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Mutation of Love?





flintstonian
Hi folks,

I have a friend who'd been in tempestous love for the last three years. He got married last month. I met him recently, and was surprised to see that he was very subdued and pensive - quite the opposite of what he was before. He told be he was disillusioned, that 'married' love is just not the same as what he had before. He felt, some how, weighed down...but, he said, he was still very much in love with his wife.

I couldn't understand it. Nothing really had changed in circumstances - my friend was practically living with his would-be before. So what changed their love? Does love always morph this way on marriage?

I'd love to know what married frihosters think about this...
maclui
I am not married but I was about to be a month ago. And I think I did not got married because I felt that was going to happen I felt that love was going to change and was not going to stand for long. I guess you realize things about the other person you dont really like.
Insanity
I think that it is mainly because you don't really think about things like that until you get married. Then it hits you.
bluefossil
once you are on locked down, aka married, it's like going to prison. what's the point to try?
blue77
Marrige = different life.
You have to change in some ways no matter if you want to.
And as I,m thinking it's better to know the outher person dissadvantiges before you marry him or her, and not after that.
greenwoodmonkey
People see marriage as the logical and almost final step in a relationship (second to death or divorce)....

I found that with some of my married friends, so much time had been devoted to planning the wedding that once that was over they found they had nothing more to do.. as if all the planning and preoccupation had taken all other ambitions away... along with their ability to communicate.

Then they started planning babies and it all started over again until such time they were so preoccupied with having babies that there was nothing else in life for them and nothing else to talk about with others....

People like those don't last long.. all were divorced with 3 years

Marriage is like a death / prison sentence to many... so I am still getting married next year????... ooops
xkobram
Wow, i have never heard about something like this before.

Now, i will change my opinion on marriage.

After 3 years! I cant belive it... Thx for posting it
RubySlasher
Humans expect and chase after grand, wondrous goals in their life, and when they finally achieve that goal, they grow satisfied. Same thing happens with people who become famous actors, musical stars, and sports players. No matter what we do, we'll always be greedy, selfish little creatures that extort the earth for our own one-minded needs and wants. After all, we have no other body to fully compare our perceptions by.
xkobram
RubySlasher wrote:
Humans expect and chase after grand, wondrous goals in their life, and when they finally achieve that goal, they grow satisfied. Same thing happens with people who become famous actors, musical stars, and sports players. No matter what we do, we'll always be greedy, selfish little creatures that extort the earth for our own one-minded needs and wants. After all, we have no other body to fully compare our perceptions by.


You remind me Kurt Cobain.
jenice
Well, there's a couple different ways of looking at it.

One, people can change once the courting is over and the marriage takes place. Like, now the paper is signed you can relax and finally be yourself.

On the other hand, I think sometimes people just don't think it through to the final stages of what really happens. I always thought, even after I was married (and we'd lived together for two years before we finally married), that nothing had changed after we married. I didn't feel any different.

But it was different. Part of that I imagine is that my husband really did change. Part of it was that I didn't pay attention to things before that I really should have.

I really hope it works out for your friend.
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