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How to forget her ?





Mare
Hi,

my problem is, I can't forget my exgirlfriend. I know it is silly to some of you, but I realy can't get her off of my mind and it's been over a year since we brokeup. I thought it would pass soon but now I am starting to get worried. Everithing reminds me of her and I kinda don't want that coz we'll never be together anymore. I had some other girl after her but my mind was still on ex.
How can I get trough that and how to forget her to that point, that this will not bother me anymore (I know I cant forget her comeplitly).

Any ideas? Confused
rheanna
Start seeing other people and she will fade away...Just keep seeing other people. Painfully, slowly, surely..Or just start drinking...Tell ya one thing, I never drank when in the time I was ever with my x 13 year then after that it was all she rode. Now I'm an alcoholic. Not good advice but it worked for me. Laughing

*Pours me a glass of Jager*
Mare
I do that but I think to myself that I'm doing wrong...
rheanna
yeah ,I had the same feeling for the longest time. I know.. Took me 2 years to actually hop into bed with someone else. But after i liked this one guy I slipped and and got back into the game. Now I don't know what my x looks like. [I do, I just don't want to remember-surpressing him as much as I can]
frozenhead
The thing is, the fact that we really can't forget people we met in our lives who are emotionally attached with us.

Things you need to do that I suggest.

- Try to accept the fact that you are really not meant for each other (your ex)
- Forgiveness for all (including yourself; you was hurt, she was hurt, so try to forgive all wrong things that might done)
- Get a life (I mean, try to learn things, get yourself busy in some interesting things, or to divert to attention on things you are interested)
- Remember that you have a new girlfiend, show her that you deserve her love that she is giving to you. Wink

Hope that helps.
HoboPelican
Mare wrote:

How can I get trough that and how to forget her to that point, that this will not bother me anymore (I know I cant forget her comeplitly).

Any ideas? Confused


Some good ideas up there for you, although I would hesitate to suggest drinking as a good choice.

I as in a similar situtation after my first marriage....For a year I couldn't forget her. I wound up marrying her again, which was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. What finally got her out of my head was finding a new lady. Not just a girlfriend, but someone I really cared about (and luckily she cares about me, else I'd be back in the same place with a different lady in my head). Once I had into that good relationship, the old one fell into perspective.

Alcohol is a good thing to do right after a break-up, but, long term, you might just try to get yourself out there and find a good relationship. Good luck....it does get better!
arjay
Mare wrote:
Hi,

my problem is, I can't forget my exgirlfriend. I know it is silly to some of you, but I realy can't get her off of my mind and it's been over a year since we brokeup. I thought it would pass soon but now I am starting to get worried. Everithing reminds me of her and I kinda don't want that coz we'll never be together anymore. I had some other girl after her but my mind was still on ex.
How can I get trough that and how to forget her to that point, that this will not bother me anymore (I know I cant forget her comeplitly).

Any ideas? Confused

After over a year, you have not moved on. Hmmm…you have been much too emotionally attached to your ex-girlfriend(ex) that you are almost crossing the boundary of obsession. At your current state, you must accept that you are under the ‘bondage’ of her thoughts. Unless you accept that, you may not be able to find real solution to your problem. But, there is hope … big hope.

Your situation is no different to drug addiction. You must face it and accept that you have no control over your desire and emotion over your ex, as you stated in opening this topic. More often, your situation requires professional help so I may try to give an opinion fitting for a poster(reader) that can exercise for himself a higher degree of discipline as required by the intensity of the problem You need to break free from the shadow of your past relationship with your ex. There could have been much beautiful memories in your relationship that they are extremely difficult to forget.

Well, I did not say you forget them, I just said you need to break free! How? Again, before I answer that, I would like to remind you that I am presuming that the poster I am talking now has a higher level of understanding his emotion and is capable of putting purpose to his life by way of great self-sacrifices to arrive at a certain goal – moving on.

Then, how, again? No pain, no gain. Like how you threat addiction, total abstinence from the subject. REMOVE ALL the things that reminds (and will remind) you of her from within your near and remote environment. If she lives near your place and there is always the possibility that you may see her, then have yourself a good timely vacation in a place far enough and unreachable by her “presence”.

Next, divert your attention and time to MORE productive activities like trying to excel in your academics or athletics or crafts and arts or hobbies or entertainment, etc. There are so many things worth your time and potentials. They are just there waiting to be explored and discovered by you. Once you think life as an infinite source of opportunities, you will realize that your experience with your ex is just one of the catalysts that opened greater doors of opportunities. You failed to see those great doors that opened because you are always looking (and blindly focussing) at that small closed door left by your ex.

