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Bit of a problem....





Heart Ticket
Well just recently i've been going through a lot at school (bullying and name calling) And theres been that one girl who sticks up for me and is there for me.
anyway i'm gonna cut straight to the problem, I'm going out with her but im not sure i really do have feelings for her though and i really wouldn't want to lose her as a friend... what should i do?

Just any little advice helps, Thanks

James
jipmerite
If you don't have feelings for her then why are you going out with her in the first place? To get into her pants?

First of all, next time, don't start going out with some girl just to be going out with some girl. Don't bring yourself into this situation. Some people think that this is as simple as opening a beer can. It's not and it's not just about you. It involves another person too. So be a decent human being first.

In this particular case, you need to find out how serious that girl is about this relationship first. Maybe she isn't fool enough to actually think you are worth all that much. Maybe she is just as immature as you.

You could try distancing yourself from her over a bit of time so that the blow isn't as hard as it could be. If you are brave enough to do it, you could try having a frank, straight forward conversation with her and let her know it's not working for you. Probably she would be heart broken. But it won't take long to get over someone like you anyway. She'll realise she's got better things coming her way and after some time, be glad she's free from you.
Heart Ticket
jipmerite wrote:
If you don't have feelings for her then why are you going out with her in the first place? To get into her pants?

First of all, next time, don't start going out with some girl just to be going out with some girl. Don't bring yourself into this situation. Some people think that this is as simple as opening a beer can. It's not and it's not just about you. It involves another person too. So be a decent human being first.

In this particular case, you need to find out how serious that girl is about this relationship first. Maybe she isn't fool enough to actually think you are worth all that much. Maybe she is just as immature as you.

You could try distancing yourself from her over a bit of time so that the blow isn't as hard as it could be. If you are brave enough to do it, you could try having a frank, straight forward conversation with her and let her know it's not working for you. Probably she would be heart broken. But it won't take long to get over someone like you anyway. She'll realise she's got better things coming her way and after some time, be glad she's free from you.


Thanks for your opinion... but im 13 im being bullied all the time my life is miserable 90% of the time. I guess at the start i thought i felt something because she is my only friend and now im just confused i think i will have to distance my self from her for just a bit till i get my head straight. Thanks for your help i really appreciate your opinion (no i didn't want to get into her pants, that sort of stuff don't bother me)

O and i love your encouragement
Quote:
But it won't take long to get over someone like you anyway
and
Quote:
She'll realise she's got better things coming her way
....

James
Azmo
well give it a try.. you have nothing to lose, and once you are on your own just talking you might discover that you have feelings for her.. and if you don't.. well atleast you had a good time.. you are 13-years-old nothing to worry about m8.. sry if I'm rude, but it's not likeley that you will spend the rest of your lifes together so no reason to hesitate.. and besides, it will prob help you to think of something else then school for a few hours..

and a tip to help you get rid of the bullying.. I know this is hard.. but be strong! try smiling as much as possible, you know, it's only fun to pick on someone as long as they show that take offence from it.. try to smile, be with your friend.. try not to run away, try to stay with other people.. in the same area.. when they see that you don't take any offence it's a big chance that they stop this shit.. could also be that you get beten up.. small chance tho.. and only shows how weak they are.. but be yourself, try to look happy.. even if you feel misserable... and dont mind others buisniess... I dunno why the pick on you, if you done something or if it just happend to be you.. but stay strong and give them no reason to say anything..

or, learn how to fight and kick the shit out of them.. not as political as the first option but kinda fun ^^ Smile

GL with everything m8!
Heart Ticket
Azmo wrote:
well give it a try.. you have nothing to lose, and once you are on your own just talking you might discover that you have feelings for her.. and if you don't.. well atleast you had a good time.. you are 13-years-old nothing to worry about m8.. sry if I'm rude, but it's not likeley that you will spend the rest of your lifes together so no reason to hesitate.. and besides, it will prob help you to think of something else then school for a few hours..

and a tip to help you get rid of the bullying.. I know this is hard.. but be strong! try smiling as much as possible, you know, it's only fun to pick on someone as long as they show that take offence from it.. try to smile, be with your friend.. try not to run away, try to stay with other people.. in the same area.. when they see that you don't take any offence it's a big chance that they stop this shit.. could also be that you get beten up.. small chance tho.. and only shows how weak they are.. but be yourself, try to look happy.. even if you feel misserable... and dont mind others buisniess... I dunno why the pick on you, if you done something or if it just happend to be you.. but stay strong and give them no reason to say anything..

or, learn how to fight and kick the shit out of them.. not as political as the first option but kinda fun ^^ Smile

GL with everything m8!


Thanks so much for your advice, I'll give it all a go in a week or so after the holidays. Thanks again for not being so offensive like some one else we know *not pointing fingers*.
I really owe you all alot.


Warm Regards,
James
ThornsOfSorrow
Personally, whether or not you're young, I think you should be honest with this girl. If she's only in the relationship for fun and doesn't expect a serious commitment, then that's fine if you're not sure you want to be with her, but if she really likes you, then that's different. In the second case, you may want to tell her that you jumped into the relationship too fast and that you'd like to be friends, rather than boyfriend/girlfriend. You'd risk losing her as a friend if you do this, but I think it's better if you say it now than if you wait a long time before you break off the relationship. Then again, I obviously don't know this girl, so you can probably guess her reaction better than I can. Therefore, if you take my advice, make sure you really think about it first.

