Would you be upset over this one too?

babyelvi

Hi,

I have a happy marriage. My husband is my best friend and I am his, so I thought. It turns out he's been in touch with an old friend of his (female friend) and he never told me much about it. I noticed that when he is on the computer and I get in the room that he quickly closes the windows and I got curious. Would you? I mean we are best friends, what are you hidding? I confronted him and he avoided the answer. Plus he is very affectionate to me, so I let it go.

Anyway, fast forward I got into his internet based email by accident and saw a letter from her. I couldn't help it. I read it. The letter was a response from his letter where he is accpeting her invitation to swim and barbicue in the summer of which I knew nothing about! Plus she is informing him that she just broke off with her live in boyfriend. They've been talking a lot obviously! I searched through his sent items and there were a lot of emails from long time but not a one email sent to her. He deleted it. I don't get it.

Anyway, I confronted him and he called me nosy and jealous. I asked why secrecy and he mentioned that he needed some privacy. I know it is healthy in a realtionship to have some privacy but if he had told me anything about her, I would not have been so curious.

I don't think I am jealous for the reasons he may think, I am jealous because he is rekindling the friendship with someone from the past and I am not included. Is he talking about me, does she know I exist, is she now hanging onto him as a possibility for future (she's been trough a lot in life and she may be vulnerable), are they are going to meet in person finally after that many years behind my back or he will tell me about it, all these things are bothering me...even though I know he would not cheat on me...I think he really loves me, but I am very upset over this.

Honestly, what do you think about this?

SyncM

I often kidding with my fiance that day i start to hide things for her she should be suspicious. If you two have a good relationship why should he hide. If they only talk about cooking what do they need to hide. Its only a bad try to hide from him ,to call you jealous. YOU DO NOTHING WRONG. Of curse you should be jealous what else, how should he fell if you start to talk to a man? I often say if a man need a friend he talk to other men's and do mans things not a girl. of course it is exceptions but not so often and then the man don't hide anything from wife.

Put he agains the wall ask whate f***k he do if he dont answer, explain that you fell hurt when he go behind your back either he show you what they talk about or he stop talking to her. Stand strong

babyelvi

Thank you for your answer. I am really upset over this one. We have been married 5 years and I have never felt like this before. It is like I am losing my best friend. In the past I would've never ask this question anyone person to person or on line, because anything that bothered me I would be able to disccuss with him. This one is tough.

Anyone else? Please be honest. I appreciate it.

sanwixh

Trust and Communication are a few of the most important aspects of a relationship. Secrecy means that somethings up and you should be on your guard. If there's nothing there then he should be able to talk to you about it, be sure to get to the root of it before something worse happens, ask but don't nag. (nagging will only worsen your problems) you are his best friend and his wife, so you should know him best by now. Just be careful about your choice of words and actions so as not to provoke a fight.

Azmo

I would ofc be upset, but I dont wanna throw a rock in a glass house.. I know I "hide" things too.. not because I mean to hide them from my love, it just happens anyways.. and it's never a big deal.. not cheating or anything.. and when she finds out and asks me about it, I never have a good answer, I just dont know.. it's a reflex.. might be that I think she would be angry if I told her.. in the past she was very jelaous, it was impossible for me to even talk with my friends (girls) without having her asking alot of questions.. it's not like that anymore.. but it might still be on my mind.. it's completley harmless, but you hide it without thinking about it since you are not 100% sure how your partner would react on such a thing.. and sometimes you are just having a private duscussion about something.. you need to talk with someone that's not your partner for a few minutes.. so you tab down when your partner enters the room.. not talking any secrets.. just need to keep in touch and get a few answers from someone from outside the relationship..

I would not worry that much... If you are best friends maybe you shoul thrust him on thisone.. don't ask him alot of questions.. just let him know that you know.. and that it's ok for him to talk with her but also remind him of that you are there for him all the time.. and hopefully he will come to you..