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Children's Rights





HoangOnly
Hello and welcome to the greatestloveofall. My name is Hoang and I have been abused sexually, physically, and mentally for pretty much my whole life. I will be 21 in a few months and I have just began my journey to healing. One thing I have learned so far is that helping others has also helped me which is why I decided to build this site.

I chose the name greatestloveofall because of the song "Greatest Love Of All" sung by Whitney Houston. My therapist had me read the words to that song, and it really made me stop to think. For the longest time now I have wanted nothing more than to have a family most importantly I wanted that mother figure that I could look up to, and just like the song I couldn't find one and so I must learn to depend on me. I know that it will not be easy but I know I have the strength, and I am not willing to let my abusers win by getting the best of me.

I come from a very small town where mostly everyone is related, and everyone knows everyone and their business, and it is amazing to me now looking back and seeing how many people knew, but just turned their heads and how many people didn't do anything because somewhere down the road they were involved. I couldn't turn for help from anyone including the police because of that reason.

At age 19 I was diagnosed with lung cancer, and severe heart disease. Instead of be able to lean on my family I couldn't, and so I dealt with it the best way I could even though at the time the best way I knew to was by using drugs. But with the luck of three surgeries, and the doctors catching the cancer in time, they was able to remove the tumors and now working on making my heart stronger. When I first found out I was ill I had no clue what half of the stuff the doctor was saying meant, but I never asked because there was such fear that I learned through the years. I was taught to never question anything. He told me if they couldn't control my heart while dealing with the cancer that I could die, and even said it could be within the next year. I walked away and just said ok. They put me on a donors list for my heart in order to deal with my cancer, and that be a back up incase my heart failed, and still I went around thinking nothing of it.

My friend would want to come to the hospital when I had surgeries and I didn't understand why. She talked about being there when I would wake up, and I didn't get it. What was the point I would much rather spend the day together some other way and I felt that way for awhile. At the time of the last surgery, it came down to him being able to help me that way or start chemo.I began getting really scared. I had worked myself up to the point where now I knew I had some things to live for, and I didn't want to die, not then or in a couple years from then. I would have to say that day was one of the hardest days of my life. Of all the times that my friend wanted to go, and I wouldn't let her, that day I understood why, but it was to late we had already stopped talking. When the doctors said they got it and I wouldn't know for sure until my next check up but I wasn't going to start chemo. I was so happy, but then had no one to be happy with no one to share that I had beaten cancer. It was a very sad day, and now looking back on it I see that my abusers were the blame for everything, my illness, and me losing my friend.

After not much time at all in therapy I was diagnosed with Dependent Personality disorder,generalized anxiety disorder,major depressive disorder, panic disorder,post-traumatic stress disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder , multiple personality disorders including borderline personality disorder.

After reading up on them I learned that a lot of things, and why everyone would get upset with me. It was because of these things, and it made some sense of why I was feeling all the things I do.

My hopes for this site is to let you know that you are not alone, there are more people out there who have been through it then what you think. Even what seems horrible and disgusting there are still people who have been there.
HoangOnly
GREATEST LOVE OF ALL

George Benson
Whitney Houston


I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they posses inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be

Everybody seaching for a hero
People need someone to look up to
I never found anyone who fulfilled my needs
A lonely place to be, so I learned to depend on me

I decided long ago never to walk in anyone's shadow
If I failed, if I succeed, at least I lived as I believed.
No matter what they take from me they can't take away my dignity

Because the greatest Love of all is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all inside of me

The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve learning to love yourself,
it is the greatest love of all

And if by chance that special place that you've been dreaming of
Leads you to a lonely place find you strength
HoangOnly
hear it
http://www.angelfire.com/music5/rvmultimedia42/greatestloveofall.mp3
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