As far as the bullying, I used to get made fun of all of time when I was younger, and Azmo is right; you just need to act like you don't care. I used to get very upset, but eventually when people would say something mean to me I'd reply very calmly, saying something like, "Well, that's fine if you think that way; you're certainly entitled to your own opinion". Sometimes people would get mad that they couldn't bother me anymore (which was very satisfying for me), but I would still stay very calm, even when they were yelling and trying to have an argument over some pointless nonsense. I once had a group of people standing around watching until the bullies walked away, and they ended up congratulating me, saying that they were amazed that I didn't lose my temper. Anyway, I don't get bullied anymore, so it really does work! What people say about bullies being insecure about themselves is really true, so remember that and try not to let them bother you. Good luck, with both the girl and the bullying!
RubySlasher
Tell her that you're not a man yet. And take some karate classes.
Heart Ticket
ThornsOfSorrow wrote:
Personally, whether or not you're young, I think you should be honest with this girl. If she's only in the relationship for fun and doesn't expect a serious commitment, then that's fine if you're not sure you want to be with her, but if she really likes you, then that's different. In the second case, you may want to tell her that you jumped into the relationship too fast and that you'd like to be friends, rather than boyfriend/girlfriend. You'd risk losing her as a friend if you do this, but I think it's better if you say it now than if you wait a long time before you break off the relationship. Then again, I obviously don't know this girl, so you can probably guess her reaction better than I can. Therefore, if you take my advice, make sure you really think about it first.

As far as the bullying, I used to get made fun of all of time when I was younger, and Azmo is right; you just need to act like you don't care. I used to get very upset, but eventually when people would say something mean to me I'd reply very calmly, saying something like, "Well, that's fine if you think that way; you're certainly entitled to your own opinion". Sometimes people would get mad that they couldn't bother me anymore (which was very satisfying for me), but I would still stay very calm, even when they were yelling and trying to have an argument over some pointless nonsense. I once had a group of people standing around watching until the bullies walked away, and they ended up congratulating me, saying that they were amazed that I didn't lose my temper. Anyway, I don't get bullied anymore, so it really does work! What people say about bullies being insecure about themselves is really true, so remember that and try not to let them bother you. Good luck, with both the girl and the bullying!

RubySlasher wrote:
Tell her that you're not a man yet. And take some karate classes.


ThornsOfSorrow, Thanks ill certainly give it a try.Smile
RubySlasher, Probably not take your advice because martial arts is really a no go (tried it before).

Thank you all for trying to help me ill give it all a try after the easter holidays Wish me luck!

James
[/quote]
TribalArt
My advice, make a go of things, but don't be too romantic, just go out and have some fun.

See where it takes you.

You'll notice signs if she has real feelings for you, just think about you and the girl...
bassman
Honesty is supposed to be the key to any relationship- friend or dating. If you don't have that honesty, then there will be more problems later. If you really care about this girl and want to keep her friendship, don't let the dates go further, but be sure she understands you truly care about her and really want to maintain her friendship. Women are not vicious and if you have a good, serious conversation with her, she should understand.
blue77
just continue to go out with her.
girls on this age don't thing mainly about sex.
if you just go out with her and do nothing, the worst thing that can happends is maybe a kiss. And it does not meen much. So, relax
frozenhead
Well, I'll agree to some of the guys here. Just go out with her but be honest to your feelings. Enjoy the moments your with her and you'll be enlighten what really your feelings towards her sooner or later.
Heart Ticket
frozenhead wrote:
Well, I'll agree to some of the guys here. Just go out with her but be honest to your feelings. Enjoy the moments your with her and you'll be enlighten what really your feelings towards her sooner or later.


Thank you for your advice I'm still waiting to contact her... contact was cut off seeing as she is on holiday and im stuck at home for the easter..

James
Simulator
Give it time, thats all you need, thats all everything needs, trust me, you'll find what you're looking for soon enough...
greenwoodmonkey
I say you should be honest with her and tell her how you feel, if she is a good a friend as you say she will still stand by you..

I'm sorry that you are being bullied, but going out with a girl that protects you from the bullies is not the solution to the problem, you need "bigger" help in the form of teachers, parents and your peers.

Someone has suggested that you are not a man, and yes while they are are right in the sense that you are only 13, I think it was a flippant remark that does nothing to solve your situation.

You need to speak to someone about this that you can trust and meet the bullies head on via those already suggested.

The suggestion of taking up a hobby such as a karate is a good one, may be a solution as well but not in the way you are thinking. It might seem like a nice idea to kick someone's ass that has been bulling you, but I think the real result will be that it will give you the confidence to approach those that are bulling you and tell them that you are no longer prepared to stand for it. Hitting back may lead to bigger repercussions than you are already facing.

Good luck with sorting this one out. Feel free to let us all know how it pans out.
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