would break up at this point, but in an arranged marriage, that's normal.

So yes, arranged marriages probably are more stable than normal marriages. But I have a hard time believing they're more enjoyable.

Bottom line - a normal marriage ends when the couple are no longer in love. An arranged marriage ends when the couple cannot BEAR each others company a moment longer. They START OFF not in love. So of course the rates of divorce are lower, but that doesn't make them better.
molif
i agree that arranged marriages last longer because of the fact that two people got together not for love but commitment. but sometimes these marriages only happen because two families want their children to be together for "family line" sake.
Azmo
I understand it, but can't say I support it for 2 seconds.. but on the same hand, i think it would be good if we mixed the commitment part and the love part.. if people didnt marry only for love.. but also thinking about what would actually work out.. what would be good for both of us.. I think we would get a very good marriage..
Da Rossa
MadeinIndia wrote:
I don't know if the concept of arranged marriages is valid in many countries but in India arranged marriage is still a big thing.

An arranged marriage is when two families meet and decide to get their respective children to get married to each other. In most of the cases, the boy meets the girl for just one time and then they decide to get married!!

By the way, in a recent survey in India, I read that Arranged Marriages last long and most love marriages end up in seperations! I was amazed reading this.

Does any of this make any sense to any of you guys? Why do you think that a marriage works when the girl meets boy (vice versa) just once and get married but it still works but whereas when you know your partner for ages and then get married, you end up in a divorce? What's the logic? It should be the other way right?


Don't be amazed. Those young ones were coerced to get married, with the pressure of the culture and country tradition. Breaking up a marriage in this scenario could raise other problems to the two. That's why they force to like each other. Sometimes it works.

And if the 'free' marriages many times end up in divorces, then why is that? Certainly not because of the "system", it's because of the lack of plans and because the couples don't make enough efforts to stay connected, they choose the easier way out, the separation, putting an end on what could be the happiness for all life.
tijn01
In theory I disagree with arranged marraiges because there is a lack of choice for the two people who end up in the marraige.
But as you state they do work successfully and I think the reason for this is because love isn't about alot of the unatainable things people in the west are searching for when they look for love. Love grows with time and effort and I think this is easier to accept in a situation like an arranged marraige as opposed to a fancy wedding to someone you have searched for and momentarily staisfies your emotional and physical needs.
wise
I find arranged marriage totally out of the box. You do not have your own choice. That's a neg for me. It was mentioned that love marriage does not long last. I think it is because, we cannot commit ourselves to it. If we love truly, we would never want to hurt the one we love. If it is truly love, we would always do our max to keep each other happy and this would make both husband and wife happy.

Arranged marriage is just like being forced into it. There are some people who are weak and just is ok with it, when it is not really ok. Just a sense of duty.... huh.
Pikokola
well...

love without marriage like a cook without fire
marriage without love... like a burger without the bread

but... some peoples said that... love can be born from marriage...
but lots people married because of love

arranged marriage is not a big thing if they love each other...
it's become complicated if in one side, they dislike each other or they already had their own dreams about their wive/housband

but... arranged marriage sometimes can be a solution for some people which had a problems to create a relationship

in some way I had positive point for arrange marriage, but in other side, maybe it's s**k
HollyK
I really feel that arranged marriages are not a good idea. Maybe the reason why the arranged marriages stay together is that the families involved are more traditional, and divorce is a taboo and stigma? I really think marriage should be two people who love each other enough to make a commitment to each other.
Divorce is not good, but that's like an ejection seat in a jet. If the relationship crumbles (possibly to the point of domestic violence), then it may be necessary to "eject" from the burning wreckage. Many pilots have been killed because they rode with the plane too long, thinking they could land it.
ashish2005
I live very close to India and the situation is same here in Nepal as well. Love marriages fail a lot. I guess that there are very few successful love and then love marriages. I have met a lot of adults who claim that love marriage was not the right decision for them and they should have listened to their parents and went for arrange marriage. I used to think that they were stupid until my own love failed.

So I think that now arrange marriage rocks. It will probably be life long and it won't be hard at all. Our parents will find me a girl and I do not have to worry about anything.

Marriage without love might be a cook without a fire or a burger without a bread but we can fall in love with our wife after our marriage you know.
missdixy
silvermesh wrote:
it works because people who participate in an arranged marriage participate out of a sense of duty, rather than heartfelt emotion, and a sense of duty doesn't just disappear after years go by. your emotion can be cloudy, and you might change your mind, but if emotion had no part in the decision to get married, emotion won't end it either..


I could not have put it better myself.
Related topics
What's Love All About Anyway
Want to know if LOVE is real?
bangladesh to crub 'free midnight calls' to protect morals
How Fast is Too Fast?
Spark or compatibility?
What is love?
Most peaceful religion
do you like your girl friend?
"Its not natural." And that makes it bad?
Do you value marriage?
wat do ppl have against islam???
love marriage v/s arranged marriage
Still How many days women will wait for justice ???
Anyone against arranged marriages?
Reply to topic    Frihost Forum Index -> Lifestyle and News -> Relationships

FRIHOST HOME | FAQ | TOS | ABOUT US | CONTACT US | SITE MAP
© 2005-2011 Frihost, forums powered by phpBB.