Next then, make your best efforts to look good to everybody. Always, keep pleasant relationship with the people around you, new and old. Meet new acquaintances but avoid, for the meantime, people related to your ex.

As most of my posts, yourstruly try to bring new vision (no matter how radical and unpopular they can get – they speak the heart of the reNEWed generation) and avoid biased/one sided opinion hence, unless, you are 100% over with your feelings with your ex, DO NOT look for another girlfriend. This is one of the not-so-favorable times to look and search for a ‘replacement’. It will be very unfair to the new girl because, since the thoughts of your ex is still overwhelming, there is a greater chance that you will look at the new girlfriend as no more than a ‘cheap’ substitute and unworthy replica of your ex.. Maybe such flings and fancy diversionary acts will ease some of your (sounds selfish) burdens but, unfortunately, at the expense of another innocent heart. This is not an alternative route and may lead to more complications and MORE broken hearts soon.

Your tough experience can give you valuable ideas how to avoid the same pitfalls later in your life. And, the brighter side? The light after the darkness? The calm after the storm? After you have gone through these difficult times, the next girl that gets the desire of your heart will be very fortunate. Yes, she will be fortunate because, in you, she will find a more responsible kind of love – a product of finding one’s purpose in life. Very Happy

You initiate this topic, so I know you mean it … and I know you can make (your) life better.

Thanks for the opportunity to level-up your thread.

Goodluck as you find more peace in your heart.
genchan
Have you sat down and ask yourself or simply wondered why you are still thinking of your ex? It looks to me that there is something or some moments in your relationship with your ex that you are longing for. Normally this feeling comes when you feel lonely. Do you think more about her when you are lonely or even when you are busy out with your friends etc?
If there is a moment or two that is making you thinking about her, you need to overcome that either by reminding yourself the reason for the breakup and the fact that things will not go back to what it used to be. If loneliness is the problem, you got to get active to get her out of your mind.
Sometimes, reality checks can help. By this I mean, if everything else fails, ring her up or try to meet her and chat with her as a friend. Finding out how she is doing at present can sometimes help you to overcome your feeling of clinging on to some moments in the past that are no longer realistic.
frih
today i lost my best friend. i dont know what to do. i m alone again. life is lookin like dark road. .............please help me.
Mare
First of all, arjay thank you for answering on my topic and I see some smart stuff you wrote, thank you very much... and I will qoute you & genchan on the things I need to do to keep myself busy: I learnd to play guitar, I'm cycling almost every day, I'm with my friends and almost never lonely (only if I want to be)... I got tones of stuff to do but darn.. there she is... and thats cinda scares me. My weaknes is that I attach to some people too much and in that case it was her.

I heard thousonds of advises what to do, but your makes sense...

Thank you once again...

btw... don't think that I'm a whiner... I just think this is not normal anymore and I need some help Wink
rfarrand
I find the best thing to do, is get active in other things...sports, and other activities that take your mind off of everything. find what you like to do the most and do that. Don't date other girls right away though...you will find yourself remonising about your ex and comparing the two girlfriends. And you will find the next one to be just a rebound, and those are never work out and are never good relationships...trust me. find something else to do. we all need to be ok with out a girlfriend...you need to be ok with just yourself before it will ever work with a girl.
molif
call ur mates....

catch up with things that u have been neglecting all this while..

try something new for a change, u may grow into it..

basically, u can do ANYTHING, that basically has no ASSOCIATION with ur EX..
bluefossil
go to strip clubs. she will be the last person on your mind
Usborne_Books
I firmly believe that when you open yourself up to someone like that that even after things end, that there is a part of them that will always be a part of you.

It is up to you to decide how big of a piece you are going to let them have.

They say time heals all wounds, but I have lived a long time with a wound that has never healed.

I wish I could give you some advice that would help, but truth be told. I am in the same boat.

I am a newlywed but I am still dealing with an old love still being in my heart and in my mind.

So if you find something that works, please let me know.

What I do know, drugs and alochol is not the answer. So do not do that.

I wish you the best of luck and I hope things go well.
Bluedoll
Closer. Always closer. As we busy ourselves with our life’s and occupations we often set aside something that might have unfinished business. That maybe something that we didn’t get around to discussing or simply a feeling we never got to express.

I think we do forget our past as time go by but even if we don’t memories can be acceptable providing those memories are not conflicting with our peace and happiness. We can never replace but we can go on with other new relationships. When we do eventually move on - we can move on for good.

