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drunk





blackrose
I have a friend who uses his actions to tell someone how he feels instead of saying them. Except when he gets drunk he's more open to me. When he's sober he doesn't really know how to tell a girl how he feels. How do i open him up?
the_mariska
Well, I don't really think so. Of course, it's easier to reveal your feelings when you're drunk, as you have no barriers then. But far much often a drunk guy simply wants to have sex, and it has nothing to do with any kind of feelings. Even, the more drunk he is, the less he cares about whether he likes this girl or not. Of course, not all of the guys react this way, but many of those I know do exactly like this....

PS. Condolence for your bf. Cool
slasonic
Maybe this is crap advice, but if he isn't an alcoholic, maybe you could get him drunk a few times around you. Heck, if he starts puking and you're accepting, he might be more willing to open up.

It's tough to do what you're trying to do, honestly.

Have you asked him about his feelings? Sometimes the only time a guy knows his own feelings very well is when he's liquored up. Likely you'll get an ambiguous answer when you ask him about his feelings. However, if you find something he is really attached to and then attack it, you'll likely get some emotion, which is a start. If you really want to make a man like you, do this: Find something he likes, then attack it, then when he defends it, really listen to him without getting defensive and become more understanding. This is sexy. I know this may be dishonest, but trust me, it works.

But back to the original point, I highly doubt he even knows his own feelings. Does this make sense?

Steve
seanooi
what i did was open up myself to my wife first, make her feel easy talking to me. It took quite some time before she started to talk to me about her feelings, but it was well worth the wait. Now i just feel that i know her more better than before.
imera
I like the advice form seanooi, it's just as I would say.
I would say do not preasure him to tell you, he will then close most of the ways to tell you anything, that is what I would mostly do Razz I never open up to people that is nagging me to open up and tell them stuff. I open up to people I trust and care about.
So if you two are more than friends, or really good friends then just be patient, try to ask him things like his childhood, or what he likes to eat and so on, just let him open up and trust you, even if it''s just small things yet.
Sadow
blackrose wrote:
I have a friend who uses his actions to tell someone how he feels instead of saying them. Except when he gets drunk he's more open to me. When he's sober he doesn't really know how to tell a girl how he feels. How do i open him up?


I think you should just talk to him about it, maybe even when he's drunk. Let him know this works far better for you (but don't let him be drunk all the time of course Laughing ) Ask him if he knows the reason for not telling how he feels, and maybe there isn't even a reason and he's just not that kind of person. That's just my 2 cents.
slasonic
Yes, I agree. Telling him is definitely important. Heck you could see if he wants to go to counseling. Even if it is just for one time, it is still interesting and only costs $35 w/ insurance. However, most of them will probably suggest he go on some kind of drug. screw that.

Have you talked to him about it?
bmxgv04
get him drunk again.,.,


blackrose wrote:
I have a friend who uses his actions to tell someone how he feels instead of saying them. Except when he gets drunk he's more open to me. When he's sober he doesn't really know how to tell a girl how he feels. How do i open him up?
urbanbuddha
Even if he is being more "honest" and open about his feelings while he is drunk, it does not neccessarily mean that he wants these feelings to be said. I don't think getting him drunk again is the right answer, because he may not be ready to expose his feelings or even ready to act upon them and you would only be forcing him. I hope that makes sense.

I think the best way to handle the situation is to make him explicitly aware that you are genuinely interested in hearing what he has to say. He may not want to open up because it will leave him vulnerable, so the first step is to make it known that you will play a supportive role in his life. Let him open up to you out of his own will.
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