Everyone is different. If nessassary you may have to revisit your x now and then to correct your obsession start something new with her even if it is just as a causal unthreating friend.
Xzmk07
i kno wat u mean.. just try and find a new gf.. thats what i did i still think about her but i kinda got over it
tijn01
Why forget her?
Just accept what you had is gone and keep loving her if you want... I will always love my ex, but it doesn't mean I want to be them again and it doesn't mean I don't completely love my current partner...
Time changes everything...
spaz-o
Well I've got no advice for getting over her - I don't believe that it comes from yourself. I know it sounds really cheesy and stuff, but I do believe that my strength comes from God. But that's just my faith.

I do, however, have a tip for how to stop it happening again. Guard you're heart - don't just give it to anyone. And you might be thinking, "She wasn't just anyone!" but she wasn't THE one either. So why give her your heart, and leave it broken for the next girl that comes along?

But I could just be talking crap - I don't make a point to date. So although I have, I haven't really taken it seriously much.
Droop
well alcohal isnt a really good answer but it does help if done for a short period of time. Finding a new lady always helps, but forcing urself not to think about her would help alot. I takes a lot of time sometimes to get over somone but you have to try otherwise you'll bring down your current relationship. - I wish u the best of luck with this -happy posting
HoChiMo
if I hurts too much, try moving to some other town.
melvinmol
Well I'll give you a solution.
Listen romantic music, many, many, times. You'll reach the point you get borried with that, so your brain become to forget her.
At the begining you'll cry but as I said, some weeks later, it wouldn`t have the same effect.
Bofia
you should just remove all contact with her no matter what she does
Da Rossa
Bofia wrote:
you should just remove all contact with her no matter what she does


I'd say that this work in the beginning, but not for a long time.

For the start, you better cut off songs and scents that remember her. Then avoid visiting places you two commonly used to go, the problem is the cinema. In this one, try going with your friends.
Then, FILL YOUR MIND with many other things. Avoid problems and uncomfortably uncertain things. Perhaps a new adventure/trip would be refreshing. Study, work, create your own projects. You can even start a blog with something that doesn't have anything to do with her. Give attention to it. Meet new people. This is gradual, but not so difficult.
calicamper
Everyone is different so I don't know if this will work for you, but what my friends did for me was, basically, get me drunk and surround me by HOT women. It leads to flings ad nothing substantial, but it also shows you that other people out in the world are interested in you. And that was one of my biggest problems; a lack of confidence after a long term relationship (2.5 years). Anyways, take the time to figure out who you are, remember your confidence, and eventually you will think of her less and less and allow yourself to move on.
Da Rossa
calicamper wrote:
Everyone is different so I don't know if this will work for you, but what my friends did for me was, basically, get me drunk and surround me by HOT women. It leads to flings ad nothing substantial, but it also shows you that other people out in the world are interested in you. And that was one of my biggest problems; a lack of confidence after a long term relationship (2.5 years). Anyways, take the time to figure out who you are, remember your confidence, and eventually you will think of her less and less and allow yourself to move on.


Wouldn't you need to pay for those HOT women *surrounding* you? It seems so. It can be relaxing, but in the essence it's void. Anyway, it's a possibility Very Happy
calicamper
Quote:
Wouldn't you need to pay for those HOT women *surrounding* you? It seems so


No, I wouldn't advocate paying for that. What I meant was my friends would throw parties 2-3 times a week and surround me with the hottest single girls they knew. Nothing necessarily happened, but when I was ready I knew who would be interested.
Da Rossa
calicamper wrote:
Quote:
Wouldn't you need to pay for those HOT women *surrounding* you? It seems so


No, I wouldn't advocate paying for that. What I meant was my friends would throw parties 2-3 times a week and surround me with the hottest single girls they knew. Nothing necessarily happened, but when I was ready I knew who would be interested.


Than that's good. Have your friend set it up. But don't forget to do what I already said before: cut the songs, smells and places that remind her.
Edas
frozenhead wrote:
The thing is, the fact that we really can't forget people we met in our lives who are emotionally attached with us.

Things you need to do that I suggest.

- Try to accept the fact that you are really not meant for each other (your ex)
- Forgiveness for all (including yourself; you was hurt, she was hurt, so try to forgive all wrong things that might done)
- Get a life (I mean, try to learn things, get yourself busy in some interesting things, or to divert to attention on things you are interested)
- Remember that you have a new girlfiend, show her that you deserve her love that she is giving to you. Wink

Hope that helps.

I must agree with you!
Getting a life is extremely important in order to have all your time occupied and so, u won't think about that!
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